Old butt gold
| |
Anonymous comments allowed.
99 comments displayed.
#7
-
angelious ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-] >vikings try raiding my land
>manage to defeat them and capture their leader
>use torture to castrate him,rip out his tongue, push a letter opener into his ears making him deaf and then maiming both of his hands before releasing him
>few years go by
>the now mute,maimed,deaf and blind lord of norway has declared me his rival and challenged me to a duel
>somehow i lose the duel
all is how it should be in ck2.
>manage to defeat them and capture their leader
>use torture to castrate him,rip out his tongue, push a letter opener into his ears making him deaf and then maiming both of his hands before releasing him
>few years go by
>the now mute,maimed,deaf and blind lord of norway has declared me his rival and challenged me to a duel
>somehow i lose the duel
all is how it should be in ck2.
#69 to #68
-
mastercolossus (12/14/2015) [-]
elbows. knees. feet. teeth. stumps. can also tie stuff onto limbs.
vikings are pretty ******* tenacious.
vikings are pretty ******* tenacious.
#71 to #70
-
mastercolossus (12/14/2015) [-]
he cant see or hear the sword so he cannot fear its bite. he lost a leg sure but he still won.
#10 to #9
-
satrenkotheone ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-] Damn son.
As usual, nothing is where its supposed to be, the glory of Paradox games.
As usual, nothing is where its supposed to be, the glory of Paradox games.
#16 to #15
-
satrenkotheone ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-] Usually how things are in Paradox games until you snowball out of control and suddenly rule everything.
#18 to #17
-
satrenkotheone ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-] I like playing the game myself but I can never seem to be bothered to play it for more than an hour or so at a time tho. Same with EU IV.
#20 to #19
-
satrenkotheone ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-] Yah I gotta admit.
Tho would be fun if they made Vicky 3 and then had HoI 4 tie in with the whole extended save system.
Tho it would be a pain to work in so I can see why it won't happen.
Tho would be fun if they made Vicky 3 and then had HoI 4 tie in with the whole extended save system.
Tho it would be a pain to work in so I can see why it won't happen.
#102 to #88
-
lordknightmare (12/14/2015) [-] "Now that we won the war, Yanks... you all will have your own slaves and YOU WILL LIKE IT!"
#25 to #24
-
satrenkotheone ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-] Well I'll be damned.
I usually play TW myself but it lacks diplomatic depth which is frustrating.
I usually play TW myself but it lacks diplomatic depth which is frustrating.
#29 to #26
-
satrenkotheone ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-] Hmm I suppose, tho I wish the campaign part of it was more in depth than it actually is.
Yeah, and then there's Endless Legend/Endless space.
Yeah, and then there's Endless Legend/Endless space.
#27 to #26
-
satrenkotheone ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-] I know I know.
Tho I wouldn't call it RTS really because its mostly turn based strat but real time tactical.
Tho I wouldn't call it RTS really because its mostly turn based strat but real time tactical.
#42 to #2
-
hongkonglongdong (12/13/2015) [-]
This is literally what happened, by the way. When governments got really low on funds and couldn't afford to pay Jewish lenders back, they just turfed them out. Obviously it rekt their reputation with the lenders, which is why it only happened when they were desperate.
#31 to #30
-
ubercookieboy ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-] ...
Couldn't you just let us have this one thing?
Couldn't you just let us have this one thing?
#36 to #30
-
bigbuttjackson (12/13/2015) [-] I was trying to make a really elaborate joke, where I was gonna log in to an account that had a similar username to yours and say
"This is ******* ridiculous.
There are two derius's. You can see both in the pictures(the profile pictures) and they are clearly the same. The same ******* guy!"
But I immediately forgot the password. I even half ass copied your profile :c /user/denius
"This is ******* ridiculous.
There are two derius's. You can see both in the pictures(the profile pictures) and they are clearly the same. The same ******* guy!"
But I immediately forgot the password. I even half ass copied your profile :c /user/denius
#37
-
brobafett (12/13/2015) [-] >Start in the 800s as lower irish lord
>Decide I'm gonna be king of all of ireland someday because us mick can't decide on one
>Realm is pretty small so I can't fight using force
>Start focusing on alternative mean, mostly back stabbing
>Reel in the wife of a higher lord
>jackpot.parchment
>Few months down the line she has my son
>Just in time for my lord to fall off his balcony in odd and unfortunate turn of events
>Son adopts his place as he comes of age
>My starting character die about a decade later
>Take control of my son
>Continue this pattern of cucking and backstabbing for several generations
>Eventually my decedent is in control of the biggest and most powerful faction of the divided Ireland
>I unite them all through a bloody war
>Decedent is remembered as blood thirsty truce breaker, but finally I'm at the top
>Starting to get bored now that I reach my goal
>Decide it's time to break out the cheats
>This latest decedent actually looks like a normal person rather the "shapes" that CK2 's random generator spawns
>decide to kill a wife every time I reverse his age because I'm autistic that way.
>Time to become the immortal emperor of the emerald empire
>Anytime a crusade is called The emerald empire arrives on the shores of the infidel with an army of mercenaries and angry denizens of the empire.
>But soon even the pope's holy wars aren't enough to satisfy the empire's hunger
>Pic only some what related
>Start with Scotland, conquering the land one region at a time, and declaring a new war every chance I get to make a claim
>Then England
>And Portugal
>And Spain
>France
>The late 1300s most central Europe is in ruins and revolt all the time from all the land the empire had grabbed.
>Decide I'm gonna be king of all of ireland someday because us mick can't decide on one
>Realm is pretty small so I can't fight using force
>Start focusing on alternative mean, mostly back stabbing
>Reel in the wife of a higher lord
>jackpot.parchment
>Few months down the line she has my son
>Just in time for my lord to fall off his balcony in odd and unfortunate turn of events
>Son adopts his place as he comes of age
>My starting character die about a decade later
>Take control of my son
>Continue this pattern of cucking and backstabbing for several generations
>Eventually my decedent is in control of the biggest and most powerful faction of the divided Ireland
>I unite them all through a bloody war
>Decedent is remembered as blood thirsty truce breaker, but finally I'm at the top
>Starting to get bored now that I reach my goal
>Decide it's time to break out the cheats
>This latest decedent actually looks like a normal person rather the "shapes" that CK2 's random generator spawns
>decide to kill a wife every time I reverse his age because I'm autistic that way.
>Time to become the immortal emperor of the emerald empire
>Anytime a crusade is called The emerald empire arrives on the shores of the infidel with an army of mercenaries and angry denizens of the empire.
>But soon even the pope's holy wars aren't enough to satisfy the empire's hunger
>Pic only some what related
>Start with Scotland, conquering the land one region at a time, and declaring a new war every chance I get to make a claim
>Then England
>And Portugal
>And Spain
>France
>The late 1300s most central Europe is in ruins and revolt all the time from all the land the empire had grabbed.
#44 to #37
-
greyhoundfd (12/13/2015) [-] >All those single-county vassals
>Not consolidating territory into large duchies
>Not having Charlemagne so you can declare your kingdom an empire and consolidate things even further into kingdoms.
>Not consolidating territory into large duchies
>Not having Charlemagne so you can declare your kingdom an empire and consolidate things even further into kingdoms.
#49 to #44
-
atomgrenade (12/13/2015) [-]
I might be autistic or something, but I don't see a realm holding limit or what which was added in a patch a couple of months ago. That screenshot was probably taken before Charlemagne even came out.
#50 to #49
-
greyhoundfd (12/13/2015) [-] It's not even the realm-holding limit, but when if your successor takes over (which admittedly isn't really a problem for him), you have to try to keep an even larger number of vassals under control for the time, whereas consolidating counts into vassals means that you can worry less about having to make 5000 bribes after taking power.
#97 to #96
-
greyhoundfd (12/14/2015) [-] Also, I just noticed this, but his map doesn't even extend into India. Probably some of the options I'm considering for keeping vassals in line don't even exist yet when he was playing this.
#51
-
threeeighteen (12/13/2015) [-] In no other game could I castrate and blind a seven year old boy. 1204/1066
#95
-
unclaimedusername (12/14/2015) [-] >Just reformed Roman Empire as Byzantines
>run kebabremove.exe
>Decide to use marriage to eliminate largest kebab threat
>Marry son to caliph's eldest daughter
>Assassinate caliph's only son
>Continue to slaughter and take over other kebab countries
>Current character and caliph both die
>New character has son
>Race is Turkish
>Fast forward several hundred years
>The Turkish curse is still upon my family, every character since has been Turkish
>I tried to remove kebab, but instead became the kebab
>run kebabremove.exe
>Decide to use marriage to eliminate largest kebab threat
>Marry son to caliph's eldest daughter
>Assassinate caliph's only son
>Continue to slaughter and take over other kebab countries
>Current character and caliph both die
>New character has son
>Race is Turkish
>Fast forward several hundred years
>The Turkish curse is still upon my family, every character since has been Turkish
>I tried to remove kebab, but instead became the kebab
#61
-
klina (12/14/2015) [-] my story
>be random king of something doing my usual thing
>wish is to become king of England or some ****
>start playing chess
>win tournament
>game glitches and gives me the reward for achieving the wish
>roleplay it as the king is psychotic and believes that chess is real life
>start winning the **** out of tournaments
>every tournament win counts for the wish and grants me a buttload of respect and money
>richest duke of the world
>more gold than anyone on the map combined
>quit because it was too easy
yeah
>be random king of something doing my usual thing
>wish is to become king of England or some ****
>start playing chess
>win tournament
>game glitches and gives me the reward for achieving the wish
>roleplay it as the king is psychotic and believes that chess is real life
>start winning the **** out of tournaments
>every tournament win counts for the wish and grants me a buttload of respect and money
>richest duke of the world
>more gold than anyone on the map combined
>quit because it was too easy
yeah
#81 to #61
-
gerfox (12/14/2015) [-]
Some months ago a patch was released, and it glitched out my savefile. I loaded in again as the King of Denmark, in an ironman save I only played 2 years on (game time, d'uh). Seven days passes, and I get the "Saint" achievement for amassing 10k piety. Check out stuff on the top. I gain 100k ducats a month, 50k prestige and 40k piety.
#62
-
Sabor (12/14/2015) [-] I quite fancy jumping on the story time here!
>Start game as Duke of Scotland
>Spend first part of the game marrying my dozen kids to literally anyone with a title I can
>Grandson becomes King of Scotland
>Another son becomes a Duke in Hungary but stages a revolt after 100 years and becomes King there
>Through treachery and plotting I start a revolt in Scotland and usurp the throne from my Grandson
>Spend the next 80 years slowly conquering Ireland and Wales
>Then England
>Pope orders a Crusade to remove kebab from Sicily
> **** it, why not?
>Only person to respond, literally rape the towelheads with my might crusader armies in months
>Granted the whole of Sicily and Southern Italy by winning
>Start a private crusade of my own and take Jerusalem, just cause
>Change my Kingdom into the Empire of Britannia
>Have to repeatedly put down rebellions by the Godwin family who I stole the Crown of England from
Don't really know what to do next here. France is still ******* massive, as is the HRE and the Mongols are smashing both of them.
Other amusing events which occurred during this game included my heirs at one stage somehow being a bunch of Russian kids so I had to have them all assassinated, earning me the title of Kinslayer. Also one of my Kings who was properly prestigious and awesome was a dwarf so I chose to believe him to be an incarnation of Tyrion Lannister.
>Start game as Duke of Scotland
>Spend first part of the game marrying my dozen kids to literally anyone with a title I can
>Grandson becomes King of Scotland
>Another son becomes a Duke in Hungary but stages a revolt after 100 years and becomes King there
>Through treachery and plotting I start a revolt in Scotland and usurp the throne from my Grandson
>Spend the next 80 years slowly conquering Ireland and Wales
>Then England
>Pope orders a Crusade to remove kebab from Sicily
> **** it, why not?
>Only person to respond, literally rape the towelheads with my might crusader armies in months
>Granted the whole of Sicily and Southern Italy by winning
>Start a private crusade of my own and take Jerusalem, just cause
>Change my Kingdom into the Empire of Britannia
>Have to repeatedly put down rebellions by the Godwin family who I stole the Crown of England from
Don't really know what to do next here. France is still ******* massive, as is the HRE and the Mongols are smashing both of them.
Other amusing events which occurred during this game included my heirs at one stage somehow being a bunch of Russian kids so I had to have them all assassinated, earning me the title of Kinslayer. Also one of my Kings who was properly prestigious and awesome was a dwarf so I chose to believe him to be an incarnation of Tyrion Lannister.
#83 to #62
-
gerfox (12/14/2015) [-]
Thats why they have the Mongols, and also the Aztecs if you have sunset invasion, in the game. So that you can have a challenge late game. I've got a save where I have restored the Roman Empire, recaptured all land - and now I'm only waiting for the Mongols and Aztecs to come.
#47 to #33
-
bastianjolt (12/13/2015) [-] What you could try is playing as wessex from the very start and form the kingdom of england, it's quite easy since you don't have many that pose a threat to you and you start in a kingdom where you control all provinces so no vassals being complete assholes
#84 to #33
-
gerfox (12/14/2015) [-]
Play the tutorials. Play all of the tutorials. Thats what I did. Then I started a save as the count of Zurich or something, and just expanded in the HRE. A few tips: Never attack someone you cant beat, and check their allies. You can open the ledger to see their army sizes. Marry your daughters and secondary sons to nobles which grant you alliances with powerful people, but marry your heir for eugenics (find wives with good traits, and your future characters will inherit them). You should also educate your primary son yourself, and you it is often wise to not lead combat yourself as you may die in battle. Remember to make sure that your vassals have an high opinion of you. If you are good at managing your vassals they will give you a lot of income and troops, and thats what you should rely on. Dont raise your personal levy if you dont have to, as it regenerates very slowly - but the vassals levies regenerate very fast. Factions are also more likely to fire if your own levies are weakened.
#45 to #33
-
greyhoundfd (12/13/2015) [-] Spend a few rounds as a duke under some emperor or king until you learn the ropes of advancing settlements, technology, and skills, and until you know how to politically or military expand your territory. Then gradually work your way up to being able to act independently and manipulate your superiors or allies.
#53 to #33
-
chopsofpork (12/13/2015) [-] How I learned to play was as a count in Ireland, it gives you time to learn how to play and if you start at the old gods expansion you usually get left alone for a while so you can get a handle on how to rule.
#43 to #38
-
funkydiscomaggot [OP]ONLINE (12/13/2015) [-] VIET+ Events with Historical Immersion Project (HIP), I think
#57 to #56
-
thesovereigngrave ONLINE (12/14/2015) [-] Oh, I got the reference. But my question still stands.
#63
-
jjvoodoo (12/14/2015) [-] >playing duke in Finland
>need to pump out a son
>9 daughters later i die of natural causes
>game over
>need to pump out a son
>9 daughters later i die of natural causes
>game over
#103
-
brownskin (12/14/2015) [-] I absolutely adore this game. Here is my best story by far:
>Start out as Count of Provence at the Charlamenge start date ~770 AD
>Gain territory through oppressive tyranny. Eventually become king of Burgundy.
>over the next few generations, bribe, murder, and cajole my way to the kingdoms of France and Aquitane. Unite France under one banner. And become Emperor of France.
>From then on, I show my enemies no mercy. Conquer the British isles, Hispania, and crush the HRE beneath my boot over the next few hundred years.
>become emperor of England instead because I like the color better.
>mind you, I have been selectively breeding and educating my heirs for the entire time to assure they are fit for leadership.
>Reach the height of my power. Control most of Europe, except for most of Scandinavia, the Byzantines, and Italia, where I installed my uncle as a ruler because I was over my demense size and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I even have a huge colony in Africa at this point.
>At this point, I have two sons and a daughter. The daughter is married to the heir of the Byzantine Empire, my heir is ruling Burgundy to groom him for the empire, and my second son...
>second son is my legitimized bastard with the queen of Norway. Also he's an unattractive, gay, dwarf imbecile. I literally named him "Accident Stark".
>my brother is also the new Pope at the moment, so I decode to help him out in his crusade for the kingdom of Egypt.
>figure I'll send Accident down there with a teeny army in the hopes he'll die with some honor.
>he last a long ass time, until...
>I get a notification of a plague spreading
>check my capital. Overwhelmed with plague.
>bubonic plague
>frantically spread my family out across the empire in a panic. Accidentally spread the disease further by doing so
>the bubonic plague kills a huge number of my subject, along with my ruler and my heir. The only survivor is the idiot who I sent across the world to die
>accident is suddenly the Emperor of the greatest empire ever known. Since he's gay as **** , he has no sons, so the heir to my empire is the king of Italy, who, mind you, is inexplicably in a marriage that will lead to all heirs being of the mothers dynasty.
>It doesn't matter, because Accident is so incompetent that the entire empire fractures within years
>probably a dozen revolts overall. Past a certain point I drain the massive treasury I had built and can no longer fight the rebels.
>by the time Accident is finally assassinated by the Duke of York, all that is left for the king to inherit is the county of Provence and the duchy of Mallorca.
>tfw the greatest empire the world has ever known, crafted over 15+ hours of game play is torn down by a retarded gay dwarf in less then twenty years
>Start out as Count of Provence at the Charlamenge start date ~770 AD
>Gain territory through oppressive tyranny. Eventually become king of Burgundy.
>over the next few generations, bribe, murder, and cajole my way to the kingdoms of France and Aquitane. Unite France under one banner. And become Emperor of France.
>From then on, I show my enemies no mercy. Conquer the British isles, Hispania, and crush the HRE beneath my boot over the next few hundred years.
>become emperor of England instead because I like the color better.
>mind you, I have been selectively breeding and educating my heirs for the entire time to assure they are fit for leadership.
>Reach the height of my power. Control most of Europe, except for most of Scandinavia, the Byzantines, and Italia, where I installed my uncle as a ruler because I was over my demense size and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I even have a huge colony in Africa at this point.
>At this point, I have two sons and a daughter. The daughter is married to the heir of the Byzantine Empire, my heir is ruling Burgundy to groom him for the empire, and my second son...
>second son is my legitimized bastard with the queen of Norway. Also he's an unattractive, gay, dwarf imbecile. I literally named him "Accident Stark".
>my brother is also the new Pope at the moment, so I decode to help him out in his crusade for the kingdom of Egypt.
>figure I'll send Accident down there with a teeny army in the hopes he'll die with some honor.
>he last a long ass time, until...
>I get a notification of a plague spreading
>check my capital. Overwhelmed with plague.
>bubonic plague
>frantically spread my family out across the empire in a panic. Accidentally spread the disease further by doing so
>the bubonic plague kills a huge number of my subject, along with my ruler and my heir. The only survivor is the idiot who I sent across the world to die
>accident is suddenly the Emperor of the greatest empire ever known. Since he's gay as **** , he has no sons, so the heir to my empire is the king of Italy, who, mind you, is inexplicably in a marriage that will lead to all heirs being of the mothers dynasty.
>It doesn't matter, because Accident is so incompetent that the entire empire fractures within years
>probably a dozen revolts overall. Past a certain point I drain the massive treasury I had built and can no longer fight the rebels.
>by the time Accident is finally assassinated by the Duke of York, all that is left for the king to inherit is the county of Provence and the duchy of Mallorca.
>tfw the greatest empire the world has ever known, crafted over 15+ hours of game play is torn down by a retarded gay dwarf in less then twenty years
#101
-
manofparody (12/14/2015) [-] I tried getting into this game.. There's way too much to learn, and way too high of a learning curve.
#86 to #85
-
mastercolossus (12/14/2015) [-]
he ordered the tournament.
he doesnt need to participate.
he doesnt need to participate.
#54
-
schneidend (12/13/2015) [-] Sounds like the plot of an anime or an especially ambitious AMC or HBO show. I'd watch it.
#48
-
amonlavtar (12/13/2015) [-] I wish i could actually figure out how to play this game, someone help please
