An alien's guide to humans.. . sf I lid, It WARNING: A HUMAN CAN KEEP FIGHTING FOR HOURS EVEN AFTER YOU SHOOT IT. WARNING. THE HUMAN MOUTH HAS can mary ; BONE A
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An alien's guide to humans.

sf I lid,
It WARNING:
A HUMAN CAN KEEP FIGHTING
FOR HOURS EVEN AFTER YOU
SHOOT IT.
WARNING. THE HUMAN MOUTH HAS can mary ; BONE
AND POWERFUL JAM MUSCLES.
HUMAN WTFS CAN as neuv EVEN mass HUMANS,
WARNING: HUMANS CAN DETECT YOU
BY TRACKING VIBRATIONS THROUGH
I THE ATMOSPHERE.
EXPOSE THEMSEALVES _. q
HUMAN EXTREMELY
RESILIENT AND RETURN. : Y TO THE
HOST SITE TO REBUILD.
ff h
REMOVING A LIMB WILL NOT
FATALLY INCAPACITATE A
HUMANS: ALWAYS DESTROY
COKEHEAD.
CAUTION:
HUMANS CAN PROJECT BIOWEAPONS
FROM ALMOST EVERY ORIFICE ON
THEIR BODY. DO NOT INHALE!
METAL Tsuri, BONES@ F‘
...
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Views: 70035
Favorited: 400
Submitted: 11/12/2013
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#4 - tarromarran (11/12/2013) [+] (19 replies)
i-i have never felt so badass in my life...
#9 - snakefire (11/12/2013) [+] (28 replies)
The contents of a humans stomach are highly corrosive and may become projectile if the human is injured, frightened, or poisoned   
   
Humans have striated clumps of flesh that allow their movement, and it's extremely tough and makes them incredibly powerful. The more they use these, the bigger and more powerful they get.   
   
Humans will train other animals indigenous to their planet to use as weapons. Canines are often under human command and will attack anything they see as a threat to their human.   
   
Some humans have even survived falls from aircraft that were flying 2 miles up.   
   
Humans can have some organs removed and still live without even being hindered by the loss.   
   
When unarmed, humans will ball the appendages at the end of their forearms to use as a blunt weapon. The hard bones in these appendages can make blows extremely devastating, as with perfect training it can even break rock.
The contents of a humans stomach are highly corrosive and may become projectile if the human is injured, frightened, or poisoned

Humans have striated clumps of flesh that allow their movement, and it's extremely tough and makes them incredibly powerful. The more they use these, the bigger and more powerful they get.

Humans will train other animals indigenous to their planet to use as weapons. Canines are often under human command and will attack anything they see as a threat to their human.

Some humans have even survived falls from aircraft that were flying 2 miles up.

Humans can have some organs removed and still live without even being hindered by the loss.

When unarmed, humans will ball the appendages at the end of their forearms to use as a blunt weapon. The hard bones in these appendages can make blows extremely devastating, as with perfect training it can even break rock.
#23 - theguywhoaskswhy (11/12/2013) [+] (8 replies)
Some Humans inhale toxic gases and consume poisonous fluids on a daily basis. For no discernible reason.
#108 - giux (11/13/2013) [+] (8 replies)
The average human body contains enough human bones to make up an entire human skeleton
#50 - thechosentroll (11/12/2013) [+] (20 replies)
Reminds me of something I thought about after I read about Warhammer 40k death worlds. Basically, death worlds are planets with extremely inhospitable conditions, filled with giant creatures that can murder you horribly at a whim and often ridden by war. That's when I thought to myself "Wait a sec. That sounds a bit like Earth. We already have flesh-eating parasites, creatures that can squish, kill, eviscerate, disembowel or decapitate you with a single strike, massive temperature variations, acid falling from the sky, constant volcanic activity and more fatal diseases than a Kardashian has neurons." and then it dawned on me. We could actually be living on a death world and we wouldn't even realise it, because we've never been to another habitable planet. All the deadly shit we consider commonplace could actually be extremely rare on a galactic scale. Heck, Australia could be the single deadliest place in the galaxy. We could very well be some of the toughest motherfuckers in the universe, if everyone else is a whimp with a massive brain, but the physical strength of a 5-yearold girl.
#61 - iamstoopid (11/12/2013) [+] (3 replies)
are those real facts?
User avatar #66 to #61 - blackandgold (11/13/2013) [-]
as far as the aliens know.
#60 - themedianoche **User deleted account** (11/12/2013) [+] (1 reply)
We are the most metal thing ever
#45 - serotonin (11/12/2013) [+] (2 replies)
Humans are bloodthirsty race and they take pride of their cruelty. It has been cofirmed that foundation of their largest religious movement is belief that they tortured and killed supposed son of Creator.
#1 - nayytayisgod (11/12/2013) [+] (1 reply)
User avatar #112 - leonhardt (11/13/2013) [+] (3 replies)
They keep leaving out the part where we nailed our god to a stick, so he could apologize to us.
#69 - rza (11/13/2013) [+] (4 replies)
Humans will sacrifice their whole lives just to have a rectangular piece of paper.
#67 - Snowplows ONLINE (11/13/2013) [+] (3 replies)
"Humans will occasionally consume a variety of toxic fermented liquids. While it will hinder their coordination, it will make then much more courageous and willing to fight."
"Humans will occasionally consume a variety of toxic fermented liquids. While it will hinder their coordination, it will make then much more courageous and willing to fight."
#74 - ieatyououtaldaylon ONLINE (11/13/2013) [+] (13 replies)
Now I fell like an ultra badass.
Now I fell like an ultra badass.
#78 to #75 - ieatyououtaldaylon ONLINE (11/13/2013) [-]
Are you insinuating that the word ultra is just for children, and therefore implying that Ultra Magnus isn't the most glorious mother fucker on the planet.
User avatar #2 - gragasvlad (11/12/2013) [-]
This my friends is why there are never any alien races that contact us... we are dangerous and repulsive so they are afraid of us.
#54 - kommandantvideo (11/12/2013) [+] (1 reply)
#191 - brisineo ONLINE (11/13/2013) [+] (1 reply)
Humans are evolved to have incredible endurance and are the most effective endurance hunters on the planet. They can only sprint short distances, but they can pursue you for MILES and not tire.

Humans are abnormal in their healing abilities; being able to sustain what would otherwise be fatal blows and shrug it off life threatening shock while filling it with a fibrous and fast acting flesh growth called "scar tissue." Even if a not immediately deadly vital organ is stabbed or damaged, they can go for days to weeks without treatment.

Humans consume chemicals that are toxic or irritating to other organisms in their ecosystem, such as capsaicin, menthol, and theobromine, which they add to their foods for enjoyment purposes and even health purposes. They have even evolved the ability to ingest the mammary secretions of other mammals in their ecosystem.

Humans tend to put themselves into harms way as apparently the systems their body evolved to warn them of danger also is pleasurable, compelling them to perform potentially fatal actions for the thrill and attempts of attention by other humans. There have been many cases of humans dying whist seeking this thrill and it still has not stopped them. Some even go as far as ingesting, inhaling, or injecting corrosive and highly toxic chemicals for this same pleasure.

No wonder aliens haven't contacted us yet. We're so dangerous they probably keep us on a surveillance basis thinking that once we see them we're going to hijack their saucers and carpet nuke their home planet while smoking victory cigars and waving cowboy hats.
#111 - anticitezenone (11/13/2013) [+] (2 replies)
#383 - fourtwentt (11/13/2013) [+] (1 reply)
'Is that true or is it just propaganda we created'
#378 - MrLewis (11/13/2013) [+] (1 reply)
*scoffs*

"proud warrior race"
User avatar #393 to #378 - taokami (11/13/2013) [-]
says the fictional monkey.
User avatar #13 - faithrider (11/12/2013) [-]
"they expose themselves to scalding hot liquids and inhale the fumes emanating from it as part their cleansing process"
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