Duck Dynasty (get it?)
HE DON' T
DUMP FOOD
ON THE FLOOR!
NOT.
l' miimii' ' it' viii' llet
POLITICIAN.
DUMP FOOD
ON THE FLOOR!
NOT.
l' miimii' ' it' viii' llet
POLITICIAN.
...
| |
Anonymous comments allowed.
125 comments displayed.
#5
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msamnesia (09/22/2015) [-]
"arguing with a smaller version of myself"
i hope thats the case, i was such an easy kid my dad would freak out sometimes and look around panicked for me, only to see im standing quietly 4 feet away staring at a stain on the wall that i think looks like a cat.
i hope thats the case, i was such an easy kid my dad would freak out sometimes and look around panicked for me, only to see im standing quietly 4 feet away staring at a stain on the wall that i think looks like a cat.
#10 to #5
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silvanyis (09/22/2015) [-] I'm expecting to deliver my first here in a couple of months. A son. I was a quiet child, and my husband was a quiet child, I'm hoping genetics kind of plays a part in that.
But it's more our luck for us (two very B type personalities) to have a tiny dictator in our house.
But it's more our luck for us (two very B type personalities) to have a tiny dictator in our house.
#7
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lucky 
ONLINE (09/22/2015) [-] I have an 8 y/o daughter. She recently fractured part of her foot/ankle. I thought she just twisted it again(she likes running and soccer) I didnt even know it was fractured until she went back to her moms and she took her to the doctor. I felt like crap after i found out.
ONLINE (09/22/2015) [-] 
#92 to #7
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jagerhaus (09/23/2015) [-] I broke my ankle once during football practice. Tried to walk on it , only made it a few feet before my coach yelled at me to sit on the grass. Thought I'd just twisted it but I actually blew out every tendon in there if you're wondering how that could possible happen, I had roughly 800 pounds of bodies on it while it twisted the other way . Couldn't walk for 3+ months. Glad to hear your kid got help at some point.
#59 to #7
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jibbablabba (09/22/2015) [-] was jumping on a trampoline. about 5 or 6, can't remember exactly
playing with my aunt at my grandparents. she was pretty young, i think about 13-14 she's only about 7-9 years older than me.
anyway
playing this game where one of us is sitting and the other jumps up and lands on their butt to send the sitter into the air.
my turn to get launched. she keeps reminding me not to land on my feet
can't remember which leg, keep thinking right but it might've been left. for the sake of argument i'll say right.
land on that foot and nothing else, fall over in extreme pain.
mother believes twisted ankle, don't blame her i wasn't exactly crying that much
yeah i was the type of kid that didn't cry. at least until i was 7+ where every kid usually sheds a few tears at eating some ground
anyway, i need to pee. by this time i'm home. dad laid me on the couch and covered me with the knit blanket because it was warm. so i get up and hop on one leg down the hall to the bathroom and while standing on just one leg i pee into the toilet. literally was Flamingo Boy for a bit
Mom thought it was weird, but whatever.
next day, elder brother's baseball game.
in a wagon because i refuse to walk because i know it will hurt
mom asks athletic trainer to look at my leg
second she touched it i screamed bloody murder
first words out of her mouth was "it's broken"
needless to say my mom felt horrible that she couldn't tell it was broken.
got fitted with a cast and healed up. Xray revealed it was a clean Tib-Fib fracture.
so yeah, i can imagine how she felt , but i don't blame her. she wasn't psychic
playing with my aunt at my grandparents. she was pretty young, i think about 13-14 she's only about 7-9 years older than me.
anyway
playing this game where one of us is sitting and the other jumps up and lands on their butt to send the sitter into the air.
my turn to get launched. she keeps reminding me not to land on my feet
can't remember which leg, keep thinking right but it might've been left. for the sake of argument i'll say right.
land on that foot and nothing else, fall over in extreme pain.
mother believes twisted ankle, don't blame her i wasn't exactly crying that much
yeah i was the type of kid that didn't cry. at least until i was 7+ where every kid usually sheds a few tears at eating some ground
anyway, i need to pee. by this time i'm home. dad laid me on the couch and covered me with the knit blanket because it was warm. so i get up and hop on one leg down the hall to the bathroom and while standing on just one leg i pee into the toilet. literally was Flamingo Boy for a bit
Mom thought it was weird, but whatever.
next day, elder brother's baseball game.
in a wagon because i refuse to walk because i know it will hurt
mom asks athletic trainer to look at my leg
second she touched it i screamed bloody murder
first words out of her mouth was "it's broken"
needless to say my mom felt horrible that she couldn't tell it was broken.
got fitted with a cast and healed up. Xray revealed it was a clean Tib-Fib fracture.
so yeah, i can imagine how she felt , but i don't blame her. she wasn't psychic
#27 to #7
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rattybastard ONLINE (09/22/2015) [-] yeah, honestly, you don't want to coddle your kid. I have 2 of em, and after they reach the "I wanna touch everything" stage, your going to have bumps and bruises. I have done the exact same thing myself; my kid didn't act like it was too damn serious, but the next day it was swollen and sore as all hells, and sure enough it was broken. Should I have gone to the doctor that day? Maybe, but oh well; they will survive. My wife and I still joke about it.
#2
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MercurySenshi ONLINE (09/22/2015) [-] Lost my **** on a lot of these. As a parent of an 8 year old, I can tell you all of these are true. But I'm a mom not a dad.
#142 to #123
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ILIEKPEPSEE (09/23/2015) [-] There's a difference between "That kid is cute" and "I want to **** that little 8 year old pussy". Learn this difference.
#97 to #2
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chummyxray ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-] I realize that this isn't the focus of your picture, but Go Big Red!
#99 to #97
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MercurySenshi ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-] Read down lower. There are a lot of husker fan and pol talking about how weird we are!
#119 to #2
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internetnick (09/23/2015) [-]
aw She's super cute.
Minus the missing teeth. #1 reason kids freak me out
Minus the missing teeth. #1 reason kids freak me out
#6 to #2
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alfonshister (09/22/2015) [-] random question out of nowhere,
but do you prefer having a son or a daughter?
but do you prefer having a son or a daughter?
#12 to #6
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MercurySenshi ONLINE (09/22/2015) [-] A daughter. There are so many girls in the family I'm use to it. I would not know how to parent a son.
#101 to #12
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blandbland (09/23/2015) [-] Just give them a videogame system and your credit card info I just found out where all my dad's cash whent
#30 to #3
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satansferret (09/22/2015) [-] If you have any nieces or nephews just watch them from time to time. You get the fun parts and only have to deal with the crap on occasion.
#102 to #30
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Visual (09/23/2015) [-] That's why I'm so excited for my sister to have kids soon after she gets married. I look forward to being the cool uncle and help teach important lessons that the parents want help on and I can have fun with them but when I burn out on spending time with them, get bored or something, I can always return them to my sister and BIL.
#110 to #102
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cloakndagger ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-] I'm already at that point, man, and let me tell you, it's the life. When my nephew sees something cool and fun and dangerous, but his mom is all safety-conscious, I get to be the one that's like, "You wanna do it? Well, let's go! Just don't tell your mom, she'll kill me..."
And the adorable little **** loves me for it. It kicks my ass every time I think about how much he looks up to me. I just hope he still feels that way as a teenager.
And the adorable little **** loves me for it. It kicks my ass every time I think about how much he looks up to me. I just hope he still feels that way as a teenager.
#112 to #111
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cloakndagger ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-] Yeah, man, I feel about the same. I've always looked at my mental state, and the likelihood that I'd pass on genes for mild autism (So mild I'm still not 100% sure I have it...) and a few other disorders and wondered if I really want to pass on my genetic material. I still love kids, though, and I'm an alright role model, so being an uncle works out perfect for me. I've considered adopting later on in life when I'm sure I have all my **** together, that way I can fully raise a kid, but not pass on the ******** I had to fight with growing up.
#13 to #11
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andywazowski ONLINE (09/22/2015) [-] I didn't think there were moms on the internet
Congrats BTW! I really want kids
Congrats BTW! I really want kids
#15 to #14
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andywazowski ONLINE (09/22/2015) [-] Yeah, I would imagine carrying a baby in your womb would suck ass. But then again, it will probably just streanghten the bond.
#48 to #19
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coffinsalesman (09/22/2015) [-] My grandpa loved to tell this joke.
"What does the N in the huskers logo stand for?"
"Nowledge"
"What does the N in the huskers logo stand for?"
"Nowledge"
#64 to #63
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coffinsalesman (09/22/2015) [-] that's the joke. Nebraska is kind of a football school meaning that the academic side gets less attention.
#84 to #64
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daemonicdemeanor ONLINE (09/22/2015) [-] **daemonicdemeanor used "*roll picture*"**
**daemonicdemeanor rolled image**No. Nebraska is a football state. Meaning everything else gets less attention. Every few years I visit my dad there, and Jesus Christ it shocks me every time. I was wandering around an outlet mall looking for sunglasses when I noticed they weren't playing music, they were playing the first football game of the season over talk radio. I returned to Lincoln and thank God I was going to Omaha that night because every motel was full due to the game. Pretty much every restaurant or bar was packed, but places without TVs were like ghost towns almost. When I was younger, I actually went to a NU vs CU game and they announced at the beginning that they had the record for sold out games, something like 40 years straight of a packed stadium with every game extending that record even further. It's kinda like the twilight zone. I mean, I'm from Colorado, and when the Bronco's are in the Super Bowl, I watch. Other than that, I couldn't care much less about football. When I drive to Nebraska, I know I'm there when they start selling hard alcohol and cornhusker merchandise at every gas station. ******* WalMart had a Cornhusker section. I read somewhere that whenever they are playing, the stadium becomes, either the most or top three at least, most populated city in Nebraska, EVERY SINGLE GAME.
My step brother actually played for them, and so I ate at Buffalo Wild Wings with the offensive line. Let me tell you, they are the biggest ******* dudes I've ever seen. I'm 6'2'' and about 200 pounds and I felt TINY there. They were also treated how I expect royalty is treated when they ventured into public during the middle ages.
**daemonicdemeanor rolled image**No. Nebraska is a football state. Meaning everything else gets less attention. Every few years I visit my dad there, and Jesus Christ it shocks me every time. I was wandering around an outlet mall looking for sunglasses when I noticed they weren't playing music, they were playing the first football game of the season over talk radio. I returned to Lincoln and thank God I was going to Omaha that night because every motel was full due to the game. Pretty much every restaurant or bar was packed, but places without TVs were like ghost towns almost. When I was younger, I actually went to a NU vs CU game and they announced at the beginning that they had the record for sold out games, something like 40 years straight of a packed stadium with every game extending that record even further. It's kinda like the twilight zone. I mean, I'm from Colorado, and when the Bronco's are in the Super Bowl, I watch. Other than that, I couldn't care much less about football. When I drive to Nebraska, I know I'm there when they start selling hard alcohol and cornhusker merchandise at every gas station. ******* WalMart had a Cornhusker section. I read somewhere that whenever they are playing, the stadium becomes, either the most or top three at least, most populated city in Nebraska, EVERY SINGLE GAME.
My step brother actually played for them, and so I ate at Buffalo Wild Wings with the offensive line. Let me tell you, they are the biggest ******* dudes I've ever seen. I'm 6'2'' and about 200 pounds and I felt TINY there. They were also treated how I expect royalty is treated when they ventured into public during the middle ages.
#89 to #84
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MercurySenshi ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-] I'm from Omaha. I live in Papillion now. You are correct about the Husker fans I used to work at Bakers and there was no one at the store during the games ever
#91 to #89
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daemonicdemeanor ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-] Yeah man. I was seriously considering making content about my experience there. I've never seen fans that widespread and fanatical anywhere. It's incredible to see a city that's literally 90% decked out in red. I was making jokes to my brother about it being impossible to be a crip in Nebraska.
#94 to #84
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oceanfrank (09/23/2015) [-] well when the only place you got in nebraska is a corn field to your left and a cornfield to your right then I guess football is the only thing you got going in terms of fun.
#95 to #94
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daemonicdemeanor ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-] **daemonicdemeanor used "*roll picture*"**
**daemonicdemeanor rolled image**True ******* that. My poor brother moved there because he was getting into mischief here, and he has literally become a Buddhist because he is so bored there. He says he started meditating on a regular basis out of boredom and now its his only entertainment. Punk ass got a job paying 18 an hour though so I don't feel to bad for him. He'll just get a nice ass car and be back in a year all enlightened and **** .
**daemonicdemeanor rolled image**True ******* that. My poor brother moved there because he was getting into mischief here, and he has literally become a Buddhist because he is so bored there. He says he started meditating on a regular basis out of boredom and now its his only entertainment. Punk ass got a job paying 18 an hour though so I don't feel to bad for him. He'll just get a nice ass car and be back in a year all enlightened and **** .
#43 to #23
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MercurySenshi ONLINE (09/22/2015) [-] Thanks. Been here 12 plus years. About to turn 30 in November. All so have a bachelors degree.
#38
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bonbonboneh (09/22/2015) [-] Taking parenting advice from a duck.... I'm not so sure about this.
Click to show spoiler
#126 to #38
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theotherdudec (09/23/2015) [-] We take advice from Ducks all the time! Why should this be any different?
#31
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zeedeveel (09/22/2015) [-] Being a parent is the most rewarding thing ever. Pic related. It's my son and I.
#47 to #31
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thehistorylover (09/22/2015) [-] **thehistorylover used "*roll picture*"**
**thehistorylover rolled image**I want to carefully pinch his little cheeks and give him presents! Cute little baby!
**thehistorylover rolled image**I want to carefully pinch his little cheeks and give him presents! Cute little baby!
#24
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thesecretbear (09/22/2015) [-] Did this to my mom when I was younger. Dad just laughed his ass off.
#54
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Jenisist (09/22/2015) [-] So many parents on fj I am surprised.
I can't trust any of you. All parents have communications with all other parents, you might tell my mother on me. Not that I'm an adult and don't live at home much anymore anyhow.
I can't trust any of you. All parents have communications with all other parents, you might tell my mother on me. Not that I'm an adult and don't live at home much anymore anyhow.
#103 to #54
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mondominiman (09/23/2015) [-] You fool, you still believe you're parents don't still have control over you even though you live far away.
#40
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milehighpride (09/22/2015) [-] >Try to enjoy family themed lulz
>Myself and Girl I loved lost our baby in the hospital
>Single now
>Drinking for the first time in years
Nothing like an internet comic to smack you with reality. Gif unrelated
>Myself and Girl I loved lost our baby in the hospital
>Single now
>Drinking for the first time in years
Nothing like an internet comic to smack you with reality. Gif unrelated
#42
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verrek (09/22/2015) [-] As the youngest of 4 I can confirm this is true.
My parents just kinda gave up when I came along.
My parents just kinda gave up when I came along.
#57 to #42
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jibbablabba (09/22/2015) [-] statistics show that the eldest of a group of siblings is usually the smartest because they expose them to all the educational. while the younger ones become more creative because they're exposed to the cool stuff the eldest watches.
in my case, both my brother and I got educational stuff followed by action shows like Power Rangers (me) TMNT (my brother. and i mean the first cartoon)
we have 11 years between us, so that's why. parents didn't have to worry about two rambunctious kids at once.
in my case, both my brother and I got educational stuff followed by action shows like Power Rangers (me) TMNT (my brother. and i mean the first cartoon)
we have 11 years between us, so that's why. parents didn't have to worry about two rambunctious kids at once.
#58 to #57
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jibbablabba (09/22/2015) [-] forgot my point, what i meant to end it with was, the reason the statistics show that is because of the parents letting the younger ones just watch what the eldest watches. hence why they're not as smart as their big sibling, but they can be if they apply
#146 to #143
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solarisofcelestia (09/23/2015) [-] ![[YTP] Caillou's Ebolaween Twentyfourteen](https://img.youtube.com/vi/AkX0Z-CRX-M/default.jpg)
I imagine this is a case of values dissonance, because I really liked the show in its early seasons yet can't stand the direction they took. I'll admit Caillou was an annoying brat in the first few seasons. Prone to crying, whining, and fits when things don't go his way. But that's what I liked about the character. It was hilarious how much of a little **** he was. I guess I just find it funny when a child misbehaves and isn't causing trouble for me.
The series changed over time. The animation got refined in the middle, but by the later seasons the animation had gone all flash, and it sucked. Caillou's voice had become more effeminate and his personality changed. No longer the little brat that invoked such humor, now he is too polite and considerate to be realistic for a child his age. He's become such a tool.
I imagine this is a case of values dissonance, because I really liked the show in its early seasons yet can't stand the direction they took. I'll admit Caillou was an annoying brat in the first few seasons. Prone to crying, whining, and fits when things don't go his way. But that's what I liked about the character. It was hilarious how much of a little **** he was. I guess I just find it funny when a child misbehaves and isn't causing trouble for me. The series changed over time. The animation got refined in the middle, but by the later seasons the animation had gone all flash, and it sucked. Caillou's voice had become more effeminate and his personality changed. No longer the little brat that invoked such humor, now he is too polite and considerate to be realistic for a child his age. He's become such a tool.
![[YTP] Caillou hurts himself (Inappropriate for kids!)](https://img.youtube.com/vi/-Jt0qRLdCZU/default.jpg)
![[YTP] Caillou hates small children](https://img.youtube.com/vi/uEZGXZhnhKk/default.jpg)
![YTP: Caillou is Afraid of Five nights at Freddy's Part 2 [Almost 10,000 Subscriber special]](https://img.youtube.com/vi/T-Kws4spsNA/default.jpg)
#53 to #16
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internetexplain (09/22/2015) [-] **internetexplain used "*roll picture*"**
**internetexplain rolled image**
implying you'll ever find someone to breed with.
**internetexplain rolled image**
implying you'll ever find someone to breed with.
#22
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snakeinthereeds (09/22/2015) [-] I just can't stop being amused by the fact this adorable family-themed comic is going with ducks of all animals.
Click to show spoiler
#21
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platinumaltaria (09/22/2015) [-] Story is unrelated
>Be me
>or don't, whatever
>want kids so bad
>finally get gf, things might work out
>love **** out of her
>infertile
>mfw
>Be me
>or don't, whatever
>want kids so bad
>finally get gf, things might work out
>love **** out of her
>infertile
>mfw
#37 to #21
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huntergriff ONLINE (09/22/2015) [-] Adopt a kid, There's plenty of black inner city children that need a home, You faggot.
#39 to #37
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platinumaltaria (09/22/2015) [-] The thing about that is, I want my own. Call me selfish, but I respect my biological urges to a degree.
#79 to #76
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maldel (09/22/2015) [-] Man, that sucks :/
Thing is that I think exactly like yours, even if I could adopt a baby (when married and when wanted), I would prefer to have at least one mine.
Have you guys tried fertility treatments? I know personally a few successful cases, but of course only the doctor can say :/
Thing is that I think exactly like yours, even if I could adopt a baby (when married and when wanted), I would prefer to have at least one mine.
Have you guys tried fertility treatments? I know personally a few successful cases, but of course only the doctor can say :/
#32 to #21
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akirafudo (09/22/2015) [-] dont look at the spoiler yet*
>be me, seriously try it its ******* awesome
>gets firlgriend, and married her after 8 years of relationship.
>love her even when sometimes i ******* hate her because no much sex going on
>want kids so bad, tried to get one for 3 years in a row.
>get diagnosed with asthenospermia, get depressed
>stop worrying about it, start to eating well, do some excersice, ready to expend all the baby cushion money i have saved, get an expantion to the house, ps4, xbox one wiiu, travel the world, and spend a weekend on a beach hilton hotel with the wife -all included- matterss is awesome, get **** drunk ate like a ******* pig, spend all nigth ******* her, go to swim on the beach then on the pool then more drinks, then more ******* .
>matterss so awseome that buy the excat same brand/model with pillows and all, because awesome rest.
>we are all set and no longer depressed, because fate acceptance.
>ff 3 months she is expecting a baby boy.
>we are so ******* happy we could not believe it yet.
see the spoiler now**
Click to show spoiler
>be me, seriously try it its ******* awesome
>gets firlgriend, and married her after 8 years of relationship.
>love her even when sometimes i ******* hate her because no much sex going on
>want kids so bad, tried to get one for 3 years in a row.
>get diagnosed with asthenospermia, get depressed
>stop worrying about it, start to eating well, do some excersice, ready to expend all the baby cushion money i have saved, get an expantion to the house, ps4, xbox one wiiu, travel the world, and spend a weekend on a beach hilton hotel with the wife -all included- matterss is awesome, get **** drunk ate like a ******* pig, spend all nigth ******* her, go to swim on the beach then on the pool then more drinks, then more ******* .
>matterss so awseome that buy the excat same brand/model with pillows and all, because awesome rest.
>we are all set and no longer depressed, because fate acceptance.
>ff 3 months she is expecting a baby boy.
>we are so ******* happy we could not believe it yet.
see the spoiler now**
#117 to #72
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akirafudo (09/23/2015) [-]
well is a national brand, here is the link in my country www.chaide.com//b2c/product.php?id_product=47&Itemid=124
#34 to #32
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platinumaltaria (09/22/2015) [-] I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU You are a lone man in a land of weebish singletons.
#88
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fridginator (09/23/2015) [-] But why the ducks? Is it because we love it? Cause yes, yes we do.
#131 to #93
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beforeyouknowit (09/23/2015) [-]
You're right. It's not so much of the father pushing his views onto her, he's simply saying "Here are all the other options too, but be what you want to be, just know you don't have to be that because of your gender." I hate when people read into this stuff like that, I wonder where the hell the dude got "I want you grow up as a lesbian" thought from this.....
#74
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cactusphalus (09/22/2015) [-] **cactusphalus used "*roll picture*"**
**cactusphalus rolled image**thanks to the internet I have a pretty good idea on how to raise a child even though I'm barely a virgin
I don't think things are in the right order here
**cactusphalus rolled image**thanks to the internet I have a pretty good idea on how to raise a child even though I'm barely a virgin
I don't think things are in the right order here
#62
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seriousvaluables (09/22/2015) [-] No aspect of parenthood seems marginally appealing to me. Perhaps its better I dont procreate anyways
#36
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lordbroldamort (09/22/2015) [-]
this is cool and all but is there one of these on how to raise non-duck babies?
