D&D Stories #9. uploading stories I collected feel free to post your own in the comments. Playing as with same 1“: in ear green plays like an my character {Lawf FJ DnD moose
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D&D Stories #9

uploading stories I collected feel free to post your own in the comments

Tags: FJ | DnD | moose
Playing as with same
1“: in ear green plays like an
my character {Lawful him a mien hatee ' ?
and tells him in drink we detente a tight
Next tight aims eftir. ~ be same weird fey. fears half he party in
gm he birst mind.
lhm' guys, I got this ***** "
is a were mien
I asks he BM since he shares an This link with his {unease}
If l mgmt, ' be under he pollen?
it . hesitates mime answering yes
J: -Liesse begins in mgmt evil my mum
an in hit
achieved
begins prematurely in his am
mm when watering a muse modernize a giant evil fairy while a dwarf mils amend en he gound eun' I' ring... all because mun
...
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#2 - skorve (07/12/2014) [+] (2 replies)
Oh man, I got a good one.

>Be first campaign for me and a bunch of others
>No idea what we're doing
>After a bunch of ridiculous **** , we end up fighting a gigantic serpent
>Thousand feet tall, wants to destroy the world
>My priest friend attempts to throw me onto its back with Helping Hand
>Roll 1, fail so bad I lose the spell that allows me to walk on water while fighting
>Other friend rolling for 1 damage again and again, I'm trying to crawl up the thing's back, nobody's being useful
>The thing one-shots our highest damage dealer
>One friend loses hope and tries to run to a gigantic turtle he's decided to worship
>Gets eaten on his way, he spent about 4 turns doing no damage
>Everyone bitches him out, he says "as if my lack of damage mattered"

We all died and failed our first ever campaign. MFW world-eater lived with 1 health and our DM laughed his ass off
#18 - killakahn (07/12/2014) [+] (5 replies)
>d&d 3.5e (no clue what e is)
>Tomb of Horrors
>First time playing d&d
>DM makes everyone level 9 just for the Tomb of Horrors
>I am a Human Ranger
>Party of 5, including me
>Half Celestial Orc thing, 2 Elves, one rogue the other a cleric, and a gnome wizard
>We start, come across 3 possible entrances
>Clear a tunnel and head inside on entrance, with a large door at the end
>Gnome decides to cast open/close on door
>Ceiling collapses, we all fail our rolls and die instantly
>Session finished in 5 minutes while our DM laughs his ass off
#15 - HSkieth (07/12/2014) [+] (2 replies)
**** yes, 3rd time i get to share my best dnd moment.
>Be me playing half-orc half dragon, ergo retard strength
>Roomate playing swashbuckling druid who knows more sea animals then people
>Party is under a spell in a giant ball room where if you dont follow the dance moves you take fatigue dmg and cant leave untill the spell is broken.
>Party is about to pass out before the swashbuckling druid and I come up with epic plan
>Next tempo rolls around, Retard strength dragons turn, he bows left, bows right, twirls left, picks up captin killion, throws him above most members in ball room.
>Captin killion the druid casts shape of whale. proceeds to deal 20d6 dmg in a 20x20 square.
>Rest of crowd furious with anger charges us with weapons drawn.
>Roll initiative, cue soon to be tpk
>Druid gets highest initiative, and casts spider climb to roll across the floor
>We killed 70 members at the ball room, 10 at the royal family table, the caster of the magical dance spell, and are other party member.
>Mfw the spell wasnt broken bye killing everything and we danced are selfs to death.
User avatar #25 - sirbearington (07/12/2014) [+] (3 replies)
GROWL ROAR GROWL, GRR GRR. HRGRH HFFT GRRRR GROWL GROAR HFFT GROWLYROAR GRRRRN.
User avatar #22 - LordRaymond (07/12/2014) [+] (1 reply)
>Playing 3.5 with friends, roll Munod the Simple
>14 str, 16 con... 7 int; Munod is a Dwarven commoner
>Munod uses only a broom and his bare fists as weaponry
>Eventually, while fighting against a bunch of racist pseudo-nazis, party gets taken hostage.
>Held in a cell, get in prison fight which Munod wins by virtue of having all his feats be related to punching **** to death.
>Later down the line, get taken in front of the court and "sentenced' (even though we know we're gonna be executed).
>DM obviously planning chance to escape, hinting at our nation planning breakout.
> ************ .jpg
>We're all bound by wrist and ankle shackles. My turn, glance around a bit.

>"I roll to break my chains

>Natural 20
>Munod gives a mighty roar, snapping his wrist shackles.
>Forget about leg chains, faceplant when trying to escape.
>Guards are still stunned, manage to roll 18 to break leg shackles.
>Sprint to nearest window. Roll to break bars.
>With a mighty "MUNOD SMASH", slam apart the bars with a resounding punch.
>Tumble gracefully out the window, hide in a bale of hay and then murder a passing servant and steal his clothes.
>Fail disguise check anyway.
>End up barreling through three armed guards at the gate to the fort we're being held in, take multiple arrow wounds but survive with 2 hp.
>Party finds me in the forest, sleeping peacefully under a tree with several arrows still in my back.
Later on I got sold into slavery to a bunch of elves, but that's a whole different story.
#27 - tsds (07/12/2014) [+] (13 replies)
>Playing an Assassin    
> Finds a awesome talking blade (Zalco if you have the magical item list)   
> Sword talks   
> I'm an Otaku   
> DM makes the Sword a Tsundere so it never does my commands.
>Playing an Assassin
> Finds a awesome talking blade (Zalco if you have the magical item list)
> Sword talks
> I'm an Otaku
> DM makes the Sword a Tsundere so it never does my commands.
#3 - qun (07/12/2014) [+] (5 replies)
d&d story
>i'm a dwarf fighter
>fight a ************* orc chieftain
>almost kills me
>manage to kill it while in a red
>pat the little gnome ally over the head like a good pet
>rip off the head of the orc chieftain and dance with it like a mad raving tribal jackass with more downs than an elevator
>party looks at me like "the hell is he on"
> i yell at them "I'M A ******* CHAOTIC NEUTRAL I DO WHAT I WANT"
>mfw dm accepts it
User avatar #17 - criv (07/12/2014) [-]
Pathfinder
>I'm a Gnome Bard
>Lord Beauregard Cornelius Arenfield III
>My backstory is, basically, that I'm a despicable alcoholic (lost 7 years to binge blackout)
>I sometimes get very in character
>This particular session lasted 6 and a half hours
>For me, that entire day lasted only 6
>Top shelf whiskey is an expensive weakness to have
>After blacking out I am no longer criv
>I am Lord Beauregard incarnate
>The party is split, its just me and our thief
>we rock at perception and hear something coming
>Being half-conscious myself, He manages to grapple me and climb into a tree
>It's the final boss of the chapter, who we aren't supposed to be able to kill
>She straight ****** us last session
>Lord Beauregard wishes to rain righteous fury on this bitch
>"Have at thee, wench!"
>I fall out of the tree on her
>"Goddamnit Beauregard"
>Supposedly we won, I was napping in the bathroom at this point

tl;dr Create an alcoholic and really get in character, you will not regret it.
#8 - barstoolninja (07/12/2014) [+] (8 replies)
>playing D&D for first time, not sure which version
>be half orc rouge, chaotic neutral alignment
>DM and party visibly annoyed because I was ******* around with my character sheet(for size I put 12 inch dick, put points in diplomacy despite protests, insisted on being half bear, etc)
>leave tavern to begin quest, flip over every table on way to door
>go piss in town well
>town constable comes to stop me
>roll for diplomacy, critical failure
>DM: "You tell her to piss off or you'll rip out her entrails. It doesn't work"
>constable tries to arrest me
>inform her of my 12 inch dick
>get arrested
>rest of party has to try and get me out
>finally released
>flip over table in town jail on way out
#11 - anonymous (07/12/2014) [+] (2 replies)
I have no idea what are you talking about. Is that a video game? A cardboard game? Then how comes someone is "ejaculating" and so on?.. Is it, like, drawn on pieces of paper, that rare case when **** like that actually happens?.. Or you just made up the whole story (which sounds uber-autistic)? Google tell that D&D is just a set of rules for RPGs, nothing about masturbating dwarfs.
#16 to #11 - norkas (07/12/2014) [-]
>has never heard of DnD

commit sudoku
#53 - Rvalldrgg (07/12/2014) [-]
I'll attempt to relay this tale of my first time playing Descent It's going to be terrible. Me relaying the story, not the story itself.

Descent
>Party of 4, 5 if you include the DM
>I'm an orc or some **** , the others a mix of human/dwarf/elves
>Depart from town to dungeon, located in a well below the town
>All going good for a while, a few monster battles, a few wall spikes
>Suddenly, DM announces a large host of creatures can be heard down a hallway to the right and around a corner
>Everyone decides I should go take them on, because beginner's luck or something
I think my character had berserk or some ability that let me take on as many mobs as I wanted to at one time
>DM gets a little nervous about this, says there's many obstacles between me and the mob of mobs
>I roll 20 after 20 after 20, dodging these obstacles, mainly bottomless pits
>The very last bottomless pit I come to before I beat the **** in of these mobs, I roll
>1
>Critical Failure
>I fall into the hole amid everyone at the table losing their **** , after which they sum up my first time playing Descent as:

A surprisingly agile Orc jumps over bottomless pit after bottomless pit, only to trip over a pebble and swan dive into the final pit before he was able to save the entire party from thirty or so flying beasts.

MFW critical fail
#89 - fourohforum (07/12/2014) [-]
>Be DM for epic campaign.   
>Annoying guy wants to join campaign.   
>refuse   
>campaign ends   
>decide to give annoying guy a break. make new campaign just for him   
>first comes across big party of orcs.   
>burns their tents, steals their stuff, and runs.   
>he wants to rule the entire continent he's on.   
>takes over town with a handful of helpers   
>convinces some orcs to help him take over town.   
>barricades his new town and steals random stuff from everywhere.   
>Thinks he's the best around, killing dozens of unarmed NPC's.   
>Thoroughly irritated I send the players from last campaign on a quest to kill him.   
>They arrive. All are twice his level and could one-shot kill him.   
>One player tells everyone to stop, talks to orcs and tells them about the orc camp the player killed like a douche.   
>mfw orcs take him away to kill him on their own violent torture terms.
>Be DM for epic campaign.
>Annoying guy wants to join campaign.
>refuse
>campaign ends
>decide to give annoying guy a break. make new campaign just for him
>first comes across big party of orcs.
>burns their tents, steals their stuff, and runs.
>he wants to rule the entire continent he's on.
>takes over town with a handful of helpers
>convinces some orcs to help him take over town.
>barricades his new town and steals random stuff from everywhere.
>Thinks he's the best around, killing dozens of unarmed NPC's.
>Thoroughly irritated I send the players from last campaign on a quest to kill him.
>They arrive. All are twice his level and could one-shot kill him.
>One player tells everyone to stop, talks to orcs and tells them about the orc camp the player killed like a douche.
>mfw orcs take him away to kill him on their own violent torture terms.
#76 - doubleac (07/12/2014) [+] (9 replies)
Dungeons and Dragons? Is that what D&D is? at the risk of sounding dumb, I ask this.
User avatar #119 to #84 - Sabre ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
If you can manage it, play in person, not online. More fun that way. Also, you need someone willing to DM, which is a lot like having an extra job and a lot less like playing.
#73 - machtung ONLINE (07/12/2014) [+] (3 replies)
Well I know what I'm doing in my next campaign
Well I know what I'm doing in my next campaign
#122 to #73 - Sabre ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
you're welcome.   
   
(Comments deleted because 						*******					 addy's making my inner Grammarnazi VERY angry.)
you're welcome.

(Comments deleted because ******* addy's making my inner Grammarnazi VERY angry.)
User avatar #47 - AllanLancebricole (07/12/2014) [+] (6 replies)
Don't mean to be the annoying guy, but I have a question. As a paladin can detect evil... How come you were still in the group, alive ?
User avatar #112 to #47 - Sabre ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
"Paladin" was an oversimplification; he was a lawful neutral champion of the god Brodin. Our GM gave him a lot of leeway because it was his first character; he played like a moron most of the time. The only reason I didn't try to kill him in his sleep was A) We were both dwarves and B) He was really easy to manipulate, often for hilarious results.
#45 - soldiertwo (07/12/2014) [+] (14 replies)
can you actual do sexual stuf in this game?
#108 to #58 - soldiertwo (07/12/2014) [-]
oh its not a video game.
#140 - anonymous (09/22/2014) [-]
That wasn't very lawful
User avatar #116 - Sabre ONLINE (07/12/2014) [+] (1 reply)
Showing the people involved that we're now reposted content. Funny feeling.
#114 - Sabre ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
My girlfriend, playing a druid, flaming sphere'd the thing and managed to set the whole room alight, while I'm flailing away at it with my halberd. When we finally finished the pyro-beastiality-gore fight, we all sorta looked at each other and were like, "That's enough for today." We went and found some place to hole up in the dungeon and sleep to end our game for that week.   
   
Next session starts with our GM saying, "You awake to the smell of smoke and the faint crackling of flames." And then we realized that none of us had bothered to put out the fires.   
   
So that's the story of how we accidentally burned down our GMs first dungeon before seeing more than 1/4th of it.
My girlfriend, playing a druid, flaming sphere'd the thing and managed to set the whole room alight, while I'm flailing away at it with my halberd. When we finally finished the pyro-beastiality-gore fight, we all sorta looked at each other and were like, "That's enough for today." We went and found some place to hole up in the dungeon and sleep to end our game for that week.

Next session starts with our GM saying, "You awake to the smell of smoke and the faint crackling of flames." And then we realized that none of us had bothered to put out the fires.

So that's the story of how we accidentally burned down our GMs first dungeon before seeing more than 1/4th of it.
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