D&D Stories #9. uploading stories I collected feel free to post your own in the comments. Playing as with same 1“: in ear green plays like an my character {Lawf FJ DnD moose
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D&D Stories #9

D&D Stories #9. uploading stories I collected feel free to post your own in the comments. Playing as with same 1“: in ear green plays like an my character {Lawf

uploading stories I collected feel free to post your own in the comments

Tags: FJ | DnD | moose
Playing as with same
1“: in ear green plays like an
my character {Lawful him a mien hatee ' ?
and tells him in drink we detente a tight
Next tight aims eftir. ~ be same weird fey. fears half he party in
gm he birst mind.
lhm' guys, I got this ***** "
is a were mien
I asks he BM since he shares an This link with his {unease}
If l mgmt, ' be under he pollen?
it . hesitates mime answering yes
J: -Liesse begins in mgmt evil my mum
an in hit
achieved
begins prematurely in his am
mm when watering a muse modernize a giant evil fairy while a dwarf mils amend en he gound eun' I' ring... all because mun
...
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Views: 33570
Favorited: 73
Submitted: 07/11/2014
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Comments(140):

[ 140 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#2 - skorve (07/12/2014) [-]
Oh man, I got a good one.

>Be first campaign for me and a bunch of others
>No idea what we're doing
>After a bunch of ridiculous **** , we end up fighting a gigantic serpent
>Thousand feet tall, wants to destroy the world
>My priest friend attempts to throw me onto its back with Helping Hand
>Roll 1, fail so bad I lose the spell that allows me to walk on water while fighting
>Other friend rolling for 1 damage again and again, I'm trying to crawl up the thing's back, nobody's being useful
>The thing one-shots our highest damage dealer
>One friend loses hope and tries to run to a gigantic turtle he's decided to worship
>Gets eaten on his way, he spent about 4 turns doing no damage
>Everyone bitches him out, he says "as if my lack of damage mattered"

We all died and failed our first ever campaign. MFW world-eater lived with 1 health and our DM laughed his ass off
User avatar #19 to #2 - xsnowbanex (07/12/2014) [-]
do you play online?
User avatar #103 to #19 - skorve (07/12/2014) [-]
That campaign was in person, and every campaign since has been on roll20 (though a lot of us have been busy so they've been few and far between).
#15 - HSkieth (07/12/2014) [-]
**** yes, 3rd time i get to share my best dnd moment.
>Be me playing half-orc half dragon, ergo retard strength
>Roomate playing swashbuckling druid who knows more sea animals then people
>Party is under a spell in a giant ball room where if you dont follow the dance moves you take fatigue dmg and cant leave untill the spell is broken.
>Party is about to pass out before the swashbuckling druid and I come up with epic plan
>Next tempo rolls around, Retard strength dragons turn, he bows left, bows right, twirls left, picks up captin killion, throws him above most members in ball room.
>Captin killion the druid casts shape of whale. proceeds to deal 20d6 dmg in a 20x20 square.
>Rest of crowd furious with anger charges us with weapons drawn.
>Roll initiative, cue soon to be tpk
>Druid gets highest initiative, and casts spider climb to roll across the floor
>We killed 70 members at the ball room, 10 at the royal family table, the caster of the magical dance spell, and are other party member.
>Mfw the spell wasnt broken bye killing everything and we danced are selfs to death.
User avatar #60 to #15 - kingofants ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
You should use 'our' instead of 'are'. I know they sound the same but they do not mean the same. Thanks
User avatar #110 to #60 - HSkieth (07/12/2014) [-]
...... O how one grammatical error can ruin a good story.
User avatar #22 - LordRaymond ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
>Playing 3.5 with friends, roll Munod the Simple
>14 str, 16 con... 7 int; Munod is a Dwarven commoner
>Munod uses only a broom and his bare fists as weaponry
>Eventually, while fighting against a bunch of racist pseudo-nazis, party gets taken hostage.
>Held in a cell, get in prison fight which Munod wins by virtue of having all his feats be related to punching **** to death.
>Later down the line, get taken in front of the court and "sentenced' (even though we know we're gonna be executed).
>DM obviously planning chance to escape, hinting at our nation planning breakout.
> ************ .jpg
>We're all bound by wrist and ankle shackles. My turn, glance around a bit.

>"I roll to break my chains

>Natural 20
>Munod gives a mighty roar, snapping his wrist shackles.
>Forget about leg chains, faceplant when trying to escape.
>Guards are still stunned, manage to roll 18 to break leg shackles.
>Sprint to nearest window. Roll to break bars.
>With a mighty "MUNOD SMASH", slam apart the bars with a resounding punch.
>Tumble gracefully out the window, hide in a bale of hay and then murder a passing servant and steal his clothes.
>Fail disguise check anyway.
>End up barreling through three armed guards at the gate to the fort we're being held in, take multiple arrow wounds but survive with 2 hp.
>Party finds me in the forest, sleeping peacefully under a tree with several arrows still in my back.
Later on I got sold into slavery to a bunch of elves, but that's a whole different story.
#105 to #22 - ubermasterfaggot (07/12/2014) [-]
I want to read that story.
I want to read that story.
#18 - killakahn (07/12/2014) [-]
>d&d 3.5e (no clue what e is)
>Tomb of Horrors
>First time playing d&d
>DM makes everyone level 9 just for the Tomb of Horrors
>I am a Human Ranger
>Party of 5, including me
>Half Celestial Orc thing, 2 Elves, one rogue the other a cleric, and a gnome wizard
>We start, come across 3 possible entrances
>Clear a tunnel and head inside on entrance, with a large door at the end
>Gnome decides to cast open/close on door
>Ceiling collapses, we all fail our rolls and die instantly
>Session finished in 5 minutes while our DM laughs his ass off
User avatar #23 to #18 - zaywoot (07/12/2014) [-]
edition, the e stands for edition
User avatar #33 to #23 - killakahn (07/12/2014) [-]
ty friend
User avatar #24 to #18 - xxhadesflamesxx ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
e is for edition I think
#44 to #18 - twilightdusk (07/12/2014) [-]
Ah Tomb of Horrors, fun for the whole family.
User avatar #130 to #18 - Sabre (07/12/2014) [-]
Reminds me of a point in the same dungeon as the moose-rape where we get to this maze like thing and hear a voice go, "TIME TRIAL BEGINS!"

The paladin's god was Brodin, God of Lifting and Swoleness, so he immediately screams, "TIME TRIAL?!?! BRODIN FILL ME!!!!" And goes charging off. The rest of the group quickly decides to split in two, with half following the retarded man-child, while the other group did it's best to actually logic our way through. I figured that between a druid with scent, a rogue, and my blisteringly intelligent fighter/wizard, we'd easily beat the guy who was just choosing totally randomly every time he came to an intersection.

He made every god-damn turn perfectly. Our DM later told us he literally could not have made it out of there faster.

Meanwhile while we're stuck sniffing the air and leaving ourselves breadcrumbs, because naturally the maze shifted. Spent half an hour trying to get out, getting increasingly more and more pissed off.
User avatar #25 - sirbearington (07/12/2014) [-]
GROWL ROAR GROWL, GRR GRR. HRGRH HFFT GRRRR GROWL GROAR HFFT GROWLYROAR GRRRRN.
User avatar #126 to #25 - Sabre (07/12/2014) [-]
**Sabre rolls 14**
User avatar #127 to #126 - Sabre (07/12/2014) [-]
Another drink, Sir Bearington?
User avatar #26 to #25 - bearingtonbutler (07/12/2014) [-]
Indeed, sir. "If it works, it works. Just don't talk about it in mixed company."
User avatar #17 - criv (07/12/2014) [-]
Pathfinder
>I'm a Gnome Bard
>Lord Beauregard Cornelius Arenfield III
>My backstory is, basically, that I'm a despicable alcoholic (lost 7 years to binge blackout)
>I sometimes get very in character
>This particular session lasted 6 and a half hours
>For me, that entire day lasted only 6
>Top shelf whiskey is an expensive weakness to have
>After blacking out I am no longer criv
>I am Lord Beauregard incarnate
>The party is split, its just me and our thief
>we rock at perception and hear something coming
>Being half-conscious myself, He manages to grapple me and climb into a tree
>It's the final boss of the chapter, who we aren't supposed to be able to kill
>She straight ****** us last session
>Lord Beauregard wishes to rain righteous fury on this bitch
>"Have at thee, wench!"
>I fall out of the tree on her
>"Goddamnit Beauregard"
>Supposedly we won, I was napping in the bathroom at this point

tl;dr Create an alcoholic and really get in character, you will not regret it.
#27 - tsds ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
>Playing an Assassin    
> Finds a awesome talking blade (Zalco if you have the magical item list)   
> Sword talks   
> I'm an Otaku   
> DM makes the Sword a Tsundere so it never does my commands.
>Playing an Assassin
> Finds a awesome talking blade (Zalco if you have the magical item list)
> Sword talks
> I'm an Otaku
> DM makes the Sword a Tsundere so it never does my commands.
User avatar #29 to #27 - walcorn (07/12/2014) [-]
That's what you get for being a weeb faggot
#30 to #29 - tsds ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
Mmm you could say that; or I could say that I enjoy it and therefore if i'm enjoying it, why do I care for your useless brand, mortal?! ;D -- Weeaboo* Weeb just sounds ghey.
Mmm you could say that; or I could say that I enjoy it and therefore if i'm enjoying it, why do I care for your useless brand, mortal?! ;D -- Weeaboo* Weeb just sounds ghey.
User avatar #36 to #30 - misticalz ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
lol are you 12?
"Mortral" LMFAO
#88 to #36 - tsds ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
Take it a little less seriously; though to humor you - If you want to call someone young, you should at least type properly. Can we agree on that? At least make it look like you have an education instead of "lol are you 12?" "LMFAO"; I do give you credit though, it could be much worse and you could have typed "r u 12?" Which then I'd be going on a field day with this, either way - Take things less seriously, and as a last note. Mortal, not Mortral.
Take it a little less seriously; though to humor you - If you want to call someone young, you should at least type properly. Can we agree on that? At least make it look like you have an education instead of "lol are you 12?" "LMFAO"; I do give you credit though, it could be much worse and you could have typed "r u 12?" Which then I'd be going on a field day with this, either way - Take things less seriously, and as a last note. Mortal, not Mortral.
User avatar #90 to #88 - misticalz ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
We are on the internet cunt, I can type with all the illiteracy I want.
#95 to #90 - tsds ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
"We are on the internet cunt, I can type with all the illiteracy I want." And yet I can't make a bad joke using "mortal." Please take a breather from the internet for a second.. You seem a bit mad.
"We are on the internet cunt, I can type with all the illiteracy I want." And yet I can't make a bad joke using "mortal." Please take a breather from the internet for a second.. You seem a bit mad.
#101 to #95 - Rascal (07/12/2014) [-]
<-mfw I'm on the internet these days
User avatar #104 to #95 - misticalz ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
it clearly wasnt a joke, autist
#106 to #104 - tsds ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
Artist.*
Obviously your going to try and use a sarcastic "You know what I meant." But what if... I didn't know what you meant? Like you didn't interpret it to be a joke. - You must be boring at parties, when someone says a joke you didn't pick up on you would state "Clearly that wasn't a joke." I'll be hoping that offline you can take them a bit easier - However, you might reply to that with "It's online, it's hard to tell if it's a joke or not." Even so, that would only support me more - Unfortunately I think your just going to stick to the "Rawr look at me rage and insult you!" Tree like it was an MMO talent build being the last ability you get from the tree is "Looking like a pleb"
Pic is only related to "artist' seeing as manga have artist.
#125 to #106 - Sabre (07/12/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #31 to #30 - walcorn (07/12/2014) [-]
> Mortal

oh wow we got an edgy one here
#34 to #31 - mapleknight (07/12/2014) [-]
**** , **** , sorry. What? Am I late?
#32 to #31 - tsds ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
Look at this edge, 100% Japanese.
#53 - Rvalldrgg (07/12/2014) [-]
I'll attempt to relay this tale of my first time playing Descent It's going to be terrible. Me relaying the story, not the story itself.

Descent
>Party of 4, 5 if you include the DM
>I'm an orc or some **** , the others a mix of human/dwarf/elves
>Depart from town to dungeon, located in a well below the town
>All going good for a while, a few monster battles, a few wall spikes
>Suddenly, DM announces a large host of creatures can be heard down a hallway to the right and around a corner
>Everyone decides I should go take them on, because beginner's luck or something
I think my character had berserk or some ability that let me take on as many mobs as I wanted to at one time
>DM gets a little nervous about this, says there's many obstacles between me and the mob of mobs
>I roll 20 after 20 after 20, dodging these obstacles, mainly bottomless pits
>The very last bottomless pit I come to before I beat the **** in of these mobs, I roll
>1
>Critical Failure
>I fall into the hole amid everyone at the table losing their **** , after which they sum up my first time playing Descent as:

A surprisingly agile Orc jumps over bottomless pit after bottomless pit, only to trip over a pebble and swan dive into the final pit before he was able to save the entire party from thirty or so flying beasts.

MFW critical fail
#8 - barstoolninja (07/12/2014) [-]
>playing D&D for first time, not sure which version
>be half orc rouge, chaotic neutral alignment
>DM and party visibly annoyed because I was ******* around with my character sheet(for size I put 12 inch dick, put points in diplomacy despite protests, insisted on being half bear, etc)
>leave tavern to begin quest, flip over every table on way to door
>go piss in town well
>town constable comes to stop me
>roll for diplomacy, critical failure
>DM: "You tell her to piss off or you'll rip out her entrails. It doesn't work"
>constable tries to arrest me
>inform her of my 12 inch dick
>get arrested
>rest of party has to try and get me out
>finally released
>flip over table in town jail on way out
#9 to #8 - barstoolninja (07/12/2014) [-]
Continued:
>finally reach dungeon
>party trying to advance carefully
>nah, son I ain't having that ****
>kick down every door before they can search for traps
>enemies appear
>grab party mage and throw him at enemy
>roll natural 20
>kill the enemy
>continue adventure, kicking down doors all the way, occasionally mixing it up by throwing **** at them, making sure the traps got triggered.
>at one point, I whacked an enemy in the face with my dick just because I could
>eventually find person or something in dungeon
>DM is making it a point that this thing is important
>constantly roll for diplomacy and fail just to **** with party
>we get nowhere, eventually they get sick of my antics and decide to call it quits for the night.
>never get invited to play again.
#10 to #9 - Rascal (07/12/2014) [-]
>at one point, I whacked an enemy in the face with my dick just because I could

Did you roll for damage?
#107 to #10 - barstoolninja (07/12/2014) [-]
yes.
#136 to #107 - Rascal (07/13/2014) [-]
And? Did you cleave off the enemy's face with it?
#137 to #136 - barstoolninja (07/13/2014) [-]
No, but I did injure it.
#138 to #137 - Rascal (07/13/2014) [-]
Too bad. It would've been awesome.

>"I attack my enemy with my 12 inch penis."
>rolling for a hit
>natural 20
>roll d4 for damage
>2 x 4 (since it's 20) + additional damage from you're STR modifier
>let's assume the enemy is down to 2 HP just for fun
>DM: "You decapitated you're enemy with you're dick."
>dicksofsteel.bmp
#139 to #138 - Rascal (07/13/2014) [-]
*you're *you're *you're

I'm ashamed now.
#28 to #9 - Rascal (07/12/2014) [-]
>rouge

I can see why
#3 - qun (07/12/2014) [-]
d&d story
>i'm a dwarf fighter
>fight a ************* orc chieftain
>almost kills me
>manage to kill it while in a red
>pat the little gnome ally over the head like a good pet
>rip off the head of the orc chieftain and dance with it like a mad raving tribal jackass with more downs than an elevator
>party looks at me like "the hell is he on"
> i yell at them "I'M A ******* CHAOTIC NEUTRAL I DO WHAT I WANT"
>mfw dm accepts it
#131 to #3 - Sabre (07/12/2014) [-]
My kind of ************ . That LE dwarf fighter was one of my favourite characters ever.
User avatar #4 to #3 - slandersalamander (07/12/2014) [-]
>I'M A ******* CHAOTIC NEUTRAL I DO WHAT I WANT

You are a bad roleplayer.
User avatar #5 to #4 - qun (07/12/2014) [-]
you should see me walk into walk into a town and kick a villager in the shin and the dm tells me to roll for it
User avatar #6 to #5 - slandersalamander (07/12/2014) [-]
should I repeat myself?
User avatar #7 to #6 - qun (07/12/2014) [-]
yes actually, i had a whole story lined up all eventually pointing to the fact that this one story has no basis on my playing and was to point out a fun time i had while gaming
#89 - fourohforum (07/12/2014) [-]
&gt;Be DM for epic campaign.   
&gt;Annoying guy wants to join campaign.   
&gt;refuse   
&gt;campaign ends   
&gt;decide to give annoying guy a break. make new campaign just for him   
&gt;first comes across big party of orcs.   
&gt;burns their tents, steals their stuff, and runs.   
&gt;he wants to rule the entire continent he's on.   
&gt;takes over town with a handful of helpers   
&gt;convinces some orcs to help him take over town.   
&gt;barricades his new town and steals random stuff from everywhere.   
&gt;Thinks he's the best around, killing dozens of unarmed NPC's.   
&gt;Thoroughly irritated I send the players from last campaign on a quest to kill him.   
&gt;They arrive. All are twice his level and could one-shot kill him.   
&gt;One player tells everyone to stop, talks to orcs and tells them about the orc camp the player killed like a douche.   
&gt;mfw orcs take him away to kill him on their own violent torture terms.
>Be DM for epic campaign.
>Annoying guy wants to join campaign.
>refuse
>campaign ends
>decide to give annoying guy a break. make new campaign just for him
>first comes across big party of orcs.
>burns their tents, steals their stuff, and runs.
>he wants to rule the entire continent he's on.
>takes over town with a handful of helpers
>convinces some orcs to help him take over town.
>barricades his new town and steals random stuff from everywhere.
>Thinks he's the best around, killing dozens of unarmed NPC's.
>Thoroughly irritated I send the players from last campaign on a quest to kill him.
>They arrive. All are twice his level and could one-shot kill him.
>One player tells everyone to stop, talks to orcs and tells them about the orc camp the player killed like a douche.
>mfw orcs take him away to kill him on their own violent torture terms.
#11 - Rascal (07/12/2014) [-]
I have no idea what are you talking about. Is that a video game? A cardboard game? Then how comes someone is "ejaculating" and so on?.. Is it, like, drawn on pieces of paper, that rare case when **** like that actually happens?.. Or you just made up the whole story (which sounds uber-autistic)? Google tell that D&D is just a set of rules for RPGs, nothing about masturbating dwarfs.
User avatar #13 to #11 - redstonealchemist (07/12/2014) [-]
it's story based. the DM or GM controls the story and has to be fair, as a result players often prank each other. specific points of it can get very deep such as you have to behave as your character keeping in mind their personality, etc but don't be a total dick to other players
#16 to #11 - norkas (07/12/2014) [-]
>has never heard of DnD

commit sudoku
#140 - Rascal (09/22/2014) [-]
That wasn't very lawful
User avatar #116 - Sabre (07/12/2014) [-]
Showing the people involved that we're now reposted content. Funny feeling.
User avatar #117 to #116 - Sabre (07/12/2014) [-]
The paladin: "THE LEGEND LIVES ON!"
#114 - Sabre (07/12/2014) [-]
My girlfriend, playing a druid, flaming sphere'd the thing and managed to set the whole room alight, while I'm flailing away at it with my halberd. When we finally finished the pyro-beastiality-gore fight, we all sorta looked at each other and were like, &quot;That's enough for today.&quot; We went and found some place to hole up in the dungeon and sleep to end our game for that week.   
   
Next session starts with our GM saying, &quot;You awake to the smell of smoke and the faint crackling of flames.&quot; And then we realized that none of us had bothered to put out the fires.   
   
So that's the story of how we accidentally burned down our GMs first dungeon before seeing more than 1/4th of it.
My girlfriend, playing a druid, flaming sphere'd the thing and managed to set the whole room alight, while I'm flailing away at it with my halberd. When we finally finished the pyro-beastiality-gore fight, we all sorta looked at each other and were like, "That's enough for today." We went and found some place to hole up in the dungeon and sleep to end our game for that week.

Next session starts with our GM saying, "You awake to the smell of smoke and the faint crackling of flames." And then we realized that none of us had bothered to put out the fires.

So that's the story of how we accidentally burned down our GMs first dungeon before seeing more than 1/4th of it.
#73 - machtung (07/12/2014) [-]
Well I know what I'm doing in my next campaign
Well I know what I'm doing in my next campaign
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#120 to #73 - Sabre has deleted their comment [-]
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#121 to #73 - Sabre has deleted their comment [-]
#122 to #73 - Sabre (07/12/2014) [-]
you're welcome.   
   
(Comments deleted because 			*******		 addy's making my inner Grammarnazi VERY angry.)
you're welcome.

(Comments deleted because ******* addy's making my inner Grammarnazi VERY angry.)
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#63 - imagnetsux has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #61 - imagnetsux ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
this game may be a lot more interesting than I originally thought.
User avatar #62 to #61 - xxhadesflamesxx ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
it depends on the DM and party from what i can tell and it also depends on you're imagination a lot
User avatar #64 to #62 - imagnetsux ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
my big tittied mommy changed your and you're, just use them backwards.
User avatar #65 to #64 - imagnetsux ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
or use ur.
User avatar #66 to #65 - shreddednation (07/12/2014) [-]
so you're telling the truth then?
I think I'll just use your from now on then.
cuz' my big tittied mommy prolly still hasn't learned you can filter break by adding a cap.
User avatar #69 to #66 - shreddednation (07/12/2014) [-]
God damn it, he learned of the caps trick! Oh noez!
He actually did put in accoun of of caps at the start of said name so let's do a test shall we?
your
your
if atleast one of those works that means it doesn't pick up on cas as being the same letter as the owercase.
User avatar #67 to #66 - imagnetsux ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
let's see if your right
User avatar #68 to #67 - imagnetsux ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
nope, you're trick doesn't work
User avatar #70 to #68 - shreddednation (07/12/2014) [-]
Hm.. It worked a bit of time ago but let's test
you ' re
yo-u 're
Admun
my big tittied mommyge
Adcunt
I'm sure the admoon variants will work and so will the you're/your variations work.
User avatar #71 to #70 - imagnetsux ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
im just going to make an exception to my rule of never ever ever using "txt tlk".
User avatar #72 to #71 - shreddednation (07/12/2014) [-]
Yup. Same here.
#56 - keltainenlumi (07/12/2014) [-]
D&D stories!
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