Fucking neckbeards. .. MFW I already pressed the right arrow key and had to hold it until I finished reading everything. thatguywithpants 4Chan
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Comments(199):

[ 199 comments ]
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#13 - haansz (10/04/2013) [-]
MFW I already pressed the right arrow key and had to hold it until I finished reading everything.
MFW I already pressed the right arrow key and had to hold it until I finished reading everything.
#47 to #13 - amazingman (10/04/2013) [-]
I know that feeling all to well.
User avatar #84 to #13 - hazardpay ONLINE (10/04/2013) [-]
then how did you comment?
User avatar #19 to #13 - thenewgizmobox (10/04/2013) [-]
couldn't you just right click or go to another page and release it?
or just backspace?
User avatar #100 to #13 - hawaiianhappysauce (10/04/2013) [-]
I know that feel...
User avatar #91 to #13 - SuperSixONE (10/04/2013) [-]
I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE
User avatar #97 to #13 - goobyman ONLINE (10/04/2013) [-]
>open new tab
>let go of right arrow key
>go back to fj
problem solved.
#46 to #13 - boylan (10/04/2013) [-]
Yeah.
-Right click
-Unrest finger from arrow key safely
#29 to #13 - skaife (10/04/2013) [-]
You're a goddamned hero, boy. Don't let anyone take that away from you
#3 - revanmal (10/04/2013) [-]
No matter how bad I feel about myself, these stories always make me feel so much better.

If you want more stories of weirdos, look up Christian Weston Chandler. That guy's even worse.
#99 to #3 - johrny (10/04/2013) [-]
Well... great.. One more Idiot that lets aspherger look bad. just great.

Btw: This guys made me laugh good!
User avatar #171 to #3 - Epicgetguy (10/04/2013) [-]
Chris-Chan has a ******* wiki dedicated to his entire life that STILL gets updated.
User avatar #182 to #171 - revanmal (10/05/2013) [-]
Yeah, but CWC's been quiet for years now.

It's actually getting a little sad when you think about it.

Before, Chris' only friends were his parents, his dog, and in a strange and twisted way, the trolls who loved to torment him. Because if he didn't have the trolls, he'd just be a childish redneck shut-in that drew ****** drawings and played with his toys forever, or until he was forced into homelessness or institutionalized care.

With Clyde Cash and Bluespike and the rest of the trolls, he almost had adventures. His life was full of intrigue, mystery, enemies to face, and he provided entertainment for a lot of people. Not to mention he got more famous from his antics than his ****** Sonichu ever would have. Yeah, he's humiliated himself for all time, and is probably unhirable, but that's nothing he wouldn't eventually have done himself.

Now that he's cut off all contact online and offline, he's exactly what he would have been without the trolling: a bitter, sad, lonely person who has nothing but toys and media to distract him from his slowly collapsing life.
User avatar #184 to #182 - Epicgetguy (10/05/2013) [-]
You have to admit though, he did kinda bring it on himself when he decided to get caught masturbating by his dad
#56 to #3 - dingbox (10/04/2013) [-]
I think it's kind of sad that so few people on funnyjunk knows about Chris Chan, the guy even got he's own wiki.

www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Main_Page
#21 - rollilho (10/04/2013) [-]
am i the only one who feels like he may be talking about himself and made up the whole ex gf / beta brother / no pics thing to feel better about himself ? just an option
User avatar #24 to #21 - randomathon (10/04/2013) [-]
I was thinking the same thing. Either that or he started making them up after the first one.
#25 to #24 - rollilho (10/04/2013) [-]
anything is possible! lol
#187 to #21 - selfdenyingbeggar (10/05/2013) [-]
I didnt understand the story. Is the narrator friends with the fat guy? if so, why?
#207 to #187 - rollilho (10/05/2013) [-]
the beta guy is supposedly the narrator's ex girlfriend's brother
#94 - redryumaru ONLINE (10/04/2013) [-]
I was laughing til he forced a 12 year old to have sex
#104 to #94 - stallwallwriter (10/04/2013) [-]
Agreed, the rest was just pathetic but that's like, morally reprehensible. As in actually illegal.
Agreed, the rest was just pathetic but that's like, morally reprehensible. As in actually illegal.
#114 to #104 - lolfire (10/04/2013) [-]
Yeah I mean, don't force them.
Make them want it.
#121 to #94 - swiggityswoner (10/04/2013) [-]
Right. I'm wondering if he was bragging about it to all these people, why nobody had the thought to call the police on him. >_>
User avatar #156 to #121 - itsthatguyagain (10/04/2013) [-]
He obviously didn't tell anybody her age.
#35 - adu ONLINE (10/04/2013) [-]
If this guy wasn't basically a rapist and a jackass, I would almost feel sorry for him. The narrator sounds like an absolute douche as well with how he treats his girlfriend.

This thing almost hurt to read, but it definitely made me feel a LOT better about my own life. Only an on-commission part-time job, living with parents, but going to college at least, healthy weight, had an AMAZING girlfriend, virgin by choice (yes my choice, chucklenuts), and I'm at least respectful, kind, and can do/buy things for myself. I'm 20 years old by the way, which isn't too bad. I'm also not a bad looking dude.

In fact, probably the most pathetic thing I do regularly is waste hours a day on FJ and occasionally cry because of how much I miss my girlfriend. Aside from that, I at least find time to enjoy myself, and my life has definite progression with the classes I'm taking and the Creative Writing Club I'm starting at my campus.
User avatar #39 to #35 - tenaciousjon (10/04/2013) [-]
See, that's the beauty of life. No matter how good or bad you are, there's always going to be someone better and someone worse than you.

We can take pride in knowing that we aren't the guy in the story.
User avatar #210 to #35 - ChumLeee (10/07/2013) [-]
OP doesn't sound like a douche to me, he doesn't treat his girlfriend bad. They had a fight, people in relationships have fights. Same with him making fun of the neckbeard, he sounds like a piece of **** , so OP is pretty cool by my book.
User avatar #211 to #210 - adu ONLINE (10/07/2013) [-]
Well she told her brother she thought he might hit her, so either he's a douche for making her worried about that (especially since it happened before) or she's a bitch for making it up.
User avatar #65 to #35 - solomon (10/04/2013) [-]
heck, i'm 20, live with elderly parents helping them around. not working, getting in shape for the police academy (6 foot, 316 lbs LOST TEN POUNDS ALREADY AWWW YEA) fiance lives in my house, separate room (christian virgin by choice too) things are going well
#179 to #65 - calawesome (10/05/2013) [-]
good on ya. actually working towards making something of yourself. i salute you.
#38 to #35 - mattdoggy (10/04/2013) [-]
congratulations on not being an oxygen thief    
keep doing what you're doing champ
congratulations on not being an oxygen thief
keep doing what you're doing champ
User avatar #40 to #35 - mrwightproductions (10/04/2013) [-]
I was kind of thinking the narrator sounded douchy too.. glad im not alone in this. How is this man liek this? What can turn a man into this
User avatar #41 to #40 - adu ONLINE (10/04/2013) [-]
The neckbeard or the douchey boyfriend?

For the neckbeard I think it has to do with being spoiled as a child and adolescent, never having to be depended on for something that matters, parents too lenient with disrespect, hanging out with the wrong types of people both IRL and online, and just a general lack of any introspection or respect for others.

As for the douchebag boyfriend, thinking you're better than others, not respecting the happiness of others, and refusing to see the situation from another point of view.
User avatar #153 to #41 - mrwightproductions (10/04/2013) [-]
ment the neckbeard. Even if you're spoiled how do you NOT get embarrassed by yourself for doing such things like what the hell cant you see yourself?
User avatar #176 to #153 - swalshy (10/04/2013) [-]
He's probably literally retarded/handicapped.. But still
User avatar #174 to #153 - adu ONLINE (10/04/2013) [-]
Shame is a product of introspection. Some people just don't stop to think about their lives.
User avatar #68 - tehpoonages (10/04/2013) [-]
this makes me want to go for a run.
User avatar #95 to #68 - iphony (10/04/2013) [-]
I'll join you, and maybe shave a few times.
#80 - arreatface (10/04/2013) [-]
10/10 worth the read.
10/10 worth the read.
#1 - dirtydollar (10/04/2013) [-]
great stories, 10/10 would read again i imagine the neckbeard as the "ackchuallynerd.jpg
User avatar #7 to #1 - tittylovin (10/04/2013) [-]
I imagine him as my profile picture.
#9 to #1 - confuseddinosaur (10/04/2013) [-]
Here, take this.
#151 - legayunicorn (10/04/2013) [-]
How was this man not arrested for having sex with a 12 year old?
This disturbs me, I hope I never cross someone like this.
User avatar #214 to #151 - bipolarprobe (10/12/2013) [-]
Depends on where they are, some states in the US have ****** up laws on consent.
User avatar #165 to #151 - smithforprez (10/04/2013) [-]
why didnt the poster call the ****** cops, easy way to get rid of that sick worthless ****
User avatar #63 - mckinkymcormic (10/04/2013) [-]
i feel so bad for this guy....

no i dont.
#77 - emberstar (10/04/2013) [-]
Congrats! You made it to the comments!
#212 - syswolf (10/07/2013) [-]
>Be me, 5 years old, discover video games.
>Brother, four years older, plays football.
>Brother is absolute dick, sells my games, steals my controllers, ******* steals consoles!
>Has anger problems, similar to guy in post but worse
>Grow an unhealthy resentment towards him. (one of the biggest things I hate about myself)
>Ignore him and continue playing my games.
>Grades slip, only D-'s. Just enough to pass.
>Terrible hygiene, poor diet (mostly chocolate chip cookies), as white as a sheet.
>Brother is going to parties and stumbling home drunk, likes to vomit on my shoes.
>Live in dark room till 15 years old.
>Brother graduates highschool and stops working out
>Begins playing Madden as much as I play video games.
>Slowly loses muscles and gains a barrel gut and double chins
>Brother and I get into an argument over who gets to use PS3.
> ****** gut punched me and threw me out of the room.
>Get angry and go for a walk.
>Start thinking about cursing him out when I got home and begin making a mental list of things I hate about him.
>list begins mimicking me.
>I stop and realize what I am becoming.
>Sick to my stomach I decided to change over the summer.
>Lost weight, gained a slight tan, stopped playing video games (shockingly easier than I thought it would be)
>School starts up and ends, with me ending Junior year with a 3.0GPA, end Senior year with a 3.3GPA
>Brother still plays Madden, never leaves the house, gained a ton of weight, and has a neckbeard
This is a incredibly abridged version. In fact I left out a important person of my life out of it, but as you can tell this 4chan post was less funny and more 'Feelsy' to me. Hard to laugh when the joke strikes close to home.
#164 - lawlnope (10/04/2013) [-]
Whoa, Nelly
#167 to #164 - mrhazzy ONLINE (10/04/2013) [-]
It's worth it.
#205 to #167 - lawlnope (10/05/2013) [-]
I did.
I did.
#206 to #205 - mrhazzy ONLINE (10/05/2013) [-]
Well done, Have some Spidey toast.
Well done, Have some Spidey toast.
#208 to #206 - lawlnope (10/06/2013) [-]
Many thanks
Many thanks
#115 - stallwallwriter (10/04/2013) [-]
Hey, Neckbeard guy fulfills a very important function. He inspires the lot of us to be happier and more careful with our lives. It's like those old Victorian parables they used to tell children, where the kids in them would die horribly because they didn't listen to their parents. Well, we know have an example of what not to do with our lives.
Thank you for giving us this shining beacon of neckbeard-itude.
#51 - anon (10/04/2013) [-]
Cheers OP, that made me feel so much better about myself
#139 - anon (10/04/2013) [-]
This is some life-changing **** , right here. After reading this, I've decided to make a drastic change; a change that will hopefully alter the course in which my life is heading. For years, I've done nothing but play video games for hours on end; I'd eat to my heart's content; I'd participate in masturbation marathons; hell, I even smoked weed every day; every day was spent in blissful stupor.

Looking back, I can't help but feel disgust; disgust towards myself. I don't know how things got so bad, I can't even remember where things started to go wrong. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. Nothing really brings me any joy. I feel utterly dead inside. I try not to think about it, but It's always there - in the back of my mind. Eating away at me. Useless, disgusting, pitiful, loser... just do the world a favor. Coward.

I don't want to feel anything anymore, because all I feel is empty. I can see it now... happiness - true happiness is right there, waiting for me.

- Nathaniel Kilmer, 91
User avatar #64 - whycanticaps (10/04/2013) [-]
I felt bad reading this
User avatar #12 - techjoker (10/04/2013) [-]
Sometimes i feel that the only purpose for these kinds of people is to make other people feel better about themselves.
User avatar #74 - alreadyexiststho (10/04/2013) [-]
This reminds me of a guy that was a year older than me in school. I knew him because he was friends with my sister. Once I was out of high school we hung out once, because I figured he seemed nice from what my sister told me.

This guy was a "fedora" guy. At 22, he didn't even have his learners permit so he got a ride to my house, then we walked back to his house (all the way the **** across town) because thats where he wanted to be. Turned out he still lived with his parents. No job, either. We went down to his "room" which was the whole basement. He didn't have a bed, but rather a couch in front of this computer/tv set up. Porn was on the screen. He asked me if I wanted to watch My Little Pony and I had no idea what to say so i sat there with him watching it for about an hour before he turned it off and asked if I wanted to smoke with him. As he was talking this porn slide show came on his computer screen again.

Needless to say I got the **** out of there.
User avatar #185 to #74 - guymandude (10/05/2013) [-]
Did you at least smoke his weed? Even if you don't smoke, you should have done it just to make sure he had less. Because he seems like a douche who should have less of the things he likes.
User avatar #188 to #185 - alreadyexiststho (10/05/2013) [-]
No I didnt. He actually bought the weed off this really sketchy guy while we were walking to his house that day. It was pretty inappropriate. Its not like we were on a date (although I'm sure he thought we were), but thats just not something you do the first time you hang out with someone.
User avatar #193 to #188 - guymandude (10/05/2013) [-]
oh yeah no, that's ******* weird. But he probably thought "got a "friend" with me, time to show him how awesome I am!"Guys like that always have this horribly warped sense of what is actually cool and what's not. They all seem have somehow all been lead to believe that any and all drugs make you a badass, as well as having an interest in porn.
User avatar #195 to #193 - alreadyexiststho (10/05/2013) [-]
True, but I'm a girl. He actually asked me to be his girlfriend after just that one day, so I'm assuming he was under the impression that it was a date.

I'm sure he meant no harm, it was just a very strange experience for me haha.
#83 to #74 - oliveirajo (10/04/2013) [-]
May you explain me what is a fedora guy, please?
#87 to #83 - alreadyexiststho (10/04/2013) [-]
Gamers (usually fat) who believe that they are the coolest **** because they're "not like other guys" and are superior to 99% of the human race simply because they are athiests.

<< this is an example.
#88 to #87 - alreadyexiststho (10/04/2013) [-]
another example.
#90 to #88 - alreadyexiststho (10/04/2013) [-]
I'm having way too much fun googling these.
User avatar #132 to #90 - enkmaster (10/04/2013) [-]
Says "Im fairly good with a blade"

Probably thinks a Katana is top **** .
User avatar #199 to #87 - oliveirajo (10/05/2013) [-]
That sounds like me. ( Exept I am not a bragging fag about intelligence, not a gamer, not fat or own ugly glasses. )
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