Military Punishments Pt. II. . The Funniest And Best Military Punishments Seen Being Handed Down my superiors I saw a guy be forced to slow dance with a mop for

Military Punishments Pt. II

The Funniest And Best Military
Punishments Seen Being Handed
Down my superiors
I saw a guy be forced to slow dance with a mop
for one hour straight.
Soldier pooped while we were in the field
doing exercises, Drill Sergeant of the platoon
behind us accidentally stepped in said turd.
Whole company had to stand in formation and
watch the poor soul dig a hole as we
held a funeral for the turd. We did not have a
bugle to play for the piece of turd as it was
lowered so one soldier had to stand there
making an "" sign over his lips and makes
bugle noises. The soldier that made the crap
had to bury the whole thing while the Drill
Sergeant read a prayer.
A fellow lance corporal at the time let out a
sneeze. Huge snot rocket pops out and lands
on his cheek, I mean just one beast of a thing.
My sergeant standing in front of him talking to
him while this happened let out a "what the
hell you nasty bitch, put it back." And right
back up it went. Funniest **** I have seen.
I was in a company in basic. the
third floor of the barracks was split with
females on one half and males on the other.
males were not allowed in the female half and
vice verse my platoon was out back practicing
throwing grenade bodies and a window on the
female side of the third floor opened and a
male sneaked out of the window onto the
ledge. it was immediately obvious to
everyone, including our drill sgt, that he had
been in there messing around with a female
and a drill at must have come down the hall,
forcing him to get out onto the ledge so he
wouldn' t get caught. tour drill Sgt looked at the
guy for a minute and then yelled really
sarcastically, "don' t do it private, you have lots
to live for." then they put him on suicide watch
and made him hand over his belts and tie and
shoelaces and everything that he could hang
himself with and made him drag his newly
bare mattress out into the hallway next to the
fire guard desk and sleep out there every night
until we graduated it weeks later. and they
made his battle buddy sleep on the floor next
to him for the first week.
In the Marine Corps when we really messed up
we would go "fishing" It is where you squat
down like your sitting in a chair and hold a
shovel out in front of you in the air like a
fishing pole. Then you just sit there for a long
time and if the shovel would start to droop
down my sergeant would grab the tip of the
shovel and start to shake it and make me
pretend I was reeling in the big one. One time
me and a buddy got in trouble together so they
made him fish and me flop around on the deck
like a fish he had already caught for almost an
My brother told me that when he was in basic,
a Drill Sergeant yelled at this guy to "beat his
face", meaning to do . Said guy had
no clue it meant that, and promptly punched
himself in the face, really, really hard, and fell
to the ground. The Drill Sergeant had to walk
that one off and my brother said you could
hear him laughing hysterically as he walked
behind a building.
We had a guy that somehow got his watch
through the indoc (They take all your crap
when you first get there). well the Dis found
out he had it when they saw him wearing it
one clay, so they put him in the squad bay
trashcan and put the lid on it. Every time they
walked by and kicked it he' d pop out with his
watch and yell, "SIR THE TIME ON DECK IS
and then go hack
into his can like the freakin' grouch from
Sesame Street.
I wrote a bad check while stationed in Korea.
06 over the limit. My punishment? To cut
the parade field grass with scissors by
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Submitted: 04/01/2014
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#1 - anon (04/01/2014) [-]
More...For the love of **** , more!
User avatar #8 - allenbahrain (04/02/2014) [-]
When i was in boot camp, someone farted in the squad bay. The Di's made us open a window, breath deeply and keep walking over to the window to blow it outside
#20 to #8 - anon (04/02/2014) [-]
Same thing for us, except when he smelt somebody's fart he would have them huddle around the area and breath in and out deeply and would say: "Thats right CLOWNS! Filter my AIR"
#16 - Snowplows (04/02/2014) [-]
He snuck his watch in, huh?
He snuck his watch in, huh?
User avatar #13 - avatarofavarice (04/02/2014) [-]
One guy I once worked with used to be in the marine core and on his first day, trying to be a smartass, the guy spoke like Arnold Schwarzenegger when they were all lined up, thinking that the Drill Sergeant wouldn't hear him amongst the crowd. Well, it just so happened that the DS had some pretty sharp ears and heard him and from then on out, not only was he known as Private Arnie, but because his impression of Arnold was so good, if he wasn't using that voice, he would be punished.
#35 to #13 - nospyonme (04/02/2014) [-]
Something similar happened to me, during AIT developed a reputation of having a killer Arnold voice. Every week somebody from our class would brief the head instructor on news headlines, when I got up somebody made a joke about Arnold doing the briefing. I tried to yell out the first few lines before anyone could get any ideas, but the instructor heard, and ordered me to brief some story about missing kids with the Arnold voice. I made it one sentence in before he ordered me to stop then walked out of the room.
A few minutes later all the training staff were filing into the back rows of our classroom, and after they all got there, in walks all our Drill Sergeants. The head instructor called them and apparently all of them hauled ass over to see what was going on.
They had me brief half a news paper as Arnold, then spent half an hour demanding I say lines from different Arnold movies.

After that, public speaking has not really been a problem for me.
#19 - ooi (04/02/2014) [-]
One more, Toe the line, the drill Sgt gave out the information for the next day, and then says, " Alright privs, any whines, complanes, bitches or moans". A private step up and ask the Drill Sgt for Pine sol to clean the barracks.

Drill Sgt goes, " Private you are in luck, you see I was at the PX(store) today, and while walking past the the cleaning aisle, it hits me. Today might just be the day a private asks me for pine sol.
No, priv, no.
You may not believe it, but you have some pretty good Drill Sgt. I know I have been in other companies, you have here a wide variety of professionals from across a range of experience. You could ask us about anything, form something basic like how to improve your pt score, to something like advance rifle harmonics.

But NO Private, No... You want to talk about Pine Sol"
#3 - planexplain (04/01/2014) [-]
My turn:
A friend of mine was a SEAL stationed on an aircraft carrier for some time. He and his comrades were apparently "The most immature human beings in the hemisphere," who liked to fly the recon around the flight deck of the ship on weekends when the COs were in conferences. one weekend, they managed to joust with two drones, but at one point, someone accidentally fired the machine gun on one of the drones and shot the other one down on impact. What did they do? They hid the broken one in a broom closet where some poor deckhand was blamed for the incident a few weeks later.

PS: these were small parrot drones, not Predators.
#4 to #3 - planexplain (04/01/2014) [-]
*Recon Drones, my bad.
#17 to #3 - anon (04/02/2014) [-]
i was going to say, there is no way you could fit a predator in a closet... you couldn't fit one in a garage.
User avatar #32 - burdenedsoul (04/02/2014) [-]
when my dad was in basic, his troop had the typical class clown kinda guy, we'll call him bob, and everyone loved him. on one of the first few days, he had them lined up and he was going down the line, giving them the "Full Metal Jacket" treatment, he gets to bob, who cracks a joke, so the DS makes him drop for push ups, and while bob is on the floor, the DS says "you like being on the ground, don't you?" to which bob replies "YES DRILL SERGEANT" DS says "do you like having your face in the dirt?" "YES DRILL SERGEANT" "I bet you spend you free time with your face in the pillows don't you? are you a faggot?" "NO DRILL SERGEANT" "do you want to suck my dick bob?" "SIR I WOULDN'T SUCK YOUR DICK EVEN IF YOU WASHED IT A THOUSAND TIMES SIR" and the DS comes back with "oh, so you're a dirty cocksucker, is that it?"

the entire troop broke down laughing, but cause it was so funny the sergeant let them off with a warning for it
#2 - caffeinecommissar (04/01/2014) [-]
I'm getting ideas here.
User avatar #21 to #2 - commissarcrunch (04/02/2014) [-]
I lold
#28 - willindor (04/02/2014) [-]
R.I.P. PFC Turd
User avatar #24 - goldenglimmer (04/02/2014) [-]
I've got one:
I attend a military academy in Norway, and a guy in my company told a funny story about a friend of his. A few years back, the individual was trying out for a special ops position, when he and his fellow candidates made a big mistake...
During an early afternoon, the drill sergeant ordered them to stop whatever they were doing and come over. They, obviously exhausted, made their way over to their drill sergeant as they were told, but they did so out of formation. When they had all arrived, the drill sergeant yelled, "Why the hell are you moving out of formation? Are you sheep? Are you a tired flock of sheep?" He then proceeded to order them down on their hands and knees and, well, graze for three straight hours, bah-ing and all. Apparently, for these three hours, you could walk alongside this hillside and observe 20 or 30 FSK-candidates crawling around on all fours, letting out a clear but reluctant "bah!" every few seconds.
Poor souls.
User avatar #14 - ooi (04/02/2014) [-]
My turn,

Two soldiers were talking during the evening chow line, drill Sgt. catches them and send to the back of the line telling them that after chow he'll get them. Get back to company area about 6:30, we're dismiss till to the barracks "toe the line"(final accountability), he tells the two talkers to stay behind. 8:30 toe the line, Drill Sgt show up, brings his big sister who is also a drill Sgt. Two soldiers and two weapons missing. Drill Sgt is furious, goes on a five minutes rant, finally some steps up and says "Drill Sgt, you took Privates Ross and Scott to smoke them after chow, and we haven't seen them since. Drill Sgt. mouth drops, he regains his composure and yell, "Private, you better go get them!". Soldier come back exhausted cover in a layer of dust. Drill Sgt. not admitted he forgot about them says, "Now, you're no longer going to talk in the chow hall" Then leaves like nothing happen.
#9 - HappyBus (04/02/2014) [-]
Ok I'll contribute a little of what I can remember. Most of the good ********* games I can remember are from boot camp, or are stories of friends of mine when they were at boot camp. Myself and three close friends are Marines and another is a Sailor.
When I was at boot camp (MCRDPI) during the crucible there is a night time land nav course you have to do. So you're trying to read a compass in pitch darkness through woods to find some points which are just sticks stuck in the ground with a spray painted ammo can on it. Well some of the DIs decided to mix in with the recruits, taking some guys "war gear" and switching their 8-point covers for the boonie covers that us recruits were wearing. So me and three other guys were going through the woods and we run into another group of two recruits. We just say whatsup and stop to talk to them cause nobody else is around. They start talking like "This is BS, I wanna go home, blah blah blah." Then two others come up... The first group of two one of them starts saying how he got family to send him a tin of Copenhagen dip and how he hid it in the ceiling tiles of the gear room. He even invites us to sneak over to his deck to have some one night... Then the two guys from that other group that just came up lean in and say "what was your name again?" It was then that I realized it was my Senior DI and another DI who I didn't recognize or know. The SDI then turned to me and goes "anon get the **** out of here, now" which of course I did.
We were Follow series and they were apparently from Lead series, so we had no idea who those recruits were. That kid didn't get dropped, but apparently he got ************ with the rest of the crucible and a little bit during Marine Week, and he was forced to eat the tin of dip when they got back.
#27 - wardenspectre (04/02/2014) [-]
"Put it back"   
My sides no longer exist
"Put it back"

My sides no longer exist
#41 - crazykidwithaknife (04/02/2014) [-]
First one is definitely the best punishment I ever heard
First one is definitely the best punishment I ever heard
#26 - cantfindausername (04/02/2014) [-]
"put it back!"

So this is how I die.
User avatar #79 to #26 - quotes (04/02/2014) [-]
they did a special which was like 2 weeks in hell which i think was a pretraining to see if you can get into some unit (idk which) and they worked you so hard you would throw up and if u did u had to put it in your pocket........ew
User avatar #70 - classybot (04/02/2014) [-]
Fun story from my barracks:
so we had this feller in the barracks which was known to be a retarded tard.
He was known for stupid ass questions (like 'Captain sir, if I shoot the gun will bullets come out?') and for generally doing over the top things.
After about two months of being with the guy, we found out that he actually pissed in his drinking bottle. Every morning he went and emptied the last night urine into the sink. One morning, while doing that, he looked at me and did the slyest ******* grin I ever saw on a private's face.
Well, didn't take long 'till our drill sarge found out. He of course told him that it wasn't okay to do that.
A month later, he was sent to a psychologist (he did hanging knots from, i dunno, tapeworms and **** ), which resulted into him being sent back home.
On the last day, before leaving, he walked in his civilian clothing to the door of our room and before leaving, he turned at us and said with an awfully nasoly voice "I'll be back".
Didn't take long for us to name said guy as the Piss Avenger.
#71 to #70 - achmedmuhammed (04/02/2014) [-]
When told that our m16's were gas operated this private and my best buddy asked the drill Seargent where you put the gas in the m16
User avatar #72 to #71 - classybot (04/02/2014) [-]
The guy I am talking about would of asked "Does the gas have to be helium or is a fart enough"
#88 to #72 - stealingbikes (04/02/2014) [-]
I laughed way harder at that than I should've at that
#67 - chiefecho (04/02/2014) [-]
Am a US Marine. Can confirm all marine corp stories.
#48 - gammagammalover (04/02/2014) [-]
Nice to see you took this straight from a Reddit thread
User avatar #29 - ichtudirweh (04/02/2014) [-]
Got one from basic at MCRD Parris Island, SC.

Apparently our scuzzing (brushing the deck) wasn't as fast and efficient as the DIs would of liked, so they made us take all our racks and slide them into the middle of the room, creating a big rectangular race track. We then proceeded to run the 'Indy 500' where we had to race each other (59 other recruits) around the room, all the while scuzzing the deck. 20 laps later, we didn't have a clear winner, but I'll be damned if those floors didn't look fantastic.
User avatar #45 - apillow (04/02/2014) [-]
Taken directly from reddit, give credit when it is due
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