I can relate to this. 14. .. That's how i felt about 5 seconds ago
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[ 161 comments ]
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#78 - azsdcfbhnj (06/18/2014) [+] (11 replies)
stickied by xxangelisxx
>Be me
>22 years old and 320 pounds.
>Fapping to pony's as usual
>Mom walks in
>Not so bad because she knows i fap and can usually hear it, she turns on a fan to drown out the sound when i start
>Finish
>Mom reminds me to wash my hands
>Go to the bathroom
>Come out to see her looking at my Twilight Sparkle scat porn.
>Feel so embarrassed that only my Waifu can save me
>Shove hand into anus with the dexterity of an Olympic gymnast and rip out my Twilight Sparkle Plush
>"SAVE ME MY LOVE"
>Nothing happens
>Run past my mom and climb into my tree fort and cry for the rest of the night.
#3 - enteroreninenine (06/18/2014) [-]
That's how i felt about 5 seconds ago
That's how i felt about 5 seconds ago
#68 to #3 - zebanktoon ONLINE (06/18/2014) [-]
Pootang is a strong thing, my friend.
Pootang is a strong thing, my friend.
0
#117 to #3 - jockothecrock has deleted their comment [-]
#95 to #3 - jacksipian (06/18/2014) [-]
I used to do similar stuff with my girlfriend after she moved, and i still cringe at the thought of it, i can't imagine how you feel since you weren't even going out.
User avatar #119 to #3 - jockothecrock (06/18/2014) [-]
*jockothecrock looks worried*

what's wrong?
User avatar #127 to #119 - jacksipian (06/18/2014) [-]
**jacksipian looks worried**
i think this is how you do it.
User avatar #132 to #127 - jockothecrock (06/18/2014) [-]
teach me, oh blue one
User avatar #151 to #132 - jacksipian (06/18/2014) [-]
**jacksipian does not condone the deleting of comments on the learning path to bluetext**
asterisk me whatever you want to say then asterisk
User avatar #152 to #151 - jockothecrock (06/18/2014) [-]
* me collects his ki and tries to perform bluetext *
User avatar #154 to #152 - jacksipian (06/18/2014) [-]
**jacksipian is impressed by the attempt**

no spaces, it's just like you're rolling.
User avatar #156 to #154 - jockothecrock (06/18/2014) [-]
**jockothecrock bows to jacksipian** thank you, sensei
User avatar #158 to #156 - jacksipian (06/18/2014) [-]
**jacksipian returns the bow**

you are welcome, young padawan, now go out and use it for the right reasons! keep the cyber sex to a minimum.
User avatar #159 to #158 - jockothecrock (06/18/2014) [-]
**jockothecrock walks into the sunset, carrying the lessons of the bluetext taught by his sensei with him, into the realm of funnyjunk for truth, honor, and top lel**
User avatar #155 to #154 - jockothecrock (06/18/2014) [-]
**jockothecrock tries again to create bluetext**
User avatar #157 to #155 - jacksipian (06/18/2014) [-]
**jacksipian applauds at your success**

good job.
User avatar #149 to #132 - jacksipian (06/18/2014) [-]
**jacksipian has decided to teach you the ways of bluetext.**
0
#150 to #149 - jockothecrock has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #135 to #132 - jacksipian (06/18/2014) [-]
**jacksipian debates teaching jockothecrock the secrets of bluetext**

maybe.
User avatar #148 to #135 - manbearpiglet (06/18/2014) [-]
**manbearpiglet thinks he finally understands bluetext**
#69 to #3 - anon (06/18/2014) [-]
how is it going with peacegirl?
#54 to #3 - hasinvadedyou (06/18/2014) [-]
its been 9 months since that was posted you've probably done some since then it hasnt really been long enough to reflect back on how stupid that was until a few years from now. I used to do that 			****		 all the time 10 years ago when i was 17 while i played MMORPG  i met some kinky ass bitches doing that who wanted to do cams shows an 			****		 (way before omegle and chat roulette etc) some had husbands, and some of those husbands watched as she got off with a stranger. Some sent personalized pics, phone calls etc. I confirmed they were all womens either by cam or phone before we did anything. I ended up meeting my ex whom i dated for 4 years, via chat 			****		 like that. Anyways it isnt as big of a deal as you think it is 99% of people will forget it by next week if not sooner. Everyone does dumb things, most just arent willing to admit it.
its been 9 months since that was posted you've probably done some since then it hasnt really been long enough to reflect back on how stupid that was until a few years from now. I used to do that **** all the time 10 years ago when i was 17 while i played MMORPG i met some kinky ass bitches doing that who wanted to do cams shows an **** (way before omegle and chat roulette etc) some had husbands, and some of those husbands watched as she got off with a stranger. Some sent personalized pics, phone calls etc. I confirmed they were all womens either by cam or phone before we did anything. I ended up meeting my ex whom i dated for 4 years, via chat **** like that. Anyways it isnt as big of a deal as you think it is 99% of people will forget it by next week if not sooner. Everyone does dumb things, most just arent willing to admit it.
User avatar #89 to #54 - jacksipian (06/18/2014) [-]
what did he do?
User avatar #84 to #54 - jukuku (06/18/2014) [-]
What did he do?
User avatar #93 to #91 - jukuku (06/18/2014) [-]
lol

Not that bad but it's hilarious.
User avatar #49 to #3 - awesomanium (06/18/2014) [-]
**awesomanium unhooks enter's bra**
#74 to #3 - shakalakaboomboom (06/18/2014) [-]
Oh no you don't, you can't hide from us
Oh no you don't, you can't hide from us
#38 - elmilius (06/18/2014) [-]
I had one of those recently. Me and my cousin used to do sketches and 			****		 on film.One night we decided to do something that included more violence than others. I think it had something to do with Resident Evil, because we had just finished playing RE4. Pretty lame stuff when I look back really. That's not the point anyways. One of the scenes was him tackling him and pinning me on the ground and stabbing me. To make it more realistic, we took a real knife and I put on one of those chest protectors you use for martial arts. I tries cutting through it once and it wasn't easy. So I told him "this needs to look realistic so don't hold back, do it as if you really wanted to stab me, it won't go through" of course out of fear he held back.   
Years later found that chest piece and the knife we used for scene in the deep ends of my closet. Out of curiosity I tried to stab it.   
They knife went through it like 			*******		 butter. He actually could have stabbed me. Thank 			****		 he held back. And holy 			****		 am I a retard.
I had one of those recently. Me and my cousin used to do sketches and **** on film.One night we decided to do something that included more violence than others. I think it had something to do with Resident Evil, because we had just finished playing RE4. Pretty lame stuff when I look back really. That's not the point anyways. One of the scenes was him tackling him and pinning me on the ground and stabbing me. To make it more realistic, we took a real knife and I put on one of those chest protectors you use for martial arts. I tries cutting through it once and it wasn't easy. So I told him "this needs to look realistic so don't hold back, do it as if you really wanted to stab me, it won't go through" of course out of fear he held back.
Years later found that chest piece and the knife we used for scene in the deep ends of my closet. Out of curiosity I tried to stab it.
They knife went through it like ******* butter. He actually could have stabbed me. Thank **** he held back. And holy **** am I a retard.
#141 to #38 - anon (06/18/2014) [-]
my brother took out a .22 rifle that my dad uses and he pointed it at me and i thought the mag was out and was on safety and he pointed it at me and almost shot it as a joke... but i checked the gun later and the mag was in it and it was on fire
#142 to #141 - anon (06/18/2014) [-]
by "on fire" i mean off safety
User avatar #71 to #38 - hellomynameisbill ONLINE (06/18/2014) [-]
just remember the difference between martial arts and armed assault
#8 - anon (06/18/2014) [-]
The following is a conversation I had with a girl I was kind of friends with in 9th grade and her friends. G = Girl. F= Her Friends.
G: "When I get home i'm gonna pet my cat." *Everyone Erupts with Laughter*
ME: "Why is that funny?" G: "When I get home i'm going to PET my CAT."
ME: "Yes, I heard you the first time." F: "Listen Closely..when she gets home she's going to PET her CAT. ME: "I can see you guys like repeating yourselves."
G: "When I get home i'm gonna pet my cat...whats another word for a cat?"
ME: "OOOOOOOOOOOH"
Over hearing our teacher asks "what are you guys talking about."
ME: "WHEN KATIE GETS HOME SHE'S GOING TO PET HER PUSSY CAT"
I never talked to them again and I still cringe at this thought.
User avatar #92 to #8 - fuckallthelobsters (06/18/2014) [-]
do not feel bad, brother. we all did cringeworthy **** in 9th grade.
#111 to #8 - timelimit (06/18/2014) [-]
Their joke really wasn't funny at all, though.
User avatar #21 to #8 - tsoper (06/18/2014) [-]
thats not cringe, thats alpha as ****
#64 - tragickingdom (06/18/2014) [-]
Storytime

I got a cellphone when i was 9 only because my parents were gonna start working a lot and i would be traveling to school by myself. It was a cheap LG. Anyway I thought I was cool by downloading those recorded voicemail messages so I did. I also thought that the voicemail would dissapear when i got a new phone. I was wrong. But I didn't know i was wrong. I'm 19 now and for 10 years nobody has mentioned to me that my voicemail needs to be changed. A little while ago I applied for a job. Nothing special. just a local job.


MFW the boss calls me, I miss the call, and he hears "Hey Garfield Here, start talking when you hear the beep. If you sound interesting, someone might pick up the phone. But I wouldn't count on it."
User avatar #116 to #64 - namnori (06/18/2014) [-]
Same thing happened to me except I had the famous phone call speech from Taken as my voicemail.
#98 - ohlookathing (06/18/2014) [-]
>Be me a couple of years ago
>Come home from college on break
>Nothing to do
>No one at home
>Go into my room on 3rd floor of townhouse
>Open up windows
>Go on bed
>Unzip pants
>Do things
>Finish
>Clean up
>Leave house to go places
>Realize something
>It’s townhouse repainting day
>Look up
>See painters on ladders
>Right outside of my window
User avatar #120 to #98 - namnori (06/18/2014) [-]
>on holiday with grandparents
>about to go out for a meal
>watching tv and there's a really hot milf on there wearing revealing clothes
>get in the mood
>go to room
>do the do
>clean up, look around
>grandpa is standing outside the window on the phone just pacing around as you do
>there was a huge gap in the curtains and I'm 95% sure he would have glanced in
#101 - putindispencerhere (06/18/2014) [-]
>Be me, age 20
>Go to small party with a few friends
>The day before, I had seen my dog chewing my handgun (I'm idiot, I know, but it was at least the safety was on)
>Took a picture to use as an icebreaker at the party
>Go to party
>After a while with introductions, I try to tell them how my dog was chewing my gun and it looked like he was trying to cock it
>My words get jumbled and I say, "I cocked my dog"
>All eyes on me
>Want to walk out and kill myself
>mfw
#133 to #101 - becauseoprahsaidso (06/18/2014) [-]
You could've just laughed it off you dumbass
#46 - DJMartin (06/18/2014) [-]
I too, can relate.
I too, can relate.
#52 to #46 - vapaus (06/18/2014) [-]
>Overgrowth .gif shown.   
>Inner thigh wigglates with desire to play more.   
>My indick gamer organs swell with pride.   
>Indie-PC master race.   
   
That game is going to be a 			*******		. I rate it BCG out of Neckbeard.
>Overgrowth .gif shown.
>Inner thigh wigglates with desire to play more.
>My indick gamer organs swell with pride.
>Indie-PC master race.

That game is going to be a ******* . I rate it BCG out of Neckbeard.
User avatar #58 to #46 - aldothenazi (06/18/2014) [-]
I thought that was jar jar binks at first.
User avatar #96 - tombobbusama (06/18/2014) [-]
"Hey dude, remember that time you wanted to know what your **** looked like so you shat in a toy frying pan to look at it but it got stuck and you had to spent twenty minutes washing it out of the sink and your mum called and asked why you and your best friend had been in there so long?"

Wow thanks brain...
User avatar #97 to #96 - tombobbusama (06/18/2014) [-]
This was when I was like 5 btw

Actually it was 5 minutes ago but dont tell anyone
#102 to #96 - pineapplepeople (06/18/2014) [-]
Just look in the ******* toilet, jesus christ all of my why?
#122 to #102 - crazycommando (06/18/2014) [-]
besides the story, that ******* pic is hilarious....
User avatar #103 to #102 - tombobbusama (06/18/2014) [-]
see comment #97
#104 to #103 - pineapplepeople (06/18/2014) [-]
I get that, but jesus, 5 minutes isn't that long ago. I coach 5 year olds though, I can honestly see one of those faggots doing this too.
#43 - envinite ONLINE (06/18/2014) [-]
*incoming self-cringe*   
"Okay, don't think about it, don't think about it"   
*Take a deep breath, close eyes*   
   
Tfw the cringe drops
*incoming self-cringe*
"Okay, don't think about it, don't think about it"
*Take a deep breath, close eyes*

Tfw the cringe drops
#61 - saltyfries (06/18/2014) [-]
THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME MORE OFTEN THAN IT SHOULD!   I seriously get these damn thoughts like every hour, no reason, every hour my brain says,"hey remember that thing you did in 8th grade?" NO 			****		 YOU BRAIN I DON"T WANNA REMEMBER THAT 			****		!
THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME MORE OFTEN THAN IT SHOULD! I seriously get these damn thoughts like every hour, no reason, every hour my brain says,"hey remember that thing you did in 8th grade?" NO **** YOU BRAIN I DON"T WANNA REMEMBER THAT **** !
#63 to #61 - kaboomz (06/18/2014) [-]
same here
i just try to think about tits and hope people dont remember
User avatar #115 to #61 - seras (06/18/2014) [-]
Depression, maybe? Happened to me all the time when I had them.
#131 - minntas (06/18/2014) [-]
I took a **** and smeared it on my school in 7th grade cuz I thought I was being radical, someone saw and everyone in school made fun of me and my gf left me
#75 - kuupuuchan (06/18/2014) [-]
Sometimes it happens right before you go to sleep too   
 I just try to suppress it with other, happier memories - Preferably ones where i'm not acting like a 			*******		 asparagus.
Sometimes it happens right before you go to sleep too
I just try to suppress it with other, happier memories - Preferably ones where i'm not acting like a ******* asparagus.
User avatar #53 - trevcars (06/18/2014) [-]
I don't think i've ever related to something as much as I can relate to this. Wow.
#16 - urapooper (06/18/2014) [-]
When I remember something embarrassing I would randomly make a noise until it goes away.
User avatar #32 to #16 - dahlirious (06/18/2014) [-]
i like the way you think
#138 to #16 - heavenshero (06/18/2014) [-]
Are you me?
#4 - fancyrockdude (06/18/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#55 - chasboh (06/18/2014) [-]
I wish there was something I could do to prevent it, but it's impossible.
I have physically harmed myself because of self cringe on multiple occasions.
User avatar #121 to #55 - newestuploads (06/18/2014) [-]
Don't harm yourself over past mistakes. Our mind tends to make us think things were worse than they really were.
#6 - waffies (06/18/2014) [-]
I actually have one of those stories that involves a girls parent saying "Get out of my house"   
   
And now i'm reliving it.    
   
Such shame I shall never know again.
I actually have one of those stories that involves a girls parent saying "Get out of my house"

And now i'm reliving it.

Such shame I shall never know again.
User avatar #9 to #6 - musclezglassez (06/18/2014) [-]
dude please share. for the love of oden please
#11 to #9 - waffies (06/18/2014) [-]
From senior year of high school into my first year of college, i had an on-and-off girlfriend (Femanon, for the sake of storytelling). (I almost typed up a massive exposition explaining our relationship, before i realized that's not the goal here.)   
   
She and I were often intimate without ever going all the way. Learning the ropes as it were, including a few moments of passion that nearly got out of hand, before one of us would realize we weren't ready or so on.   
   
SO ONE DAY when we werent dating or even being intimate, flirtations on skype get out of hand, i mention that nobody was home at my house for a few days, tried to convince her to come over. She dodged around it for a while then says that nobody was at HER house either, just for that night and the next day, and invited me over there instead.   
   
Well my common sense went out the window, and i drove 45 minutes to the next town to see her. Snogging and stripping of clothes proceded, and the vague beginnings of something intimate (many intimate noises were had at the least)... and then.....   
   
"Femanon?.... what are you...."   
*Mom steps in to dark room*   
   
The following bit is a bit hazy. She gasped, covered her mouth, kinda reeled in shock. Femanon and I sprung apart, she covered herself up, i just kinda looked down in shame. And then slowly, OMINOUSLY AS HELL:    
   
*Mom raises hand, points a single finger at the door*   
"Get out of my house"   
   
I leapt for my clothes and things, pulled pants on, made some attempt at placing the blame on myself (I knew Femanon was in more trouble than I could possibly be, my parents were quite chill after i told them) and went out the front door before bothering with shoes or shirt or such. Heard some yelling on the way out, got a text from Femanon saying "i'm so sorry", and i made some reply or another, and was back to my car before i realized i had left my glasses inside. Drove 45 minutes in the dark hardly seeing 			****		, warned parents: "prepare for angry calls from Femanon's parents"
From senior year of high school into my first year of college, i had an on-and-off girlfriend (Femanon, for the sake of storytelling). (I almost typed up a massive exposition explaining our relationship, before i realized that's not the goal here.)

She and I were often intimate without ever going all the way. Learning the ropes as it were, including a few moments of passion that nearly got out of hand, before one of us would realize we weren't ready or so on.

SO ONE DAY when we werent dating or even being intimate, flirtations on skype get out of hand, i mention that nobody was home at my house for a few days, tried to convince her to come over. She dodged around it for a while then says that nobody was at HER house either, just for that night and the next day, and invited me over there instead.

Well my common sense went out the window, and i drove 45 minutes to the next town to see her. Snogging and stripping of clothes proceded, and the vague beginnings of something intimate (many intimate noises were had at the least)... and then.....

"Femanon?.... what are you...."
*Mom steps in to dark room*

The following bit is a bit hazy. She gasped, covered her mouth, kinda reeled in shock. Femanon and I sprung apart, she covered herself up, i just kinda looked down in shame. And then slowly, OMINOUSLY AS HELL:

*Mom raises hand, points a single finger at the door*
"Get out of my house"

I leapt for my clothes and things, pulled pants on, made some attempt at placing the blame on myself (I knew Femanon was in more trouble than I could possibly be, my parents were quite chill after i told them) and went out the front door before bothering with shoes or shirt or such. Heard some yelling on the way out, got a text from Femanon saying "i'm so sorry", and i made some reply or another, and was back to my car before i realized i had left my glasses inside. Drove 45 minutes in the dark hardly seeing **** , warned parents: "prepare for angry calls from Femanon's parents"
User avatar #14 to #11 - musclezglassez (06/18/2014) [-]
well.......that wasn't as bad/embarassing as i thought it'd be but dayum man, that sucks. but why would she say no one's home if they were instead of goin to ur place? that's ****** . thanks for the share tho, i do appreciate it
User avatar #15 to #14 - waffies (06/18/2014) [-]
Well, its still something that made me feel like i was in an American Pie movie. Most of the "bad" posts online, the reall bad ones? are pretty hard to believe
User avatar #18 to #15 - musclezglassez (06/18/2014) [-]
yea that's true but if they were real......hollllyyyyy ****
User avatar #145 to #11 - minorian ONLINE (06/18/2014) [-]
Holy **** , that's the worst cringe story I've heard. I wish that would happen to me.
User avatar #12 to #9 - waffies (06/18/2014) [-]
Telling it like that made it a bit easier, but it occurs to me that she at least used to frequent FJ, so if she comes by and recognizes: Sorry, i was as as "anonymous" as i could be. Will delete comment eventually.
User avatar #20 to #12 - anonymousperson (06/18/2014) [-]
dont
is good read
User avatar #22 to #20 - waffies (06/18/2014) [-]
Its kinda stereotypical honestly... Doesnt it sound like "textbook guy caught with girl in a bad situation" story?
User avatar #23 to #22 - anonymousperson (06/18/2014) [-]
the background you gave and the way you described the story was definitely unique though
User avatar #24 to #23 - waffies (06/18/2014) [-]
there have been more stories since then, but nothing im comfortable sharing
User avatar #26 to #25 - waffies (06/18/2014) [-]
you take care broheim, im gonna go make dinner. Thanks for the thumbs
User avatar #33 to #26 - mrbuu (06/18/2014) [-]
that's it? your big oh no story. was her parent caught you snuggling in your gf ish bed. oh man so sorry for you. how did you survive? did you survive? i told this war vet and he hanged himself form how terrible that story was.

I am sorry for sounding like a dick but if you live another 10 years you will experience shame about tenfold of that. **** i got a shame story that nobody besides those to see it know. and it dwarfs yours by about 100 fold. so dude. (and the people who know it are at 4. and i want to kill the other 3 so nobody ever finds out ever. and one is my dad and other my sister and another my cousin. and i also got caught jerking it by my best friend and that kind of was weird. in my house and he told both my sisters. so yeah. he did crap his pants while driving and stunk up the car and thats his shame story.
User avatar #35 to #33 - waffies (06/18/2014) [-]
Well you're right, you do sound like a dick. My point is that at this time, i cannot imagine experiencing worse. If you're gonna throw **** around to make a point, either one-up me or leave it be. Getting caught masterbating and ******** oneself arent world ending in my books, everyone has their own perception of shame.

"Welcome to the internet may i take your hate? Im afraid all we serve here are loathing and disintrest"
User avatar #36 to #35 - mrbuu (06/18/2014) [-]
you act like its something big and special and then when you get it you are like thats it? like the duke nuke m balls of steel edition all this hype all this collectors edition will kick ass then you get it and its basically nothing. go **** yourself in public and have to use a gas station toliet thats locked to throw away underwear. when about 10 people can see your **** stain. go have your family be told you were jerking it then get back to me. you will feel getting caught spooning was the best thing to have happen.
#137 - lysitsa (06/18/2014) [-]
> Be me
> 7th grade band geek loser
> Discovered Facebook
> Obsessed with popular guy at school who probably didn't even know I existed
> Actively stalked his profile every night and fantasized about him
> Stay over at my only friend's house one night
> "I have an idea."
> She talks me into creating my own private Facebook album of just his pictures so I can easily drool over them
> ok
> Stay up all night, uploaded 100 of his pics, named the album "<33 Derek <33"
> Pass the **** out
> Wake up the next day, comment notification from Derek, my premature ovaries explode
> "Uh, who are you and why do you have all of these pictures of me?"
> I forgot to make the album private
#140 to #137 - anon (06/18/2014) [-]
that's so ******* awkward
User avatar #146 to #137 - fappingniggers (06/18/2014) [-]
You should have told him you were head of his fan club and that you love his television show, Life With Derek
#124 - crazycommando (06/18/2014) [-]
>be me around 5-6, maybe 7 i don'r really remember
>go over to this girls house with my mom
>everything is swell it's a big ass house
>smuchroomforactivites.childgasm
>playing around with girl
>parents out of sight
>we decide to play hide and seek
>my turn to hide
>hide in the ******* closet attached like a sloth to the bar with all the coat hangers
>girl has been searching for me for a while now
>hear her nearby "crazycommando where are you it's not funny anymore"
>mygloriousmomenthascome.badend
>start saying : hah ! you'll never find me i'm a nin-
>bar breaks, i fall on my back like a retard
>she opens the closet door
>everybody walk the dinosaur...

No but seriously i llooked like a ******* retard weezing turtle gaspng for air....MFW
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