Duct Tape. . During a private "illain" fishing excursion in the Alaskan wilderness, The chartered pilot and Fishermen left a cooler and Bait in the plane, A bea
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User avatar #12 - josieabby (01/31/2014) [-]
I was taking a nice, hot, soapy shower when I noticed a nasty lump on my anus.
My doctor scheduled surgery to remove and biopsy the lump for a few days later.
I was positioned on the table like a triangle with my ass in the air.
The doctor proceeded to inject several Lidocaine shots into my anus in a circular pattern.
Shortly after, the doctor muttered something so horrible..."I'm going to need some duct tape."
One of the nurses returned with a roll of duct tape, and then the doctor said something you don't hear every day...."I'm going to use this duct tape so I can spread your buttocks apart to give me better access."
He attached one end of the duct tape to my right buttocks, pulled the tape tight, and wrapped the other end around the rail at the edge of the table that keeps you from falling off. He did the same thing to my left buttocks.
So now, my ass is pointing straight up in the air and spread apart, so anyone who wanted to could have played a challenging round of golf with it.
He injected about 20 more Lidocaine shots around the lump then simply cut the lump off.
Turns out it was a benign tumor with no complications.
Thank God for duct tape.

(True story, but not mine.)
#31 to #12 - xcoreyx (01/31/2014) [-]
> "I"
> "my"
> "True story, but not mine."
#54 to #31 - redscorp (01/31/2014) [-]
have you ever heard of copypastas?
User avatar #88 to #54 - jacksipian (02/01/2014) [-]
he probably also thinks that there are thousands of Navy SEALS with 300 confirmed kills, have performed secret raids on al queda, and can wipe people out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before.
#139 to #88 - John Cena (02/01/2014) [-]
ooor it just sounded silly. there are often user stories in the comments, and it sounded like one until that last line.
#57 to #12 - evilhomer (02/01/2014) [-]
MFW reading the story
User avatar #42 to #12 - twothreefivefive (01/31/2014) [-]
And then they have to rip off the duct tape.
User avatar #24 to #12 - thelastamerican ONLINE (01/31/2014) [-]
I'm filing this away in my brain under the, "Information relevant to ductape." Maybe it'll be useful if I someday have to perform impromptu surgery on someone in the back of my car.
User avatar #32 to #24 - perform (01/31/2014) [-]
What the **** is going on here.
#8 - josieabby (01/31/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#30 to #8 - mrleopardgecko (01/31/2014) [-]
my car is like the force than
User avatar #64 to #30 - skidbladnir (02/01/2014) [-]
So you say that your car holds the universe together?
User avatar #147 to #30 - tornadomad (02/01/2014) [-]
Your car is more like the force than what?
#60 to #30 - John Cena (02/01/2014) [-]
User avatar #3 - optimussum (01/31/2014) [-]
Repair +1
User avatar #97 to #3 - scowler (02/01/2014) [-]
I don't understand the mentality here...
User avatar #21 to #3 - ratchymatchy (01/31/2014) [-]
Unlocked Duct Tape Gun.
#29 - mrleopardgecko (01/31/2014) [-]
behold, this picture of my car i use too much
#52 to #29 - John Cena (01/31/2014) [-]
"Your car"

Like yer not sum filthy negro.
User avatar #138 to #29 - redstag (02/01/2014) [-]
My mom has that car. It handles like a ******* brick but it is pretty ******* fast for a hoop-d
#41 to #29 - saddened (01/31/2014) [-]
That's actually pretty cool.
That's actually pretty cool.
User avatar #73 to #29 - mangostormlegend (02/01/2014) [-]
This looks like something an evil cartoon villain's henchman would drive
#86 to #29 - bigboyblue (02/01/2014) [-]
This is who really owns that car.
#70 to #29 - mytrakytra (02/01/2014) [-]
chewythewolftwo check this **** out.
User avatar #39 to #29 - letriggs (01/31/2014) [-]
are you Harvey Dent or something?
User avatar #40 to #39 - mrleopardgecko (01/31/2014) [-]
haha, I could pull it off
#56 - triplexrated **User deleted account** (02/01/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#50 - royrogersmcfreely (01/31/2014) [-]
She's built like a steak-house, but she handles like a bistro
User avatar #150 to #50 - daentraya (02/01/2014) [-]
But ships using bistromathics are even faster than an improbability field, plus, you get a nice bistro-theme in the engine room
#76 to #50 - fjantasjell (02/01/2014) [-]
Brannigan law, is like Brannigans love; hard, and fast
#80 - tommythecatt (02/01/2014) [-]
Red Green would be proud.
User avatar #104 to #80 - supercookieduster (02/01/2014) [-]
nice, haven't seen this show since I was like 8. you just put a smile on my face
#106 to #80 - elricbros **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#135 to #106 - John Cena (02/01/2014) [-]
Really? thats actually pretty awesome.
#28 - ellina (01/31/2014) [-]
They don´t made the deal..
#129 to #28 - aaauuuggghhh (02/01/2014) [-]
They don't... made... the deal.
Why is your comment so green and verdant?
#27 - stoicnotion (01/31/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#55 - yumz (02/01/2014) [-]
gunna get u faggit TAKE THIS COCKSUCKE- shiet NOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo
gunna get u faggit TAKE THIS COCKSUCKE- shiet NOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo
#59 to #55 - trollinjesus (02/01/2014) [-]
WARTHUNDER! That's such a fantastic game! and it's free on steam!
User avatar #95 to #59 - johrny (02/01/2014) [-]
send link. im to stupid to find it on steam
User avatar #143 to #95 - crimsonsunshine (02/01/2014) [-]
Then you are too stupid to play the game.
User avatar #74 to #59 - dehnoobshow (02/01/2014) [-]
I would suck at this game because I can barely even fly the Jets in BF3.
User avatar #85 to #74 - shunji ONLINE (02/01/2014) [-]
You get introduced to the style of flying really quickly, and it is pretty simple if you play in arcade mode (3 game-modes they primarily influence difficulty of flying and objective, arcade, realistic & simulator (I think I don't need to explain them))

You start with a biplane. A BIPLANE.
User avatar #90 to #85 - dehnoobshow (02/01/2014) [-]
I can see it already: ''Okay, I'm getting the hang of this. Let's play PvP.''
I then proceed to get violated in every pore for the next hour with a K/D of 1/50
User avatar #152 to #90 - shunji ONLINE (02/01/2014) [-]
You cannot expect to be good at a game you just started playing...you will get better at it though^^
You have to accept that sometimes, you are just unlucky... and sometimes you rock
User avatar #96 to #90 - sagedivinity (02/01/2014) [-]
You just sumed up my first day of experience with this game
User avatar #72 to #59 - mangostormlegend (02/01/2014) [-]
Which is better: this or World of Warplanes?
#83 to #72 - shunji ONLINE (02/01/2014) [-]
You play WoW/WoT when you want to play a shooter where your character happens to be a plane/tank.
You play Warthunder if you want to FLY, use your surroundings and ******* outmaneuver enemies that tail you and want to shoot you to **** and tiny bits of scrap.

Oh and warthunder is getting tanks, too ;)
User avatar #92 to #72 - trollinjesus (02/01/2014) [-]
Depends. World of Warplanes is definitely more Arcade and Warthunder is a more serious WWII pilot shooter. The mechanics are much more difficult than the echanics in World of Warplanes. Defnitely filled with a very dedicated audience as well. It is a lot of fun. I don't know if you are familiar with the PS2 game "Secret Weapons Over Normandy" but it's like a nostaglia high from that. I used to play the hell out of that and then Warthunder came out for free and completely blew me away. i love that game. I highly recommend it
User avatar #81 to #72 - shunji ONLINE (02/01/2014) [-]
Warthunder. No chance of WoW(World of warplanes) winning.
#87 - rickyleipzig ONLINE (02/01/2014) [-]
Just think how many girls you could rape with 3 cases of duct tape
#94 to #87 - johrny (02/01/2014) [-]
And imagine all those childreans, the possiblities are endless
And imagine all those childreans, the possiblities are endless
User avatar #93 to #87 - Leopard (02/01/2014) [-]
0 because you're a faggot
#113 to #68 - longlivevapix (02/01/2014) [-]
Wrong, you must all hail my pic.
User avatar #99 - AdamBaum (02/01/2014) [-]
So basically we should shoot bears at airplanes instead of missiles?
#22 - karvarausku ONLINE (01/31/2014) [-]
**karvarausku rolled a random image posted in comment #62628 at PARTY CONTAINMENT CHAMBER. PARTY OR DIE. YOU CANNOT LEAVE ** Gorilla tape, just like duct tape, but much stronger.
**karvarausku rolled a random image posted in comment #62628 at PARTY CONTAINMENT CHAMBER. PARTY OR DIE. YOU CANNOT LEAVE ** Gorilla tape, just like duct tape, but much stronger.
#149 - juniorhockeyplayer (02/01/2014) [-]
"Had pilot bring in 3 cases of duct tape" "never leave home without it"... Wut
User avatar #65 - zeroxnight (02/01/2014) [-]
it turns 'no no no' to 'mmhm mmhm mmhm'
User avatar #26 - beastybaconman (01/31/2014) [-]
The mythbusters did a whole episode on this
User avatar #62 to #26 - yutdollacwwwthree (02/01/2014) [-]
more than one, they did many
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