GUIDE TO Mattata
8, ieat, SQUIDGE
TIE! WILL MOW OFF YOUR NEH
DASI: I. : I' m about to show you some pretty experimental shit. so I hold no '
for anyone who' s face is blown out the back or their head at how revolutionary it is. I also hold no
responsibility tor any dicks blown on by how delicious this shit tastes.
Star Mutant' one
Alright, firstly make sure you are mentally prepared for what is
about to happen. Breathe in stormy through your nose and
exhale out your mouth. If you are not calm then the next steps will
definitely make you freak the fuck out,
once you feel ready for the journey that lies ahead, you must get
yourself a mug, Not some pussy sized mug, a big fucker
like the one pictured to the left here. I chose one that illustrates my
manly lave for chocolate. Chocolate is Inciting delicious, &m' t even
try to deny that. you lying piece of shit.
Sign Two, Pussy
may You' re doing good, You' managed to contain the
sexual energy of getting your mug. Maw
you must get your first ingredient: wheat halts. you can
use any kind of similar cereal but I' m using ASDA' s own,
because do I look like I' m made or money to you? FUCK.
Now I know what your thinking. This is a drink,
what the fuck do I need cereal for? Well this is
a flicking breakfast SLUDGE so you' re gonna need
something to thicken it out, and what could be
better than some wheat? one is
usually enough to make it a nice consistency, but
once you' done this a couple of times you might
be able to handle a second. Crush that mother
tucker up in your mug. Treat it like owes you
money, because that wheaty asshole needs to be
crushed as SHIT otherwise it wont melt properly
Now its time In! some whee. canoe AND cereal??
Yes, motherfucker. I told you this shit was hem
the future. Add as much coffee as you want.
obviously more = better. notice I' m not using
some fucking pussy tea spoon. Who do you think
I am? A tucking new
Remember: caffeine shakes are gods way or saying
Yuu' started this day currectly", Keep this in
mind when adding your ingredients.
Tea AND coffee?? I know what you' re thinking this
is buttshit insane, but let' s consider this for a
moment. It' s the morning, you don' t have time to
choose which delicious beverage you want to drink,
and you certainly don' t have to make both, so why
not combine the shit out of them? Also it tastes so
good you' ll want to tear off your own balls because
you didn' t try it sooner.
Now add some sugar, notice the hag fucking
spoon is back, because I' m not a pussy like you. f
you' re a total faggot and don' t like sugar with your
tea/ coffee/ wheat basks, then I suggest you MAN THE
FUCK up and put it in anyway.
Now add some hot chocolate you the mix. Like I said
earlier, this shit it fucking delicious if it wasn' t why
the fuck would they put it on the side of a mug?
It doesn' t matter how much you put in, just pour the
fucker until you have a nice brown dusty mound.
Now its time for the secret fucking ingridtan .
cinnamon. This shit will turn this sludge from good
to good, tou can never add we
much of this shit, so just pour it the fuck in and stop
whining like a little bitch. The deliciously warming
scent may cause you to become deeply aroused,
don' t worry, this is normal.
Jesus Fuck you' re almost finished. Now you must add
some boiling as shit water. If you' re not a complete
dumbass you will have already set the kettle to boil
so you can just pour that shit straight in.
The delicious aroma of your sludge will hit you in the
face harder than a brick thrown by Steven seam
Try to contain your ravenous urge to drink your
sludge hr a moment because there' s still more shit
okay, north's part sofucking KEY. Stink fuck out I ll.
of your sludge. Don' t worry of if isn' t a thick
consistency yet, this won' t happen until it cools a
Make sure you SQUEEZE THE TEABAG on the side
with your spoon (As shown in that awesome as
shit picture). If you don' t there' s pretty much no
point putting in a team at all because you wont
Lastly, pour in some fucking milk. Milk is good
because it comes out on cow, and cow is
fucking delicious, so you know this shit' s good.
I' m using milk here because!
used all the stuff making this shit
earlier. I don' t advise using
unless you' re a fat piece of shit and could do
with a alternative.
Finally stir that motherfucker again and you' re
ready to drink your creation.
I strongly recommend you drink this sludge in a well populated area, with a nearby hospital.
This is because this breakfast sludge is so tucking delicious that it' ll literally blow your dick clean
off. women should consult their doctor before drinking this shit because of the sheer amount of
testosterone produced while making and drinking this sludge may cause you to grow a penis,
which will then be blown burirom how tucking good this shit actually is.
lull your wine on will Cold