Douglas Adams.

The following are actual winning analogies in the "worst
analogies ever written in a high wheel essay" contest
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the
way a bowling ball wouldnt.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty
Bag filled with vegetable soup.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a
sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots
in the center.
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
T: uaw. quida 5 328 .' eh@ nng but gets
He was as tall as a tree.
Long separated by cruel fate, the lovers raced
across the grassy field toward each other like two freight
trains, one having left Cleveland at 6: 3 ppm traveling at 55
mph, the other from Topeka at 4: at a speed of 35 mph.
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after
the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can,
John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.