I'm enjoying my summer. Pure OC. This happened yesterday. Brother is currently in hospital. Doctors said in medical terms that he had an ''Fear induced emotiona
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I'm enjoying my summer

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I'm enjoying my summer. Pure OC. This happened yesterday. Brother is currently in hospital. Doctors said in medical terms that he had an ''Fear induced emotiona

Pure OC. This happened yesterday. Brother is currently in hospital. Doctors said in medical terms that he had an ''Fear induced emotional breakdown'' or something along those lines. It was a great ******* day for me.

Also this is like my first text story so sorry if i'm not that good.

older brother who is more scared of common house lizards than
he is of death
Slummer. JPEG
with bro in the living room
of ******* nowhere a lizard lands on his leg
reaction time
get up from couch and look at lizard
at bro' s face
Look at lizard
is still as a statue
Spuddenly bro starts moving and very gently picks the lizard up from his leg
onto the palm of his hand
Blizard must be high as **** because it aint even trying to give a ****
mpa
Bro clenched his fist so hard that he made mashed potatoes out of lizard
as much force as a human possibly can and throws the remains of
lizard as far as humanle
at hand
me in the face
expression, no expression
Pstart screaming so hard that i thought he was the voice actor for Eren' s titan
llooks at ceiling still screaming
Iscream keeps getting louder and lower pitched with each loop
Thears start rolling down his face
Bealls on the ground mid scream
Wrasses out
BEST SUMMER EVER 152/ 10
...
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Views: 24523
Favorited: 65
Submitted: 04/29/2014
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Comments(97):

[ 97 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #1 - kiaserzerg (04/29/2014) [-]
so he bitched out so hard his brain went into bitch coma mode?
#3 to #1 - awcskin (04/29/2014) [-]
yeah but for those few seconds his alpha self came out and very calmly and gentle picked that lizard up and then made a supernova with his hand
#20 - chikiel (04/30/2014) [-]
Where the hell do you live where the phrase "Common House Lizard" exists?!
Where the hell do you live where the phrase "Common House Lizard" exists?!
User avatar #24 to #20 - olimpa (04/30/2014) [-]
In australia there are geckos literally everywhere and if you have shingle in your garden there are so many skinks that your garden moves when you walk in it...
User avatar #36 to #24 - hellomynameisbill (04/30/2014) [-]
that is indeed true, but I'm sure that closing doors and windows thank allah for screen mesh is good enough for the term "house lizard" to be uncommon
User avatar #46 to #36 - ninjaroo (04/30/2014) [-]
Your house isn't air tight. Cracks in brick, gaps in roofing tiles, **** like that lets the small things in.
User avatar #51 to #46 - hellomynameisbill (04/30/2014) [-]
sure, they get in under the floors and in around the walls, but they don't dare enter the house and its rooms.
User avatar #97 to #51 - olimpa (05/01/2014) [-]
ah you'd be surprised they naturally flock to light due to moths, so they enter the house all the time natural pest control really, I love lizards so it never bothered me...
#37 to #20 - anon (04/30/2014) [-]
Where the **** do YOU live?
Every place i know its very comon to have a bearded dragon or a gecko as a pet, even in the US.
User avatar #43 to #37 - chikiel (04/30/2014) [-]
Chicago. And the dude wasn't talking about a pet. He made it sound like a fly or a spider. Like its just a common thing to have lizards droppin' from the ceiling. And I realize certain animals are indigenous to certain regions of the world, but for a ot of us "Common House Lizard" is a tad unsettling.
User avatar #40 to #20 - playerdous (04/30/2014) [-]
In Hawaii theres a bright green lizard that people let in and out of their homes since they eat bugs.
User avatar #41 to #20 - ritafoxyy (04/30/2014) [-]
See geckos all over the place in Hawaii. It's always a relief when I see movement in my house and it's a gecko instead of a centipede.
#25 to #20 - tinglyturtletaint (04/30/2014) [-]
These geckos are ******* everywhere on the west coast.
User avatar #56 to #25 - zoologyexplain (04/30/2014) [-]
You must be talking about Cali. Never seen one in OR or WA
User avatar #57 to #56 - tinglyturtletaint (04/30/2014) [-]
Cali, Arizona, and Texas that I know of. I assumed they were everywhere around the west though.
User avatar #33 to #20 - dinosaurshit (04/30/2014) [-]
Florida
User avatar #50 to #33 - jdogtwoptzero (04/30/2014) [-]
Ah, the good old Brown Anole. An invasive species that pushed back the native populations of Green Anoles (much prettier in my opinion). Having moved to Utah, I do miss seeing those little bastards running around all over the place.
User avatar #53 to #50 - dinosaurshit (04/30/2014) [-]
I love them, and the geckos too!
User avatar #54 to #53 - jdogtwoptzero (04/30/2014) [-]
I always did like seeing the house geckos at night.
User avatar #60 to #58 - jdogtwoptzero (04/30/2014) [-]
You know, I tried keeping one of those in a cage one time with a green anole I caught, and they are some sort of escape artist. I had the green anole for a few years, but within a few the days the gecko got out. Every now and then it would appear in my bedroom.
#16 - joeypie (04/30/2014) [-]
Brothers FW lizard lands on him.
Brothers FW lizard lands on him.
#5 - bigjinfinity (04/29/2014) [-]
>happened yesterday   
>summer.jpeg
>happened yesterday
>summer.jpeg
User avatar #10 to #5 - acetrainerewan (04/29/2014) [-]
because it was summer there were more lizards
User avatar #18 to #5 - Icanfeelmyhairgrow (04/30/2014) [-]
My last exam was April 27. So its summer for me.

#college
#29 to #5 - anon (04/30/2014) [-]
Florida? It's pretty ******* hot out here, my white winter coat has been long gone.
#7 to #5 - dropship (04/29/2014) [-]
Southern hemisphere have their summers when northern hemisphere is in winter.
User avatar #8 to #7 - bigjinfinity (04/29/2014) [-]
But it's spring
User avatar #9 to #8 - dropship (04/29/2014) [-]
Well technically it'd then be Autumn in the southern hemisphere, but it's only a month in so I can understand where OP is coming from. Also maybe they're in the northern hemisphere and it's just unusually hot for this time of year, like it was in England today. Felt like summer.
User avatar #49 to #9 - ktbmnf (04/30/2014) [-]
feels more like winter down here in australia than it does august. load of **** . **** yoy melbourne weather
User avatar #69 to #49 - skulldan ONLINE (04/30/2014) [-]
melbourne weather is HORRID, one day its 39 degrees
the next top of 18 and hailing WHERE DOES IT COME FROM
User avatar #82 to #69 - ktbmnf (04/30/2014) [-]
i don't ******* know man. right now its 12 degrees
User avatar #89 to #82 - skulldan ONLINE (04/30/2014) [-]
its freezing! Do you live south or north of melbourne?
User avatar #90 to #89 - ktbmnf (04/30/2014) [-]
south. on the mornington peninsula, Mount Eliza
User avatar #91 to #90 - skulldan ONLINE (04/30/2014) [-]
oh cool, i live between you and the city. Dandenong area.
User avatar #92 to #91 - ktbmnf (04/30/2014) [-]
you dont usually meet people on funnyjunk who are even remotely close to you, hahaha
User avatar #93 to #92 - skulldan ONLINE (04/30/2014) [-]
haha, i have actually seen lots of australians around
#70 to #8 - anon (04/30/2014) [-]
Bitch, Southern CA has no Spring. We have 't-shirt season' and 'as naked as possible without getting arrested season.'
#22 - italianchef (04/30/2014) [-]
are common house lizards actually a thing?
User avatar #23 to #22 - brothergrimm ONLINE (04/30/2014) [-]
look up "Green Anole" that's basically it
#32 to #23 - anon (04/30/2014) [-]
We get geckos in texas
User avatar #44 to #32 - satansferret (04/30/2014) [-]
geckos are everywhere in texas...there we some roaming the campus, chillin in the elevator one sitting on the urinal. everywhere...
User avatar #39 to #22 - playerdous (04/30/2014) [-]
Depends on the region, cuban lizards are the norm where I live. Invasive little bastards.
#38 - DrollHumor (04/30/2014) [-]
>Be 10   
>Climbing trees n 			****		   
>Up on the highest branch that can support me   
>Moved away from trunk, trying to reach roof of house   
>Spider falls from branch above me   
>Into my shirt   
>MFW I had to remove it without losing balance and hitting the concrete patio below
>Be 10
>Climbing trees n ****
>Up on the highest branch that can support me
>Moved away from trunk, trying to reach roof of house
>Spider falls from branch above me
>Into my shirt
>MFW I had to remove it without losing balance and hitting the concrete patio below
User avatar #35 - demandsgayversion (04/30/2014) [-]
Common house lizard? Where the **** do you live, a cave?
#61 to #35 - Zyklone (04/30/2014) [-]
Maybe you live in a cold cave without lizards like me.
User avatar #52 to #35 - jdogtwoptzero (04/30/2014) [-]
Try any area with a consistently warmer climate. Take Florida for exampe. We had Brown Anoles (invasive and ***************** ), Green Anoles (native, less common), house geckos, Five-lined skinks (also go by Blue-Tailed Skinks), etc. You can see where I'm going. Try living somewhere that doesn't have a winter.
User avatar #72 to #52 - sonicsyndicate ONLINE (04/30/2014) [-]
i take every lizard i find in the house and promptly drive to my grandmothers house and throw it through the window at her then she always chases me all the way to my house in her car and we make dinner an grandad comes over to eat with us
#48 to #35 - anon (04/30/2014) [-]
Anywhere south of Tennessee
User avatar #2 - walcorn ONLINE (04/29/2014) [-]
Poor lizard.
:'^(
User avatar #26 - assrocket (04/30/2014) [-]
One or two lizards at a time is ******* cute.
40 at a time? ******* nope.

Unless they're all tied to tiny helium balloons.
#47 to #26 - supercookieduster (04/30/2014) [-]
semi related??
User avatar #86 to #47 - donalbaine (04/30/2014) [-]
Holy **** , this has me rolling.. ******* lost it at the picture of the drunken toad tied up to the balloons. Bravo, kind stranger, bravo..
#31 - anon (04/30/2014) [-]
>Be me you lost me there
User avatar #28 - ImmortalBaconEater (04/30/2014) [-]
Living somewhere where they have common house lizards must be strange.
#30 - lazaman (04/30/2014) [-]
I would have 			*******		 bashed your brothers face in until it was a pile of mush on the floor.   
   
HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY KILL A 			*******		 LIZARD!   
THEY DON'T DO 			****		 TO YOU MAN, THEY ARE SO CHILL, AND THEY LOVE MINDING THEIR OWN BUSINESS!   
   
KILL HIM NOW.
I would have ******* bashed your brothers face in until it was a pile of mush on the floor.

HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY KILL A ******* LIZARD!
THEY DON'T DO **** TO YOU MAN, THEY ARE SO CHILL, AND THEY LOVE MINDING THEIR OWN BUSINESS!

KILL HIM NOW.
User avatar #68 to #30 - tankeruber (04/30/2014) [-]
As many people have said, when you have a phobia, your instinct is to: Run/Kill, just like in the stone ages. I have a phobia of bugs and spiders. I don't give a **** what anybody says, if something as "pointless" as a fly comes in my room, it's getting sprayed with industrial grade acid. Don't even get me started on anything with even the smallest offensive capability like wasps or bees.
#59 to #30 - calloftheshadows (04/30/2014) [-]
DO YOU PRAISE?!? >:C
#63 to #59 - earlploddington (04/30/2014) [-]
OH MY GOD DO I PRAISE
#96 to #63 - galkawhm (04/30/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#66 to #30 - anon (04/30/2014) [-]
I mean, it IS his phobia. It's just natural reaction.
A snake bites what it eats, and what it fears.

I don't think the kid had any intention of eating that lizard.
User avatar #62 to #30 - Zyklone (04/30/2014) [-]
they are like rats or roaches. with their own diseases.
dumbkid made it so much worse by spreading fluids.



Still kill him. no need for his type in the future.
filthycasual.jpeg
User avatar #42 to #30 - ironsoul (04/30/2014) [-]
He would probably do to your trachea what he did to the lizard. Dude has a major phobia, there is nothing rational about it. He doesn't stop and think, "hey, this thing can't hurt me, he is a pretty cool little dude" He thinks "AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH, GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF"
#12 - megavoir (04/29/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#34 to #12 - zekamaru (04/30/2014) [-]
LIZARDS ARE MY TRIGGEEEERRRRR
LIZARDS ARE MY TRIGGEEEERRRRR
#14 to #12 - jaegarbombastic (04/30/2014) [-]
LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDD
#27 to #14 - legitimately (04/30/2014) [-]
TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS
#19 to #14 - baogames ONLINE (04/30/2014) [-]
I WILL KILL ALL THE LIZARDS
I WILL KILL ALL THE LIZARDS
#71 to #14 - anon (04/30/2014) [-]
You'd think there would be more hentai of Titan form Eren licking normal humans out there..
#67 - kyrozor ONLINE (04/30/2014) [-]
Amazing. I spilled my coffee on my dick but it will heal.
#78 to #67 - huntergriff ONLINE (04/30/2014) [-]
w...why was your dick out?
User avatar #79 to #78 - kyrozor ONLINE (04/30/2014) [-]
Implications were made that liquids no longer go through fabric.
User avatar #80 to #79 - huntergriff ONLINE (04/30/2014) [-]
oh...I figured this would have been a cool story...nevermind.
User avatar #81 to #80 - kyrozor ONLINE (04/30/2014) [-]
No cool stories today, bro.
User avatar #84 to #81 - huntergriff ONLINE (04/30/2014) [-]
well...Alrighty then.
#83 - nocta (04/30/2014) [-]
lost it at eren's titan voice actor
lost it at eren's titan voice actor
#55 - octagon (04/30/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#21 - anon (04/30/2014) [-]
Common house lizards. I can't be the only person who was like, "What the actual **** ?".
User avatar #15 - Riukanojutsu ONLINE (04/30/2014) [-]
Id prolly have a similar reaction if an australia sized spider landed on me.
#75 - grandmabetty (04/30/2014) [-]
HOW COULD YOU KILL A LIZARD YOU CUNT
HOW COULD YOU KILL A LIZARD YOU CUNT
User avatar #6 - chuckstein (04/29/2014) [-]
The new Mountain Dew Flavor: Lizard did Nothing Wrong.
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