Frank The Turtle

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Frank The Turtle. Everyone meet Frank. Frank is 40lb snapping turtle that wandered into a community where he did not belong. Frank needed to be escorted back to

Everyone meet Frank. Frank is 40lb snapping turtle that wandered into a community where he did not belong. Frank needed to be escorted back to his local pond where he couldn't go all snappity snap on anyone (or cute puppies) so my friend and i jumped into action. Within about 2 minutes it was pretty apparent that Frank is a gigantic ******* asshole.

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Here we see Frank gettin' all high and mighty trying to run the away from us and get to the nearest basket of puppies that he could then chompity chomp simply because he is a giant . Let me tell you something Frank, your dreams of being a Godzilla like terror on humanity are * over. You picked the wrong town Frank, you picked the wrong * town. Not like Frank was gonna make it easy on me though. I swear to god this bastard just about hissed and everywhere before we got him to calm the down. Jesus Frank.

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Frank then realized he was ** so instead of cooperating and getting a free ride back to his pond OH NO. Frank here decides he is five * years old and he sits the down and goes limp. Honestly Frank grow the ** up. You think other turtles are acting like this at your age Frank, no. Frank here probably thought at this point we we're unqualified to deal with a shelled prehistoric asswipe but his ass was wrong. So wrong.

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WE *** LASSO'D THE OUTTA YOU FRANK.

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Needless to say Frank was pretty *** upset about the whole ordeal and bitched the entire ten minute walk back to Casa De Frank. and just when i thought my life was gonna get just a little bit easier, Frank goes and torpedo shotgun pisses all over my foot. you Frank. Thats low even for you, you pancake shelled dickweed.

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Long story short we got Frank back home and saved the entire town. Frank was not hurt, and we treated the whole situation with care BECAUSE I'M A BIGGER MORE MATURE PERSON THAN YOU FRANK YOU SON OF A BITCH.

+1955

Views:	66799
Favorited:	329
Submitted:	07/09/2015

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74 comments displayed.

+29

#121 - letting [OP]

(07/10/2015) [-]

stickied by letting

Somebody found some rare baby photos of our dear friend Frank, and I decided to share them with you all.

/Frank+the+turtle+then+and+now/funny-pictures/5610026/

+373

#7 - travishein ONLINE (07/09/2015) [-]

< **** you! I am darkness, I am the leviathan...I will spare no one!

Seriously though, snapping turtles are dicks.

+69

#31 to #7 - cerig (07/09/2015) [-]

**** you no they're not. Raised properly they can be some of the sweetest gentlest creatures despite their retard jaw strength. Most turtles have an inherent phobia of even the slightest rapid change in elevation.

Case and point this little lovable bastard on the left. Raised him from the size of a quarter to a 10 year old lazy bump on a log you see pictured. He never bit me once, but he loved sleeping in his doggy bed and HATED being picked up.

+61

#67 to #31 - igelior (07/09/2015) [-]

CAUTION don't listen to anything this user says - he is secretly a snapping turtle himself and wants us humans to let our guard down in regard to snapping turtles - DO NOT TRUST SNAPPING TURTLES - DO NOT TRUST USER CERIG - BE AWARE OF THE SNAPPING TURTLE WORLD CONSPIRACY
on the other hand praise tiny turtles - they are love!

#106 to #67 - saytwaa (07/10/2015) [-]

Thats exactly what a tiny turtle would say...

+35

#52 to #31 - travishein ONLINE (07/09/2015) [-]

**** you yes they are. I can raise a god damn tiger from a cub and it's less likely to maul me to death, but the potential is still there. I'm not going to start Tumblr prefacing for the rare exception so you special snowflake types feel validated... #notallturtles #wildturtlesaredicks Seriously. I've been chased down by a very unhappy wild snapper about the size of a manhole cover...because the dickhead was stealing the raw chicken out of our crab pots and we unwittingly pulled him up in one. The only thing that saved me from losing an appendage was that I managed to get the handle of the crab net I was carrying in his mouth before he got my foot. Then he ******* did a half gainer off the bridge we were crabbing from and I swear he flipped me off on the way down.

#153 to #52 - cerig (07/10/2015) [-]

wel if you leave food out its gonna attract scavengers. I'd be pretty pissed and scared too if i was caught in a trap for several hours. He's just doing what his instincts tell him.

#155 to #153 - travishein ONLINE (07/10/2015) [-]

Here's an example...just in case you were wondering. You tie the chicken in the middle of the pot. Crabs go to the chicken to pick at it. you lift up on the chain or rope and it pulls up the sides trapping them in...they are usually about 3 feet per side...and he stretched damn near across it. It was dark and hard to see...damn near got at me.

#156 to #155 - cerig (07/10/2015) [-]

Again, its an adult scavenger judging from the description of the size. Two snapping turtles are opportunistic eaters, they dont go on the hunt as much because they wait for it to come to them. So if you keep on leaving chicken out like that he's gonna want to keep on eating it. My big guy loved chicken too.

I will say this again, he was just a dumb animal tryin to get his fill.

#157 to #156 - travishein ONLINE (07/10/2015) [-]

And I'm going to say it again. Snapping turtles are DICKS! They are like water moccasins. Most snakes will go out of their way to avoid you...cottonmouths will actively pursue you...same with a snapper...have a great life.

#154 to #153 - travishein ONLINE (07/10/2015) [-]

These aren't your "drop and go" type of crab pots. These are active pots. You drop them down off a bridge into brackish water...then you pull them up about 5 minutes later clear the crabs off and drop again. You use raw chicken. Turtle dick had already managed to clean off 3 or 4 pots before we pulled him up. My friend and I actually thought he was a giant crab because all we could see was his shell. Once we lowered the pot onto the bridge we realized how much we had ****** up. So no...not in a trap for hours. And yes, instincts. It's instinctual for snapping turtles to be dickheads.

+12

#113 to #31 - officerbooty (07/10/2015) [-]

I'm not gonna take my chances.

#151 to #113 - cerig (07/10/2015) [-]

Well thats what happens with the wild ones.

#110 to #31 - onemoreminute (07/10/2015) [-]

>this wildly dangerous animal is not dangerous because I raised one from birth

#138 to #110 - anon (07/10/2015) [-]

That's generally how it works with wild animals.
If you can manage to keep them around from birth then they will be alright, although I'd expect to get bit at least once. **** happens.

#46 to #31 - anon (07/09/2015) [-]

How long does these turtles live? The prime reason for me to ever to get one is that I wouldn't have to see ten of them die before I pass on myself.

Man, losing my dog was ******* hard.

+24

#55 to #46 - mjdjoy (07/09/2015) [-]

From Wikipedia:"Though their potential lifespans in the wild are unknown, alligator snapping turtles are believed to be capable of living to 200 years of age, but 80 to 120 is more likely. In captivity, they typically live between 20 and 70 years."

+17

#104 to #55 - corps (07/10/2015) [-]

I can just imagine someone breaking into that dude's house, wandering through the dark looking to steal his TV, when all the sudden he just hears a huge CHOMP, and suddenly, his entire ******* leg is gone and that ************ is gnawing on it while his blood is shooting all over the carpet as he screams in total agony and the turtle is just sitting there munching and crunching, enjoying his tasty snack.

#58 to #46 - anon (07/09/2015) [-]

Prolly depends on how you treat them, since wikipedia says that they live between 20 to 70 years in captivity.

They can also get quite large, I mean look at this thing:

#152 to #46 - cerig (07/10/2015) [-]

Captive, 29-40 years give or take. Wild, well theres only guesstimates but they were finding aligator snappers with civil war musketballs in them as late as the 70s

#53 to #46 - secondlawprevails ONLINE (07/09/2015) [-]

On snappers? Dunno. But sliders can live for around 30+ years in captivity given the right care.

#142 to #31 - revansfirst (07/10/2015) [-]

Is that a alligator snapping turtle? How is that thing not evil af

#150 to #142 - cerig (07/10/2015) [-]

Regular snapper, and he just wasn't. He had a really docile personality.

+37

#18 to #7 - dreygur (07/09/2015) [-]

If I had one of the strongest jaws in the world you bet your ass I would use it

+33

#22 to #18 - travishein ONLINE (07/09/2015) [-]

Wanna know how to build up your jaw muscles....

+10

#85 to #22 - hardjunk (07/09/2015) [-]

***** , i train my jaws eating ******* haribos

#118 to #85 - teddybearlove ONLINE (07/10/2015) [-]

Sugar free?

#122 to #118 - alltimetens (07/10/2015) [-]

No, because then he'd be training his ass.

+11

#51 to #22 - pinethrush (07/09/2015) [-]

No joke, I spent time every day for three months crushing hard candies with my tongue to prepare tongue and jaw for going down on a girl.

I'm fairly sure it's the main reason she decided we should get back together.

+427

#6 - okamiterasu (07/09/2015) [-]

#79 to #6 - thewizsam (07/09/2015) [-]

franks a dick

+53

#69 to #6 - TopDawg (07/09/2015) [-]

I saved this because I'm Frank

#115 to #69 - xxdigitalxx (07/10/2015) [-]

What's this from?

#116 to #115 - tornadomad (07/10/2015) [-]

I come bearing source!

+70

#35 - retromancer (07/09/2015) [-]

"On my way to **** your bitch"

+12

#64 to #35 - CAPSEDDIE (07/09/2015) [-]

Frank
Wat R U doin?
Frank
Stahp

+136

#10 - acksl (07/09/2015) [-]

BREAKING NEWS! FRANKS SEXTAPE LEAKED

#112 to #10 - sleepisfortheweak (07/10/2015) [-]

****

#68 to #10 - sonofthedeepsouth (07/09/2015) [-]

is that a turtle dick?

#73 to #68 - SoulRyuu (07/09/2015) [-]

imgur.com/Eyj6qM2.gifv Closer look of another turtle.

#101 to #73 - questionableferret ONLINE (07/10/2015) [-]

Both of them are Tortoises.

#86 to #73 - hardjunk (07/09/2015) [-]

hfw

#100 to #73 - lesolan (07/10/2015) [-]

#114 to #100 - garymotherfingoak (07/10/2015) [-]

it's relevant this time, so have a thumb

#78 to #73 - sonofthedeepsouth (07/09/2015) [-]

#97 to #10 - destismad (07/10/2015) [-]

Turtle came so hard he died. Brain just went, "well **** , that was it I guess. That's as good as it gets. Goodbye world."

+10

#72 to #10 - legitimately (07/09/2015) [-]

"Avenge me!"

+62

#20 - szatan (07/09/2015) [-]

>Casa De Frank

+42

#33 - hubabalu (07/09/2015) [-]

+14

#49 to #33 - thinemother (07/09/2015) [-]

ah what the **** man I thought turtles were supposed to be slow as **** . I no longer feel safe

#139 to #49 - anon (07/10/2015) [-]

That's cause snapping turtles gave up some underbelly protection for more mobility.

+30

#37 to #33 - MrHighflier (07/09/2015) [-]

+38

#3 - kingdork (07/09/2015) [-]

After he is returned to pond, fish face when

#145 to #3 - domogle (07/10/2015) [-]

The original post was going to take gold for making me laugh the hardest for a while, but got dayum this video made me piss a brick.

#96 to #3 - myreadyassyolk (07/10/2015) [-]

Thats actually horrifying though

+30

#8 - metalheadtildeath (07/09/2015) [-]

prehistoric asswipe? funny **** . pancake shelled dickweed? ****** lost it right there

+66

#5 - HenrikVIII ONLINE (07/09/2015) [-]

This was the best thing i saw on funnyjunk in quite some time now
Godspeed you magnificent bastard, the protector of tame and wild animals alike

+27

#43 - danmegaflakes ONLINE (07/09/2015) [-]

reminds me of this dickweed

-1

#50 to #43 - deadmice (07/09/2015) [-]

If he put the camera down he could push the greedy **** away.

#137 to #43 - kameken (07/10/2015) [-]

"Don't let this faggot alpha male you, **** !"

When people give Joshlol sideways eight thumbs for reposts.

#77 to #43 - atma (07/09/2015) [-]

Who is this, the commentary is amazing
he sounds like a less flamboyant Stamper

#83 to #77 - sniperskellington (07/09/2015) [-]

That is Stamper...

#84 to #83 - atma (07/09/2015) [-]

Haha, I had a feeling it would be after I said that
he's just not doing his stage voice
Thanks

+28

#41 - myjunk (07/09/2015) [-]

100% smug

+22

#62 - CAPSEDDIE (07/09/2015) [-]

He is probably grumpy because he is like 115 years old and his neck looks like a foreskin.

+32

#36 - yuzero (07/09/2015) [-]

**yuzero used "*roll picture*"**
**yuzero rolled image** ****** frank

+14

#47 - include (07/09/2015) [-]

+14

#27 - jdonaldson (07/09/2015) [-]

What's up bro?

#107 - theseqceeman (07/10/2015) [-]

>Here we see Frank gettin' all high and mighty trying to run the **** away from us and get to the nearest basket of puppies that he could then chompity chomp simply because he is a giant **** .
>WE ******* LASSO'D THE **** OUTTA YOU FRANK
>Frank goes and torpedo shotgun pisses all over my foot. **** you Frank. Thats low even for you, you pancake shelled dickweed.
>BECAUSE I'M A BIGGER MORE MATURE PERSON THAN YOU FRANK YOU SON OF A BITCH
this post is gold

#71 - crimsonhunter (07/09/2015) [-]

#89 - anon (07/09/2015) [-]

this is a s*** picture but there's a Frank that lives in the pond in my hometown. the jerk sits and waits for people to go fishing, and when you reel in a fish he'll come out of nowhere like some kind of reptilian ninja ****** and demolishes your fish. named him Godzilla.
there's not much for scale but his head is about the size of a softball.