My cousin was suspended from school today, for the reason that he essentially 'sexually' harassed a fellow classmate.
He's eight, and he asked me, a nineteen year old (Who browses funnyjunk) for 'relationship advice' (He put it a little less eloquently, something along the lines of I want kisses and hugs and sometimes to share her milk with me.)
At this point when he asked me, I'd been up for three days due to my medication, so I blurted out the first thing I could think of, he memorized it, and went to school this morning.
I got a call from the school saying I needed to have a conference with the teachers and him (I'm his legal guardian whilst his parents are away). I got there, sat down, and asked what the problem was.
After about a minute of silence and judging stares, the Teacher finally asked, 'Your cousin tells us you told him to say some choice words to one of his classmates?' To which I nodded, not particularly remembering what I told him.
The teacher patted my cousin on the shoulder and told him to repeat what he said to the girl he had a crush on. He stood up, looked down, and said. 'Justin told me to tell the girl.. "I want to tongue punch your fart box until you can't recite the alphabet properly.'
I'm not sure what made the teachers more mad, the fact I told an eight year old to say that, or the fact I burst out laughing so hard I said, 'Well wouldn't you let that courageous little bastard tongue punch YOUR Fart box?'
Long story short, He's suspended for 3 days, and I've been put on the 'Hazardous Parents' List.
Best ******* day ever.