i just cant read

whatdoyawant

On April Fool' s day, NPR had an extremely simple joke
that turned out to be an incredibly effective demonstration
of how much commenters on Falsehood actually read of
the articles they comment on...
The post was simple:
a link
bill I .
What has become of our brains?
why Doesn' t America Rand Anymore?
WWW not mg
In an age or readily tumble and ways to
90! it we Spt' to be losing our powers oi
Except it you actually MMT through you got this:
genuine tenders, and happy April Farris' Day’
We no the one that some maple my on mt stems that
Jus, please like this post and do not
an it Their has In to soy about this 'srory _
Beat ' sftu , day
or we
And oi course, it worked like T charm. some commenters
blamed w. games and TV, others got angry and Allende's
because they were who accused of not reading:
American who reads compulsively I find this offensive and
completely untrue
to 1 _ Yesterday at 3
I who says Americans daft read? As an
3 Andrew) Greene Your comment is so Funny!
A 1 _ Yesterday at 3
I can' t believe i' m reading an article about
how I don' t read anymore,
as _ Anni 1 at IO
I Are you SURE you' re reading the
article?
so 20 V April 1 at to
ashh... you must have interviewed right
outside the Annual Moran' s Convention. Everyone I know is
reading obsessed,
April 1 at 3
it is because or video games.
That' s my theory. Plus, people just read on the internet
these days. out I still read and love paper hooks. I hate nooks
and mules.
E" level reader or his class. The levels in his class are A,
beginner, to E, expert. My niece & oldest nephew are voracious
readers as well. so. NPR, wipe those nervous beads of sweat
from your brow, sit back, or read & conduct research at a
library lot another NPR story. There are plenty or ,
you Just have to look for them.
so 1 _ Yesterday at 8
it AIS hope your brilliant nieces and
nephews can help you read the article.
to S _ 22 hours ago
My youngest nephew, a kindergarteners, is an
Well clearly roux News viewers
stopped reading everything except "hooky by Canker.
Militia & (3' Reilly. and Palm, which explains A LOT.
1 _ Yesterday at 12
That is a picture of
aeolas..... those are? We are not talking
about the ability to read text messages. or so article s
abat ACTUALLY reading for pleasure and
People don' t have the attention span or the
patience to read.
so 1 _ April 1 at 9
I I see you took the patience to read the
article, so did you get a lot tranformation from in
what paints did you agree/ disagree with?
22 hours ago
uemm yea, our son reads enough for
many families plus plays video games and lifts weights and
goes off with his friends and has a lot om ‘magma than He
loves reading and you parents should teach this to your
children as well.
at _ April 1 at 7
I read all the time. I don' t watch
much video. everyone In my lamely reads a lot too. more so
than watching ed Catchy headline, but not true.
01 _ April 1 at 7 zoom
because or mp music and young earth
creationists
A 1 _ April 1 at 6
As we lights back the deep, existential terror
that people are reading their articles, and still questioning
their reason for existence.
Really, Ne noticed more articles lately, with more questionable
content.
at 3
Television it' s the . People expect to
get information from it without effort. What they get is sold
a bill of useless gulags. Just sit and let it pour into your
vulnerable brain.
A 1 _ April lat 12 Edited
In the words of ATH _ A book?! No sir! Shake
says that books is from the devil, and that TV is twice as
A 1 _ April 1 at 11
Why transport yourself to far off worlds
through books when there are so many dang video games
out there to be played? Seriously. who the heck wants to read?
A) _ April I at 10
Because kids are addicted to video games &
n WANG parents aren' t reading to their s, When I was
little we neverland to bed without 3 story. my days we have
at least 2 generations who don' t read.
April lat 10
If Faceblack is any indicator (and it is)
most people don' t even bother to read the entire headline.
much less the content, Why would we expect them to read an
entire book?
April 1 at 11
Luckily, there were some people who got the joke:
we who are the biggest losers in this social
experiment: the people who didn' t read and commented
anyway as though they did, the people that did read and
commented " though they didn' t. or the people that either
didn' t read closely enough to follow the instructions or couldn' t
even wait 10 mums to spoil thejoke? I can' t decide, but
thanks for the insight into Internet , NPR.
to 182 _ April 1 at 10
And some took the joke and ran with "
Brilliant, but a bit obscure for my taste.
second paragraph stun about democrats vs
replica's and the value or education. I do think the part about
the we debate being mostly about liberal bias is entirely spot
on Not to mention all the stem about Fax News, Glenn Beck
and illegal aliens being the real heroes in the war against
terror.
Overall a great well balanced article.
491 _ April 1 at 11

...

+1177

Views:	34654
Favorited:	67
Submitted:	10/17/2015

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+437

#1 - umbrage (10/17/2015) [-]

**umbrage used "*roll picture*"**
**umbrage rolled image** This is the reason kids today don't read.

-29

#54 to #1 - affix (10/17/2015) [-]

Windows is like a beautiful woman that slaps you, like really hard once a day and you don't know when she's gonna do it. She isn't picky. You've known her all your life.

Mac is like a pretty, brilliant woman that will surprise you with her knowledge of audio engineering, her comprehension speed, and ease of use. But she's picky as hell and many things she doesn't do. What she does is fantastic. You don't have to buy her anything special, she comes equipped. Her touch is precise, and she doesn't break easy.

Before you reply to me, i expect you to have had PURCHASED both mac and pc. Good day.

+18

#60 to #54 - cabbagemayhem (10/17/2015) [-]

-7

#76 to #60 - Shiny ONLINE (10/17/2015) [-]

I despise Apple and their products, but still.

#80 to #76 - cabbagemayhem (10/17/2015) [-]

Well...yeah, games are important. If you don't play them, I feel bad for you, but Apple products might be more attractive. However, I met someone who was using a Mac to stream from his XBox, and it gave him a constant jitter. It turned out he needed more memory to get rid of it. Guess how much the memory upgrade would cost him? $800

#85 to #80 - Shiny ONLINE (10/18/2015) [-]

Did you miss the spoiler? Saying Apple sucks because their products don't run games other than Facebook garbage is like saying if they did, they wouldn't suck. Even games ported to OS X usually run much less efficiently.

#87 to #85 - cabbagemayhem (10/18/2015) [-]

No, I read it. I actually use an iPhone now because my Android failed me, and my phone must always work in my business. I couldn't suffer to ever use a Mac computer, but I can't knock all Apple products anymore. Plus, don't swindle the Fatal1ty Wendel.

#88 to #87 - Shiny ONLINE (10/18/2015) [-]

Different strokes, but for reliability as a handset, I wouldn't trust any smartphone. Even as a huge FOSS hippie I'll admit Android sucks, even the parts that aren't closed.

-2

#93 to #80 - affix (10/18/2015) [-]

Everybody says "Don't get a mac" So they never do and never experience what it's like

It's ******* fantastic, after using windows for 10 years. It's a relief. I can't believe its better but it is.

You windows elists turn to destroying every little thing wrong with mac and preech never using it, following in line with windows. Who is the sheeple if you just do what people did before you, never TRYING NEW GODDAMN THINGS? I took the leap and got a mac and im glad i did.

#94 to #93 - cabbagemayhem (10/18/2015) [-]

I prefer having a powerful, economic computer. I like being able to choose the parts that are important to me, and upgrade without great cost. I like that manufacturers compete for quality and price. I like that no one company controls my whole PC and tells me what I need.

Mac has the advantage (and disadvantage) of being a closed-garden experience. They control the hardware and the software, and what it does do, it will probably do well. I can imagine that will fit someone's use case, but I can't imagine recommending it to my computer illiterate mother at those prices.

+14

#55 to #54 - anon (10/17/2015) [-]

personally i would say windows slaps you really hard once a week, but like 3 or 4 times in a row.

#58 to #54 - thrifty ONLINE (10/17/2015) [-]

Because brilliant women often surprise with their.... ease of use?

#65 to #54 - stonetomcat (10/17/2015) [-]

And then Mac turns out to be a self-centered asswipe, who makes you do everything her way. But if you try to do anything you like, anything whatsoever, she will shout at you to "stop being a lazy **** ", even after you've cleaned the gutters, dusted every room, washed the cat, washed the car, and cleared the driveway for the hundredth time.

And then you realize that a slap a day isn't that bad compared to that ******** .
Source: I've used both systems many times.

#90 to #54 - luqmanr (10/18/2015) [-]

i have a desktop PC and a macbook. They're both good as work-machines. I still can't comprehend people bitching about windows, maybe they just have an absolutely ********* PC or are a nonWindows fanboy. OSX haters too are probably just going with the bandwagon. I have windows installed on my macbook though, just because i'm infested in my windows ecosystem for work.

#91 to #90 - affix (10/18/2015) [-]

Speaking of bandwagon check my thumbs on comment 54

#84 to #54 - satansferret ONLINE (10/18/2015) [-]

Does she come included with mac now?

#79 to #54 - infectedlamb (10/17/2015) [-]

I got a Macbook Pro, and I built a gaming PC. I ended up only using my mac for looking at funnyjunk, netflix, youtube, and porn while I'm on my bed. I use my PC for video games, work, writing, editing and scanning my drawings to color and polish. All I can say is i've purchased both, and i get more use out of my PC.

#78 to #54 - juter (10/17/2015) [-]

Mac is diagnosed with cancer, but too bad, she's a rigid, born-again Christian. No chemo treatment and no replacement organ surgery. She dies 2 years later and now you need to find a new girlfriend.

#70 to #54 - inomgod (10/17/2015) [-]

>>#55 >>#60
How about no. You're description is off.

Windows is a composed, average women. Well developed and intelligent. She does tend to get angry with you, maybe curse at you for an hour a week, Slaps are occasional.

Mac is a dumb bitch, she won't do anything you say, you have to buy **** for her all the time, especially since she breaks all her things. She's a bit slow, and she just has good looks. She is lacking everywhere else. A hallow women.

-2

#92 to #70 - affix (10/18/2015) [-]

Im sorry you don't know how to use your mac.
I don't blame you, its very different from windows.
I have spent, no money, on my mac since i got it.
In that time i have replaced windows parts or replaced entire computers.

I've spent more on windows than mac because i game.

#95 to #92 - inomgod (10/18/2015) [-]

I know how to use a Mac. I am talking about all the accessories that require Apple's pant's on head retarded backwards power or other cable jacks when trying got use anything not build in, even as basic as headphones.

I am sorry you don't know how to use your PC, since you break it all the time. On a side note, at least PC's can replace parts.

-2

#96 to #95 - affix (10/18/2015) [-]

Windows craps out. No viruses. Storage kept below 50%. Over time it gets slower until it craps out.

And headphones? What the **** ? You got problems man if you are buying **** just to make headphones work. Im sorry that happened to you but your credibility is falling.

#64 to #54 - iamkagji ONLINE (10/17/2015) [-]

Except that while Windows is terrible, Mac is even worse. Go **** yourself with an ipad, fanboy.

#72 to #1 - majormoron (10/17/2015) [-]

#39 to #1 - itskennyandjosh ONLINE (10/17/2015) [-]

**itskennyandjosh used "*roll picture*"**
**itskennyandjosh rolled image** is it true?

#3 to #1 - ivehadworse (10/17/2015) [-]

#42 to #3 - wellimnotsure (10/17/2015) [-]

no, no its not

#44 to #42 - shunkahawolf (10/17/2015) [-]

dont judge my fetish

#45 to #44 - wellimnotsure (10/17/2015) [-]

too ******* late

#8 to #1 - thefunnyside (10/17/2015) [-]

Haven't laughed this hard in a while. Nice roll

#2 to #1 - zacoren (10/17/2015) [-]

sweetroll

#63 to #1 - stonetomcat (10/17/2015) [-]

#4 to #1 - superpianoman (10/17/2015) [-]

#46 to #1 - aguycalledlee (10/17/2015) [-]

#6 to #1 - gandr (10/17/2015) [-]

#48 to #1 - TittyCinnamon (10/17/2015) [-]

too long didn't read

#49 to #48 - avatice (10/17/2015) [-]

I hope that was in reference to the story about NPR. If not I'll have to ask how you could possibly be that lazy.

#50 to #49 - TittyCinnamon (10/17/2015) [-]

it was. his roll was actually pretty funny.

#52 to #50 - avatice (10/17/2015) [-]

Alright. Though really trying to use osx is like trying to fight your way through a forest of dicks, not just one. You're in the forest, and you gotta push your way past all the low hanging dicks to get to the computer, but it's super dense, and after chopping your way through like a million dicks, you get to the computer and you try to put your had on the mouse, open up the Internet or whatever, but the mouse has turned into a dick too. And you gotta massage it just right to make it work with any kind of sane ******* functionality and then just when you open up whatever you were trying to do, it redirects you to too Apple.dick cause you gotta upgrade the dual dick core that you just spent a thousand dollars on, they just released a new computer, now made of 100% dick.

+23

#9 - battledude (10/17/2015) [-]

who actually clicks links like that though

#28 to #9 - mrshrapnel ONLINE (10/17/2015) [-]

I do with a few ones

#26 to #9 - Jeff C (10/17/2015) [-]

People who wasn't to read the article..?
"Oh hey the page I follow, NPR, just shared their newest article from NPR.com . ******* clickbait trolls zomg do people actually read those?"

#12 - karroll (10/17/2015) [-]

Can I identify as a Reblican?

#14 to #12 - talpss (10/17/2015) [-]

Sure, unless you want the fury of a thousand red pinkies. Only leftists allowed here, buddy. /s

#15 to #14 - zionsype ONLINE (10/17/2015) [-]

Except FJ has very clearly been shown to be a Republican circle-jerk as of late.

+14

#16 to #15 - talpss (10/17/2015) [-]

Holy damn dude, it was sarcasm. You know what the /s means? Sarcasm. Like... jesus christ man... I am so disappointed. In my opinion, FJ can lean either way. I'd say it's about half and half.

#17 to #16 - zionsype ONLINE (10/17/2015) [-]

I-I was only pretending to be retarded...
I'm sorry

#18 to #17 - talpss (10/17/2015) [-]

Click to show spoiler

I was about to ******* explode until I saw the spoiler...

#19 to #18 - zionsype ONLINE (10/17/2015) [-]

habe dank for your troubles

#20 to #19 - talpss (10/17/2015) [-]

This is why the first thing I do when I open a webm is turn down the volume to 1%.

#31 to #20 - ignusim has deleted their comment [-]

#32 to #31 - talpss (10/17/2015) [-]

Well sorry for being cautious.

#33 to #32 - ignusim (10/17/2015) [-]

Ah! Super sorry dude, clicked the wrong reply because I'd hit HIDE ALL. Didn't mean you, I meant the ************ who posted that loud ass webm.

-1

#71 to #33 - zionsype ONLINE (10/17/2015) [-]

how could you do this to me

#97 to #71 - ignusim (10/19/2015) [-]

#36 to #33 - talpss (10/17/2015) [-]

Now you know that you should always have your volume down to 1% on FJ.

#38 to #36 - ignusim (10/17/2015) [-]

Tell me about it D:

#34 to #19 - ignusim (10/17/2015) [-]

You're a terrible person for posting this.

-1

#69 to #15 - emptysuperman (10/17/2015) [-]

There's both here. It's just that /pol/ is here but the opposite end of the spectrum (SJWs) aren't. So it seems like FJ is right leaning.

#66 to #15 - iamkagji ONLINE (10/17/2015) [-]

What makes you think FJ is republican? From what I can tell, most people here are liberals with no allegiance to any political party

#61 to #15 - cabbagemayhem (10/17/2015) [-]

Yeah, in fact, FJ's pretty much always been like that. I guess we're just, you know... reasonable.

#23 to #14 - reeeeeeeeeee (10/17/2015) [-]

In fact, sorry, should have read your follow up comment

#24 to #23 - talpss (10/17/2015) [-]

And I was almost finished typing...

#25 to #24 - reeeeeeeeeee (10/17/2015) [-]

Crisis averted

#22 to #14 - reeeeeeeeeee (10/17/2015) [-]

FJ is absolutely not a mecca for the leftwing, are you crazy?

+26

#10 - guysimadeanaccount (10/17/2015) [-]

Except this person sounds like they clicked the article, and made a point about the fact that what was being allegedly written about was supposed to be books. Then some idiot felt the need to be cheeky and say "oh ho, did you REALLY READ IT *smirk smirk*"
I felt like they had a decent observation

#67 to #10 - hoponthefeelstrain (10/17/2015) [-]

still I hate prentintious book readers. Just because you read paper books, it doesn't make you better than someone who reads from an e-reader. I love both but I realize that kindles are better for the environment while paper books are great to document are advancement as a species, 100 yrs from now twilight will be all old and dusty sitting on someone's mantel. With an e-reader it's also cheaper to buy the book and you can take your whole library with you easily. both have pro's and con's. Doesn't matter how you got to the story, what matters is that you got to the end.

#98 to #67 - guysimadeanaccount (10/20/2015) [-]

I don't think this person is even referring strictly to paper books, just books in general rather than quick news articles/blogs/etc.

#47 - nowthatsedgy (10/17/2015) [-]

Can you blame them? We live in an age of clickbait articles with misleading headlines, no wonder people don't want to read them.

Even pages on FB you thought were legit and you could trust end up selling out to clickbait sooner or later.

#53 to #47 - xxitzchubbsxx (10/17/2015) [-]

My favourite clickbait article lately on facebook.
"You'll never guess what this mum found her husband doing with her child on nannycam."
The picture is taken at an angle that suggests the father is engaging in sexual activity with a 2 year old boy.
But it's just a 5 minute video of a father playing with his son over 8 hours sped up.

#83 to #53 - anon (10/18/2015) [-]

Ummm, why did you click it then?

#86 to #83 - anon (10/18/2015) [-]

#11 - Faz (10/17/2015) [-]

I don't know what makes these people more stupid, the fact that they didn't read the article before sharing their opinion or the fact that just because they/their family members read they think that it is proof enough that an entire country reads.

#62 - cabbagemayhem (10/17/2015) [-]

#75 to #62 - bazda (10/17/2015) [-]

"Most retarded comment on the entire internet" award goes to that guy.

#27 - derpthefifth (10/17/2015) [-]

Given the number of articles on FB it's much, much easier to look at the title, skim, and then comment. That doesn't necessarily say anything about the reading ability or comprehension of the internet people as a whole and rather speaks to the volume of moderately well written but ultimately boring and uninspired articles that are shoved into peoples faces daily on the Facebooks and over the internet in general.

#51 - toosexyforyou (10/17/2015) [-]

Honestly just sounds like all the trolls commented on it and ye old grannies of the internet who actually followed the article's instructions actually take the guy who said "wow I can't believe i just read an article about how i don't read" seriously.

#56 to #51 - blahblahblahblaaaa ONLINE (10/17/2015) [-]

ugh so sick of everyone and their troll phobia...i miss the days when comments like "what's a troll?" existed

#30 - nyuORlucy (10/17/2015) [-]

"rap music and young earth creationists"

#89 - puckisthis (10/18/2015) [-]

Click to show spoiler

So am i supposed to comment on this or???? also mfw reading

#82 - ludly (10/17/2015) [-]

Reminds me of a story I saw blowing up on my newsfeed a while back. About Gene Simmons and child porn. Now if you read the articles they said that none of the family were involved it was some guy using gene Simmons house to do it instead. But if you took one look at the comments it was clear how many people actually read any of this. Calling for Gene Simmons head, saying they would never listen to Kiss again. Just a bunch of people reading the first line and feeling compelled to share their opinion on the headline. To be fair though the articles were intentionally misleading hiding the fact that none of the family was actually involved in it behind layers of initial speculation. The headlines being the worst among them with some simply reading. Gene Simmons child porn. Obvious click bait. But that is another problem altogether with today's "news" and sensationalism

#74 - MasterManiac (10/17/2015) [-]

I mean only one person actually admitted to reading the article when they didn't. The others may just be commenting on the headline and the lead.

#81 to #74 - Whaaaaaaaaa (10/17/2015) [-]

that's how most people get their news.. they read the headline and the small bit then head straight to the comments.

#73 - skeletorexplains ONLINE (10/17/2015) [-]

I don't read unless i'm on a Plane.

My brain likes a bit more interaction with what i'm doing.

#68 - vbss (10/17/2015) [-]

sad sad times. when video games make people not read

#59 - vegasstoner (10/17/2015) [-]

the lady who suggested that you take a poll outside of a public library about whether people read obviously doesnt understand the concept of representative samples....lets ask people leaving the crowd of the democratic presidential debate what political party they belong to in order to see what percent of americans are democrat vs repbulican while were at it.

#57 - blahblahblahblaaaa ONLINE (10/17/2015) [-]

anecdotal evidence best evidence

#41 - jagerhaus (10/17/2015) [-]

Love NPR. Get it out of Santa Barbara on my way to work and uni.

#40 - internetnick (10/17/2015) [-]

I get that it's a joke, but when these guys think of reading, they're probably not thinking articles on the internet.

Granted, I wouldn't get offended anyway, because you and your friends =\= most people. Getting offended at that is literally so you can say "I read."

#37 - marcosgalaz ONLINE (10/17/2015) [-]

**marcosgalaz used "*roll picture*"**
**marcosgalaz rolled image**God the people that commented on others stuff and felt superior are worse then the people who didn't. pretentious pricks

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[ 98 comments ]