D&D Stories #9. uploading stories I collected feel free to post your own in the comments. Playing as with same 1“: in ear green plays like an my character {Lawf
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D&D Stories #9

uploading stories I collected feel free to post your own in the comments

Tags: FJ | DnD | moose
Playing as with same
1“: in ear green plays like an
my character {Lawful him a mien hatee ' ?
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gm he birst mind.
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is a were mien
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If l mgmt, ' be under he pollen?
it . hesitates mime answering yes
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an in hit
achieved
begins prematurely in his am
mm when watering a muse modernize a giant evil fairy while a dwarf mils amend en he gound eun' I' ring... all because mun
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+729
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Favorited: 73
Submitted: 07/11/2014
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#2 - skorve (07/12/2014) [+] (2 replies)
Oh man, I got a good one.

>Be first campaign for me and a bunch of others
>No idea what we're doing
>After a bunch of ridiculous **** , we end up fighting a gigantic serpent
>Thousand feet tall, wants to destroy the world
>My priest friend attempts to throw me onto its back with Helping Hand
>Roll 1, fail so bad I lose the spell that allows me to walk on water while fighting
>Other friend rolling for 1 damage again and again, I'm trying to crawl up the thing's back, nobody's being useful
>The thing one-shots our highest damage dealer
>One friend loses hope and tries to run to a gigantic turtle he's decided to worship
>Gets eaten on his way, he spent about 4 turns doing no damage
>Everyone bitches him out, he says "as if my lack of damage mattered"

We all died and failed our first ever campaign. MFW world-eater lived with 1 health and our DM laughed his ass off
#18 - killakahn (07/12/2014) [+] (5 replies)
>d&d 3.5e (no clue what e is)
>Tomb of Horrors
>First time playing d&d
>DM makes everyone level 9 just for the Tomb of Horrors
>I am a Human Ranger
>Party of 5, including me
>Half Celestial Orc thing, 2 Elves, one rogue the other a cleric, and a gnome wizard
>We start, come across 3 possible entrances
>Clear a tunnel and head inside on entrance, with a large door at the end
>Gnome decides to cast open/close on door
>Ceiling collapses, we all fail our rolls and die instantly
>Session finished in 5 minutes while our DM laughs his ass off
#15 - HSkieth (07/12/2014) [+] (2 replies)
**** yes, 3rd time i get to share my best dnd moment.
>Be me playing half-orc half dragon, ergo retard strength
>Roomate playing swashbuckling druid who knows more sea animals then people
>Party is under a spell in a giant ball room where if you dont follow the dance moves you take fatigue dmg and cant leave untill the spell is broken.
>Party is about to pass out before the swashbuckling druid and I come up with epic plan
>Next tempo rolls around, Retard strength dragons turn, he bows left, bows right, twirls left, picks up captin killion, throws him above most members in ball room.
>Captin killion the druid casts shape of whale. proceeds to deal 20d6 dmg in a 20x20 square.
>Rest of crowd furious with anger charges us with weapons drawn.
>Roll initiative, cue soon to be tpk
>Druid gets highest initiative, and casts spider climb to roll across the floor
>We killed 70 members at the ball room, 10 at the royal family table, the caster of the magical dance spell, and are other party member.
>Mfw the spell wasnt broken bye killing everything and we danced are selfs to death.
User avatar #25 - sirbearington (07/12/2014) [+] (3 replies)
GROWL ROAR GROWL, GRR GRR. HRGRH HFFT GRRRR GROWL GROAR HFFT GROWLYROAR GRRRRN.
User avatar #22 - LordRaymond (07/12/2014) [+] (1 reply)
>Playing 3.5 with friends, roll Munod the Simple
>14 str, 16 con... 7 int; Munod is a Dwarven commoner
>Munod uses only a broom and his bare fists as weaponry
>Eventually, while fighting against a bunch of racist pseudo-nazis, party gets taken hostage.
>Held in a cell, get in prison fight which Munod wins by virtue of having all his feats be related to punching **** to death.
>Later down the line, get taken in front of the court and "sentenced' (even though we know we're gonna be executed).
>DM obviously planning chance to escape, hinting at our nation planning breakout.
> ************ .jpg
>We're all bound by wrist and ankle shackles. My turn, glance around a bit.

>"I roll to break my chains

>Natural 20
>Munod gives a mighty roar, snapping his wrist shackles.
>Forget about leg chains, faceplant when trying to escape.
>Guards are still stunned, manage to roll 18 to break leg shackles.
>Sprint to nearest window. Roll to break bars.
>With a mighty "MUNOD SMASH", slam apart the bars with a resounding punch.
>Tumble gracefully out the window, hide in a bale of hay and then murder a passing servant and steal his clothes.
>Fail disguise check anyway.
>End up barreling through three armed guards at the gate to the fort we're being held in, take multiple arrow wounds but survive with 2 hp.
>Party finds me in the forest, sleeping peacefully under a tree with several arrows still in my back.
Later on I got sold into slavery to a bunch of elves, but that's a whole different story.
#27 - tsds (07/12/2014) [+] (13 replies)
>Playing an Assassin    
> Finds a awesome talking blade (Zalco if you have the magical item list)   
> Sword talks   
> I'm an Otaku   
> DM makes the Sword a Tsundere so it never does my commands.
>Playing an Assassin
> Finds a awesome talking blade (Zalco if you have the magical item list)
> Sword talks
> I'm an Otaku
> DM makes the Sword a Tsundere so it never does my commands.
#3 - qun (07/12/2014) [+] (5 replies)
d&d story
>i'm a dwarf fighter
>fight a ************* orc chieftain
>almost kills me
>manage to kill it while in a red
>pat the little gnome ally over the head like a good pet
>rip off the head of the orc chieftain and dance with it like a mad raving tribal jackass with more downs than an elevator
>party looks at me like "the hell is he on"
> i yell at them "I'M A ******* CHAOTIC NEUTRAL I DO WHAT I WANT"
>mfw dm accepts it
User avatar #17 - criv (07/12/2014) [-]
Pathfinder
>I'm a Gnome Bard
>Lord Beauregard Cornelius Arenfield III
>My backstory is, basically, that I'm a despicable alcoholic (lost 7 years to binge blackout)
>I sometimes get very in character
>This particular session lasted 6 and a half hours
>For me, that entire day lasted only 6
>Top shelf whiskey is an expensive weakness to have
>After blacking out I am no longer criv
>I am Lord Beauregard incarnate
>The party is split, its just me and our thief
>we rock at perception and hear something coming
>Being half-conscious myself, He manages to grapple me and climb into a tree
>It's the final boss of the chapter, who we aren't supposed to be able to kill
>She straight ****** us last session
>Lord Beauregard wishes to rain righteous fury on this bitch
>"Have at thee, wench!"
>I fall out of the tree on her
>"Goddamnit Beauregard"
>Supposedly we won, I was napping in the bathroom at this point

tl;dr Create an alcoholic and really get in character, you will not regret it.
#8 - barstoolninja (07/12/2014) [+] (8 replies)
>playing D&D for first time, not sure which version
>be half orc rouge, chaotic neutral alignment
>DM and party visibly annoyed because I was ******* around with my character sheet(for size I put 12 inch dick, put points in diplomacy despite protests, insisted on being half bear, etc)
>leave tavern to begin quest, flip over every table on way to door
>go piss in town well
>town constable comes to stop me
>roll for diplomacy, critical failure
>DM: "You tell her to piss off or you'll rip out her entrails. It doesn't work"
>constable tries to arrest me
>inform her of my 12 inch dick
>get arrested
>rest of party has to try and get me out
>finally released
>flip over table in town jail on way out
#10 to #9 - xxxsonic fanxxx (07/12/2014) [-]
>at one point, I whacked an enemy in the face with my dick just because I could

Did you roll for damage?
#11 - xxxsonic fanxxx (07/12/2014) [+] (2 replies)
I have no idea what are you talking about. Is that a video game? A cardboard game? Then how comes someone is "ejaculating" and so on?.. Is it, like, drawn on pieces of paper, that rare case when **** like that actually happens?.. Or you just made up the whole story (which sounds uber-autistic)? Google tell that D&D is just a set of rules for RPGs, nothing about masturbating dwarfs.
#16 to #11 - norkas (07/12/2014) [-]
>has never heard of DnD

commit sudoku
#53 - Rvalldrgg (07/12/2014) [-]
I'll attempt to relay this tale of my first time playing Descent It's going to be terrible. Me relaying the story, not the story itself.

Descent
>Party of 4, 5 if you include the DM
>I'm an orc or some **** , the others a mix of human/dwarf/elves
>Depart from town to dungeon, located in a well below the town
>All going good for a while, a few monster battles, a few wall spikes
>Suddenly, DM announces a large host of creatures can be heard down a hallway to the right and around a corner
>Everyone decides I should go take them on, because beginner's luck or something
I think my character had berserk or some ability that let me take on as many mobs as I wanted to at one time
>DM gets a little nervous about this, says there's many obstacles between me and the mob of mobs
>I roll 20 after 20 after 20, dodging these obstacles, mainly bottomless pits
>The very last bottomless pit I come to before I beat the **** in of these mobs, I roll
>1
>Critical Failure
>I fall into the hole amid everyone at the table losing their **** , after which they sum up my first time playing Descent as:

A surprisingly agile Orc jumps over bottomless pit after bottomless pit, only to trip over a pebble and swan dive into the final pit before he was able to save the entire party from thirty or so flying beasts.

MFW critical fail
User avatar #40 - torchrose (07/12/2014) [+] (3 replies)
>playing GURPS with friends online (GURPS is like DnD but not)
>Campaign starts
>My character + other guy's robbing caravan of everyone else
>roll to throw an axe at the guard
>fail, axe hits the carriage
>charge with sword
>fail, miss
>bard goes to attack me
>roll for block
>fail, get smacked
>swing at bodyguard
>critical fail, trip and hit my head on a rock
>Pass out, get tied up and thrown in the back of the carriage
>partner had incredibly low intelligence so caravan people convinced him to stop fighting them
And that's how I became a failure in my first campaign. I ended up being the most hated person in that group (In the game, not IRL), but was also the main hitter so they had to keep me around
User avatar #43 to #42 - torchrose (07/12/2014) [-]
>We get to city
>decide we're going to split up and have smaller campaigns until the next time everyone can get together
>I end up DMing for Valen
>he goes into a pub
>Ends up getting into an argument with another guy
>rolls to cast spark to light this guy on fire
>succeeds
>Many rolls by pub patrons to notice him setting the guy on fire
>all fail
>Roll to notice him on fire at all
>all fail
>guy burns to death while nobody notices
>Valen rolls to drag his body from the pub
>Succeeds, starts dragging body down the street with pub goers not noticing
>decides to dump the body in a well
>make him roll every time he passes someone for them to notice
>7 people pass by
>all fail perception check
>successfully sets a guy on fire in a bar, drags him down a street, and dumps him in a well while about 30 people go about their business without noticing

And that was the last time I DM'd for anyone
#89 - fourohforum (07/12/2014) [-]
>Be DM for epic campaign.   
>Annoying guy wants to join campaign.   
>refuse   
>campaign ends   
>decide to give annoying guy a break. make new campaign just for him   
>first comes across big party of orcs.   
>burns their tents, steals their stuff, and runs.   
>he wants to rule the entire continent he's on.   
>takes over town with a handful of helpers   
>convinces some orcs to help him take over town.   
>barricades his new town and steals random stuff from everywhere.   
>Thinks he's the best around, killing dozens of unarmed NPC's.   
>Thoroughly irritated I send the players from last campaign on a quest to kill him.   
>They arrive. All are twice his level and could one-shot kill him.   
>One player tells everyone to stop, talks to orcs and tells them about the orc camp the player killed like a douche.   
>mfw orcs take him away to kill him on their own violent torture terms.
>Be DM for epic campaign.
>Annoying guy wants to join campaign.
>refuse
>campaign ends
>decide to give annoying guy a break. make new campaign just for him
>first comes across big party of orcs.
>burns their tents, steals their stuff, and runs.
>he wants to rule the entire continent he's on.
>takes over town with a handful of helpers
>convinces some orcs to help him take over town.
>barricades his new town and steals random stuff from everywhere.
>Thinks he's the best around, killing dozens of unarmed NPC's.
>Thoroughly irritated I send the players from last campaign on a quest to kill him.
>They arrive. All are twice his level and could one-shot kill him.
>One player tells everyone to stop, talks to orcs and tells them about the orc camp the player killed like a douche.
>mfw orcs take him away to kill him on their own violent torture terms.
#76 - doubleac (07/12/2014) [+] (9 replies)
Dungeons and Dragons? Is that what D&D is? at the risk of sounding dumb, I ask this.
User avatar #119 to #84 - Sabre ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
If you can manage it, play in person, not online. More fun that way. Also, you need someone willing to DM, which is a lot like having an extra job and a lot less like playing.
#73 - machtung (07/12/2014) [+] (3 replies)
Well I know what I'm doing in my next campaign
Well I know what I'm doing in my next campaign
#122 to #73 - Sabre ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
you're welcome.   
   
(Comments deleted because 						*******					 addy's making my inner Grammarnazi VERY angry.)
you're welcome.

(Comments deleted because ******* addy's making my inner Grammarnazi VERY angry.)
User avatar #47 - AllanLancebricole (07/12/2014) [+] (6 replies)
Don't mean to be the annoying guy, but I have a question. As a paladin can detect evil... How come you were still in the group, alive ?
User avatar #112 to #47 - Sabre ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
"Paladin" was an oversimplification; he was a lawful neutral champion of the god Brodin. Our GM gave him a lot of leeway because it was his first character; he played like a moron most of the time. The only reason I didn't try to kill him in his sleep was A) We were both dwarves and B) He was really easy to manipulate, often for hilarious results.
#45 - soldiertwo (07/12/2014) [+] (14 replies)
can you actual do sexual stuf in this game?
#108 to #58 - soldiertwo (07/12/2014) [-]
oh its not a video game.
User avatar #61 - imagnetsux (07/12/2014) [+] (10 replies)
this game may be a lot more interesting than I originally thought.
#56 - keltainenlumi (07/12/2014) [-]
D&D stories!
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