I heart greentexts. This is probably one of the greatest greentext stories of all time, I don't know why they haven't just make this into a movie already. I do
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I heart greentexts

This is probably one of the greatest greentext stories of all time, I don't know why they haven't just make this into a movie already. I do not own this story, and I give credit to whoever posted this first, sorry since I don't know who originally posted this first, but I promise I love you. I hope I come up with an idea for OC soon, so Admin won't get mad at me. Speaking of Admin, how amazing is he? He's buff, strong, and amazingly handsome, I hope one day he realizes how great he really is, and one day, he will lead Funnyjunk into an amazing era, the prosperous times. He will become a huge hero, banning all evil anons, obliterating Phanact with his muscular arms. Admin, please find a way to keep this site up, I promise I will try to make OC to boost this sites reputation.

True anon stones
Greenjester
Me IT
At ' s house, praying video games and hanging out
Haven) stint really bad
its taco hen *****
The kind that are really greasy and takes forever to wipe
Like. on min and readig streaks the where way through
Say HRH and hit the bathroom
Start releasing the a fraction eta sec heme my ass the tantra! seat
Sweet Pele?
Reach temp saw ten was all used up
Look around he TR Anywhere
Stranded on the DUNS house without a songle square
Too awkward to yell not hero
Look around not automotive wipe ammo
stangs
Hrs dad' s new car mag
And his mum": mitts
Anonymous on 02/ 10/ 13( Stm) 15 00. 31 No 457541705 reacts. » »dsr, =& tta s& »‘
Faced with an ultimatum
e Dads huge, roves cats and prone to aggressiveness
Mom' s a sweet lady, very small and . would he heavy had in did that to her
Dad could Mck my ass
Arse deem give a damn about reagan
r hp a new pages hem the middie ofthe um testament
dent read that ****
Paper is thin. getting rots on peppercats in my ass crack
10 pages rater. rm dean
Pullot up pants when a wand were he
Dont even have tithe to lush latte!
Poo lasagna mode engaged
Arte: no round, r sat not another 20 min Just to make sure everything was out
By new my Mend is outside the deer asking , rm OK
Just say tn be out in a new Just passing some used buritos
Clean misete up not the an and war time
By new Mmet no on the am testament was gone
has more in t then his dumbing can tundra
After rrd round, r sat not another 20 min Just to make sure everything was out
By now my Mend is outside the door asking in the OK
Just say tn he out in a new. Just passing some used
mean myself up not the an and hhaa time
an now, about 1/ 4 on the old testament was gone
Tenet has more in it than his can handle
Have to acutest, he' s outside the deer
Thad . hut there' s too much paper
THIS time t make sure there' s some soap by the sink
Hands cart he washed
Ron up stems and reach into latte! to start the solid mass
as rm on my knees the Purina Romney Draw
r naugty the full mutt on turret paper that was swung on the [Met hacking the where time
gush turret with elbow, starts over
homepages on old testament smeared with **** scattering across the NOD!
hp the lid onthe tower desperately trying to unstack the cheapass plumbing
tank empties and something r dd ****** rt up
Tenet starts majong really thud surgry chainsaw sound
Fiend starts pounding on deer yelling. what am i doing
meme span DMD seconds, the sound gets landed and deeper
turns into a grining sound weaning down, then stops
where time in shack with my hands on my forehead
mend tucks down door.
Stops hue sentence, Shining at the
rm we eyed. smeared wrth **** on my race and hands
there' s some on my Jeans
hearty brown (titted water and soggy pages on old testament cashing the
moms more stang forgotten on new soaked wrth **** water
By new r hear hrs parent' s footsteps down the hart
Friend is standing there among. deem knew what to do
Hus moth comes in, shocked, starts tearing up and whimpering a on
the that more a month more she died on cancer"
Hts dad comes in a new seconds rater
Shocked, but sees the more pages and starts laughing
Starts away, SUN raughing
He screams at the end onthe hall way
Anon, you are ****** "
Friends more starts wading and crying
why dd you do that, anew
Ovenbird over, hysterical
r start WWTD too, but r took the a pissed on baboon when r cry
she thinks he sheehan at her and walks away crying harder
r hear hrs dad cracking a beer in the Butcher!
ml tum to mend and say "took, r can-"
Punched the in the face, cheekbone stinging
Torahs the bythe heed Mmy} acked and fumes the out on hrs house
see hrs them and up a phone as we pass
out on street at mire hem my house. no hoe, covered in **** and paper
r start wacking hack to my house
30 min later, a tardy stops and asks it need a ride, r get in
Lady starts mung
set selfconcious about the **** on the
she' s making smart talk
A minute tater she smarts the **** Stank and reeks at me
she puns over to the side hard, my head hits the window
she starts screaming at me in Chinese, not the to get out
Dsah, she was asian. but she had pedal new enigma accent, surprised the **** out on the
set out on car
Later, a rat guy in a pickup truck asked where r was garg
Wand to let he hop in the cargo bed
set ride home
Sneak past parents and take shower
Try to cart trend over and we to explain myself. no answer
out try, thy Mend answered and screamed at mete stop, then hung up
not next week, r notice heightens and classmates looking at me a lat
start hearing "mom hater , satan bay' and "Ass " behind my hack
Nicknames spread through school We wild hie
Younger kids Ne never tamed to and barely ever rocked at coming up to me and saying them to my face
one on my closest female theads who is christian got distant and eventuated stopped talking with the
Story gets to the teachers, a new days tater r get called into principal' s once
Superabundant is there
me thefts expecting the not "gloss ridicule on religous herons"
Moth and dad aad out
Moth starts new weird around the
More tense, looks at the a tot
Feels the she mks she deem knew the
Dad thinks rm Just bang deviant and r need strict structure and reform
2 hours rater he' s on the phone with and army recruiter, the not boot camp
Fast toward to bootcamp
we ohm at hast
First couple days were sure out a new days in, my body starts going with l
one day. t get a package hem some anode at my Md smear
t was a stack on pictures on the, photoshopped to reek We r was my ass with a more
on the hack on each tenure there' s a nickname
my curious guy comes over and takes them hem the
A new minutes rater where barracks is Shimmy the pictures and laughing their asses on
e A couple even aorund out smart and asked not the story
Later. r notice one onthe other guys at he a rot
r Md out he comes hem an may and he hates me not what r do
He bumps into the rater and r try to make smart talk
When he one an was hetero the that we were error tn combat, he would shoot the and say it was was
start noticing the dall singing me out
one day we start training with rive ammo
Day on training wrth the ammo, go to bathroom in the mummy
Eatery notice everyone is waterway the
on toilet, mettle that MI the papers been rammed, and there' s in the teem except not a more
Start , get laughter tn response
everyone goes . leaves the there
**** he M?
r start ripping pages hem that motherducker and ftping the he
Papercuts make my anus Need
Brood starts dripping everywhere, cant put on without staining rt
Rip out a stack on pages and tort them up. on it in my crack llke a hotdog tn a huh
Rapped out some more pages and fashioned unset a makeshift king James drape
Wear rt under
Amory , but rm gong to be rate not
Hope we' re shooting again
Turns out to be marching in more weapons training
minutes in the GNU sergeant hotties the sound
Dun sergeant makes us stop and asks who rs (eating the paper
guys start looking at me
sergeant makes me Jog in one
Loud
Asks what the hell that sound is
Throat closes, cant answer
orders mete drop my pants
king James Draper exposed to the world
He swears low and tens the to run 200 tape around the hoot camp
No choice, do l
Hanan hour later, rm running through the tees more wooded side onthe camp
None other than mt Jesus Avenger, who sate he would WI) the could get away with t, pops out from behind a bush
He' s got a battle attack daniels in one hand and a handgun in another
Smacks the in the has with the bottle and shoots men meteor
Route battle other my race and in my mouth white r was screaming
Runs away
Dall Sergeant comes looking not the
gets logged and
Turns out Jesus hey red them a bullsht story
Sad Ne been harassing him about his
and mucking him try hrs more
r get discharged not dericious _ daning, and fecklessness
Found out rater he only got doormat wampug abort going AWOL in the anay
More with parents
e Dads disapointed in me and moth went talk to me
Start putting out Jab applications
My name and story hare spread. and he around town wanted anything to do that the
A month rater. dad thinks rm a bum and haven' t been not a jab
rocks the out
Homeless, r start
e This was probably the worst point in my , out t gets better hem here
Become a vagrant not 2 years
Dehumanizing and disgusting at Wrst
Got need here homeless programs during the day
Went dune! and started gong town to town on toot
Eventually, through garbage when r got hungry at night
Risk unmet. r met and became needs with 2 other diners
News names were Duh and Shaky
He' s called Shaky because he drank so much rt tucked his meter functions
Boos died on heroin overdose T months before
Met them under a hedge on the outside on town
we meted together and kept each other company
Wake up in the more who night once to a wand sound
saw they were sucking each others dicks
Go back to steep
A month rater. they med to kin the
mo. Shaky and r were walking through a town one day
see am 00 ten
were an thinking "boozy"
r want Ant Beam. but shaky’: an aromatic
Wants as much cheap 6 00 vodka as 50 can get
**** you, r found l
Butt comes at me with a nah par d scissors
out on nowhere
He stabs the Mme tn the reg, grabs the money
Dirty ass pars run away
Never see them again
3 days tater get a never hem threaten
on somebody’: stoop not a few hours
we horn the wounds through my tom drty Jeans
A cop pulls up and tetra the to keep walkng
Thy to stand up. reg hurts too much
cop comes we and yanks the to my neat
Yells "get ?"
Throws the forward. two my reg tn path
Wounds are open and bleeding again
cop Matty sees my condition
He takes the to the homeless shatter the next town over
Doesnt say a word to the the whore way
At shelter. a cute redhead comes tn with a that ad kit and a hex
she seemed upbeat and sorry about my wounds
First time berm; treated lee a human by a mare tn a tong one
Sprout when tn pants
she sees. vague took Washes brethen race
r feet had and aporogize
She laughs and treats my wounds
Gives the alum antibody
Torts the rt wont get the high and is only worth a couple bucks
So much not Derry treated the human
My a couple days the wounds start to hear
the hoot, and r get back to
Fast reward a new months and its winter
Wandering through a new, more urban town. it' s 1 00 AM
Roads are empty
Found a winter jacket Just my sue in a bin
waking along, r see a raw on a corner
t know she' s a hooker. out she' s barely wearing anything
timing out. she s shaveing
r go untolerant sayan
she asks fl got cash - no
Tens me to hoctor, sounds tired
otter . she reeks at the strange not a new seconds
Says she can' t cover up on the job
Thanks the anyways and same:
she' s not an that skanky looking
A Mme worn, but there was sort a spark
r stayed and made smart talk with her
keep hen mind on the cold
e Around 3 AM a any Pontiac pulls up
a Heavy set latin guy at the wheel, screams not Denise
a Her name was Dense
a Gives the the thousand yard state and asks in rm 3 customer
a r say he, hated: the to **** on
e As roark away, he starts smacking her and asking who r was
Throws her in the cat
Wonder about her an day
steep tn vacant ally
next night, r came back to that comer and she was there
a She had a black eye, and was counting bills on the sly
Cannons at hast, she says Sam mt cut us both up in he sees the again
a r tell her rm passing through
a sit behind a hex in the alley behind her out on sight
we talk night, between customers
a Almost 3, she tens the to get test heme Sam comes around
a r take on
t goes on We the not Drums! a month
we norm a bond, we' re friends
dither and the hooker
a She jokes that there should he a kids show based on us
a one day Sam came term up tn his pontiac a new hours early
Sam pruned me against the wall and pointed at the
Asked calmly who r was
I' m anon, Just a deiner
Ty to tell him rm only fiends ohm Denise
He' s got 2 guys wnh him. they search the not swindled money
There ts hon
He coures rm not hoe pooh. rm too Nthe
Drops me, kicks the. and tens the to tuck on
Says he tsking the product
Says hen shoot me the sees me there again
r dropped in on Denise the next night not only 20 seconds
r sad good bye and wanted away
t never saw her again
Aweek rater rm on the edge on the urban side eating a can on tuna
r see same peritian mung towards the
r duck mm on alley. and he stops the cat
t hear secret more hehaha me.
catch up and tackle me
r tort ever. same staring at the, breathing tear heavy
He pulls out a gun and sits on a crate
Lights a cigarette, and catches hrs heath
Eyes rocked where we
marry he says something
Decrese is the Dirty reason rm not you today"
out she made up hunch dim to not get the rotted
Among those dawns at 'expert scraggier not work
him r was around all the urns. in that sneaky
My mind ***** riser? a we bit when he asks me fl want to make 2 grand
Hell yes
Ewes me a buhbye wrap and told the to take t to the other side Miami
Ddnt trust hrs guys to not get shot
me he' d ten the on the spat hr refused
Naturally, r accepted
Tend the indent go through with rt he' d kin Denise
Held hint i would do t
ewes napkin wrth an address and moron Beans" written on t
r STFO
when r get to the address there' s 2 chime guys sthap in a hearts
r go up to the
one sees the, puns hucaguh
i stop and pull the out entity coat
nits down
r hand huh the package and want away
A new blocks down, r and thee out
Tum around. the beat: is rushing at the
Passenger wrth gun pointed out the window
r i hit the ground as they drive past, then tuck down a side road
Arm a while tthank t test them
Walking over hedge one met. gonna hide out until t know them gone
Hardway across the tome the hearts reappears
r try to run, but get a bullet tn the reg
Car stops. ruslan guy gets out
i Nobody an around
i Ricks me up by collar, but t rips
r Grabs the by the neck and shoots the Mme tn the stomach
downstream. into the ,anyong the urbanized town
Trying desperately to stay
r got teeny tired and weak, rest nearing tn my arms and legs bumping against we
r saw was onshore ahead
Wake up
rm covered tn a brown News blanket next to a roaring no
r stand up My worn clothes are hanging item a suck,
There' s a pair on damp moccasins by the Cris,
r took around tn a daze r heat the War rushing a new yards away
There' s a ******* teepee etched under an oak use
And a WHEN standing outside unit, smoking pot
r thy to get up. he tens the to ray and get warm or in the
r lay back down and nan asleep
A new seconds rater, he' s shaking he awake
Teri: metre dangerous to go to steep that cord
Tums out the , this balding middle aged guy with pet and glasses, is named Hector
Hector tells the he' s a Journey on new to Ananda
He' s inn Navajo and wants to meet his relatives tn a reserve
Asks fl want to Join him
Say yes, he pot
we spent the next 5 months walking to Ahaaha
At hast, Hook him not a guy tn a mime crisis. but as we meted. we handed
Taught me how to hunt and hen, and keep arrise# clean in the wordiness
How to mart my own chines and suppress hem the not on the land
once we gut to the desert regions he taught he now to likey a navaho
He cementum a u s backgound but he' s derpidety done hrs research
one day. we found a peyote plant
He was really happy, and asked int wanted the awakening hem hrs people
Bastard got an mystic on me and told the r would find my spot guide
tn the moment ragga
Being high on peyote was the most smear thog We ever experience
strange. soothing sounds all around
we and space keep themselves
r see a tempts made out of eyes
A fax tapped the on the shoulder then ran inside
Narrowed
There' s a human gourry made out standing next to the
we walk the same and moved the same
tn the tempts there was a ton whom! paper
My mind went into this weird, h@ rly perceptive loop
weird moment on cram tn the insanity farming all around the
r (Battle in this moment the strange nature onthe
A spiral of events. spurred by a sings missed tort moire paper
This is necking insane
rm doing peyote in the desert with a native americah because om:
What the hen happened
The rest onthe high was an ocean on blurred images and corms
Forgot my peroration until much rater
The next day, we teach the reserve
When we walked into the reserve. we got funny reeks
Herniate outsider wrth a sew white guy
Apprehension news to we once we introduced outselves to a gem on Edens outside a (tartar
t' s sunset, there' s amour breeze mowing
There' s a smattering on Hogans and decorated trainers throughout the reserve
They to us stay. twe told our stories
Hector told his; he was a technician in a medium town not hrs roots
r told my story. and they krupps
we stayed the night
Then the next nght
toughts turn to weeks, to months
t' s weird being accepted other an this
When we hast amped and got the turn we on the reserve, r dent think rt was what Hector was expecting
He was tomato to nature and mysticism The reserve has modernized a
was Navajo artwork, need, and stones, but we had cable TV. mantel, and
He was a on disappointed. out recoloured
me 'fyou' re gong to chase your dreams. you have to he ready not '
people are nice
Let us stay
Eventually get a Jon tn a nearby town, call center
Started taking commuinty college classes orriha not T
studying
Get a jolt with a tech . on salary 26, 000 a year starting
my stay at the reserve and subsequent success, r caught the interest thir name gin my age
Her name' s Manse
save money decide ts time to have
r donate a new thousand to the reserve as a thank you
Get mohne ticket back to my hometown. where Maressa and r had an apartment and jobs rahed up
Lankeh nomad to seem my parents
Planning surpise visit
took out window. watching the country by heron no
meat sky
Remember back on new r walked across the rand
Nat mad about anything
Happy and amazed at new things turned out
into apartment and Jon
he clean cut and wearing a suit
Ga back to my parents and house
Mom answers the door. reeks at the not a new seconds
Farms
When she came to, she started cu/ trig and hugging and kissing me
My dad couldnt even better/ e r was teeny there
Dad sheds tears A hast tithe in my tine the ever seen him do that
A apologies and excuses
Sad that anew days alter he kicked he out he had a change on heart
Couldnt Md the
2 years rater. thought r was dead
one onthe happiest on my the
Had another moment on happiness 3 weeks rater at work
Three weeks rater. nth at work, weaking on a queue owe repairs
Notice the name attached to one machine tamed "Bad RAM"
The trainers on my _ the one who' s housetops started tn
r RAM, and hoot t up
Proxy string a bunch on CR. beast and other nasty depravities onto his HOD
the fatten. power down, repackage
Later. r do some research and hnd he' s new thyristor on a local church
at entire
Pancea phone call to the authorities. informing them enema r found
Next day, his mug shot is in the paper
Find out he' s going to instan. excommunicated hem church, and his wrt and kids are teaming him
rods going to child psychologist to see in he touched them
His tine one to ****
He out who do it to him, witness protectron
seious nature onthe circle. bitch
END
...
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Views: 11596
Favorited: 72
Submitted: 03/14/2014
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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#5 - hammerpantschuck (03/14/2014) [-]
that took me on an adventure with despair, love, and happy endings
-23
#1 - Orc has deleted their comment [+] (1 reply)
#7 to #1 - meatygoodness (03/14/2014) [-]
Your loss
#6 - thekeeperofthumbs ONLINE (03/14/2014) [-]
#12 - kibbleking (03/15/2014) [-]
**kibbleking rolled a random image posted in comment #2 at doesn't matter, had sex **   
10/10 would read again.
**kibbleking rolled a random image posted in comment #2 at doesn't matter, had sex **
10/10 would read again.
User avatar #8 - roflswag **User deleted account** (03/14/2014) [-]
I missed an interview reading this. Godspeed on this bastard.
#3 - neilpatrickharriss (03/14/2014) [-]
I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE THIS AGAIN
User avatar #2 - demd (03/14/2014) [-]
King James diaper is one of the greatest greentexts of all time
#14 - teegoogilycoffeeme (03/16/2014) [-]
All of that greentext...
User avatar #11 - banjodance (03/15/2014) [-]
it was beautiful
#9 - itsaggron (03/14/2014) [-]
That was one of the best 						*******					 reads I ever had.
That was one of the best ******* reads I ever had.
User avatar #4 - profanityman (03/14/2014) [-]
Worth the read
#13 - latinotornado (03/15/2014) [+] (1 reply)
In all honesty, the writer of the story is at fault. NOW HOLD ON, i'm NOT saying he deserved all of that **** that happened because he didn't. However, his friend didn't really do anything. He walks in on his friend covered in **** , a torn up bible, and an overflooded toilet. how do you expect a teenager to act? what was really dumb, is when the author is in the ******* bootcamp and decides to whipe his ass with the bible AGAIN. Are you serious? ***** you coulda just NOT wiped your ass it's not a big deal. You'll be itchy till the showers but oh my **** you would rather cut up your asshole and risk other **** to happen all over again!? And another thing, This asshole author ruins the old friends life over **** that had nothing to do with him. His life didn't all go to **** when his friend told the rumor, his life went to **** when he got kicked out of the bootcamp because of his own dumbass actions. Also, this story is fake af. i'm ready for your rage. (I still thought it was good as a fictional story though)
#15 to #13 - xxxsonic fanxxx (03/24/2014) [-]
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
#10 - shruika ONLINE (03/15/2014) [-]
This, was the best greentext i've ever read
User avatar #16 - WhitePimp (03/28/2014) [-]
this could legitimately be a ******* amazing movie id pay 100$ to watch
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