I need someone to talk to

Hey guys, I need to vent and also ask for your opinions. Sorry If my thoughts dont seem coherent. Lately I've been feeling waves of depression due to loneliness that I have caused upon myself. Now It's not like I dont have friends; I have a wide circle of internet friends that ive known for about 5 years, and since I've gone to college this year, I have made a pretty good circle of friends (about 7 people) as well as making daily social interactions with the people around my dorm. But there still is this gnawing feeling at the back of my head that tells me I'm worthless or that i'm gonna **** up somehow and lose these people that I've made these relationships with. Now I was diagnosed with aspergers at a young age and was bullied by my brother for most of my life. It didnt help that we whent to the same school (my brother was very sociable and people liked him quickly) so everyone started bullying me physically and verbally. I feel like this made me very shy and nervous around people as I felt like they were always looking at my flaws or just ways to shun/not like me. The result was i never put that much effort into relationships or social interactions. i never spoke to you unless you started the conversation, i never made plans with people, nothing. Nowadays, my parents tell me they put so much time and efort into me and how great i turned out, that they feel they neglected my brother, and that they feel bad for him. (He's actually very nice to me now. Can still be a dick sometimes but tthats besides the point). So now I feel guilty constantly that I should be doing better than i am now In terms of education and socail life **** but the truth is im tired. there are days where all I think is dying or just not existing. I would never actually kill myself though because I am scared of what is left after this ( i think nothing) but also how it will affect the people around me. This leaves me in a weird space where Im fine and i feel normal most days but whenever i **** up or do something wrong, I feel like laying down and giving up on everything. All these horrible thoughts flood into my head like the floodgates have opened up and i feel like drowning. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I cant take risks at all unless people tell me its alright or that its not that bad. Being at college, I feel like a big part is starting relationships with people (plutonic and romantic) yet Im so full of fear and self doubt that I cant even talk to a girl unless they talk to me first. Ive been to the bar with friends and they find me a girl and say "go talk to her" but i cant because Im petrified with fear and self doubt like "what if she doesnt like me? What if we have nothing in common? what if i do something stupid and everyone laughs at me?" and i know that if any of this happens, its gonna get ugly. Ive basically come to terms with the fact that Im probablly going to die alone, probably adopting a child as I never will be able to make a lasting relationship with anyone. Even now with best friends i talk to everyday, i now talk to maybe once a week since i have all this work to do. I know it's pretty awful, but i feel like I'll never be worth anyone's time. . If anyone can recommend anything it would mean the world to me, or even just talk about ****. It's late at night, Im working on a class project and i feel like giving up on everything.