Advice Duck Comp
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#29
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weekender (06/26/2015) [-] "Would you like to go out with me sometime?"
"Hell no."
"Ok, see you next week. Pick you up at 7."
"Hell no."
"Ok, see you next week. Pick you up at 7."
#9
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comicexplain (06/26/2015) [-] *Use your OWN condom.
Last two girls I was with kept poking holes in hers.
Last two girls I was with kept poking holes in hers.
**bellbottomshark rolled image** What if they want you to use theirs so they know you didn't poke holes in yours? A reasonable request or sneaky tricks?
#85 to #75
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holasoymilk (06/27/2015) [-] Is it really that hard to inspect a condom to see if it has a hole in it?
That's why you get a friend you trust to bring a previously agreed upon condom, sans holes.
is that when you decided to dedicate your life to 2D girls instead?
#12 to #9
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captainfuckitall ONLINE (06/26/2015) [-] Good lords, man. What kind of billionaire stud are you to make girls go that crazy?
#13 to #12
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comicexplain (06/26/2015) [-] I work in fast food. It wasn't money they were after, trust me on that.
We left on good terms, though! One moved away with family, the other found out she was a lesbian when she and I had a threesome with a friend of mine. Though I think she's trying to be a nun, now? We haven't spoken in a while.
We left on good terms, though! One moved away with family, the other found out she was a lesbian when she and I had a threesome with a friend of mine. Though I think she's trying to be a nun, now? We haven't spoken in a while.
#14 to #13
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captainfuckitall ONLINE (06/26/2015) [-] And here you are on Funnyjunk devoting your expertise to comics.
Your life must be very strange.
Your life must be very strange.
#23 to #22
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comicexplain (06/26/2015) [-] u no how the back of the conditioner says 'rince wash repeat'?
i repeat again
i repeat again
#25 to #24
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comicexplain (06/26/2015) [-] I'm buuuuusy!
Just,
Maybe another year. Yeah. I'll be set in one more year. We waited one, why not the next?
Just,
Maybe another year. Yeah. I'll be set in one more year. We waited one, why not the next?
#107 to #22
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mrskeletonman (06/27/2015) [-] I, mrskeletonman, have had my DnD character turned into a skeleton a while back. It's pretty terrific.
#19 to #18
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comicexplain (06/26/2015) [-] My ego is fine. It was a life choice thing; she was very much content with the sex I offered, but her parents were super religious, and didn't let her come out after she mentioned it when she was super young. Really, I was just upset she was manipulated her whole life, but her desire to be a nun was completely her own. We talked about that for months.
One of the reasons why she didn't become one right away was because of me. My ego is very well stroked.
One of the reasons why she didn't become one right away was because of me. My ego is very well stroked.
#61 to #13
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infinitereaper (06/27/2015) [-] Jesus what a slut. I hate the "oh I'm suddenly a lesbian now!" women. And so many of them as an excuse for infidelity as if that somehow justifies it.
#39 to #9
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assdoreponyfucker (06/26/2015) [-] don't morry man male contraceptive pills are on the way
#40 to #39
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comicexplain (06/26/2015) [-] In two years.
First thing I'm getting, I swear. My fetishes are going to kill me.
First thing I'm getting, I swear. My fetishes are going to kill me.
But what if you can't legally live within 3 miles of a school?
#41 to #37
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hairycheeseball (06/27/2015) [-] You have more important things to worry about then roads getting plowed
In fact, I think plowing got you into this situation in the first place.
#48
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cherishlovesninjas (06/27/2015) [-] As a pregnant, single, homeless 19-year-old, the last one is strongly recommended. 10/10.
#69 to #67
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cherishlovesninjas (06/27/2015) [-] I have a phone... And a job and a car. Being homeless doesn't always mean you have nothing and are on the streets. I'm just couch hoping until I can save up for a place. But believe whatever you want I'm not looking for sympathy if I was I'd post on Tumblr like all those other tags.
**bellbottomshark rolled image** Hang in there kitten, everything passes given time.
#45
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fornowjr (06/27/2015) [-] Unless you're printing the paper, the 14pt period and commas won't help you. Turnitin detects it and awares the professor.
#11
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ithinkimightbelost (06/26/2015) [-] Splash a bit of water over your rice before microwaving it and it'll keep it from drying out and getting hard. This also works well with spaghetti and other pastas in tomato based sausages.
My fridge makes 1 day old rice foods extra watery, any tips how to dry that out? Microwave just heats up the water in the rice.
#26 to #17
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ithinkimightbelost (06/26/2015) [-] If I were going to dry out rice I would put it into a frying pan or large pot and heat it up that way. A microwave definitely won't help if your rice is too wet.
If you're putting your rice into the fridge while it's still hot, that could explain it. Avoid putting rice into the fridge before it reaches room temperature. Place it in a sealed container or at least a dish with plastic wrap placed tightly over it. That should stop any outside moisture from getting in.
Many people will actually separate their rice into servings and freeze it to be used later. You might look into that as an option, as well.
If you're putting your rice into the fridge while it's still hot, that could explain it. Avoid putting rice into the fridge before it reaches room temperature. Place it in a sealed container or at least a dish with plastic wrap placed tightly over it. That should stop any outside moisture from getting in.
Many people will actually separate their rice into servings and freeze it to be used later. You might look into that as an option, as well.
I'm going to post this because I always do when I see paper tips like that -
Don't ******* change the font size. TA's check (it's literally the 1st thing I check for) and will make you fail a paper if the requirements are to use a certain font size, yes periods count. Just use the word count and actually do research
Don't ******* change the font size. TA's check (it's literally the 1st thing I check for) and will make you fail a paper if the requirements are to use a certain font size, yes periods count. Just use the word count and actually do research
#64
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maxismahname (06/27/2015) [-] Sex tip: Pee inside of her to save an embarrassing trip to the bathroom during the intercourse
#16
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derpwolf (06/26/2015) [-] That last one is really useful for Eli. Too bad it's too late. cloakndagger
#21 to #16
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cloakndagger (06/26/2015) [-] If DM starts making me roll to see if a condom breaks every few times, then I'm going to throw a used condom into 'The Wind' xD
#52
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ryuggu (06/27/2015) [-] Buy a house near the school. Sure, they'll plow your street in the winter and you'll have all that awesome thrash from kids at your lawn.
#92 to #52
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randomwanker (06/27/2015) [-] Not to mention the ******* taxes skyrocket when near a school
#55 to #54
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iamthou (06/27/2015) [-] don't get me started on the piece of **** rooster, worst buy ever
so get this, I go to the farmers market and hes all like "hey, this is 100% times more organic than your phone for an alarm" and I'm all like "well wtf is it?" he goes "it's a rooster, this ****** here will wake you up like you never been woken before
im all like "well shieeeeet" so I take it home, ******* unbox it and set it out in the yard, well he does a **** job at waking me up, he just goes out all night and ***** every hen he can find, doing all manner of drugs, sleeping in till 3 and wont wake me up till after 2 hours hes woken
tl;dr dont buy a rooster
so get this, I go to the farmers market and hes all like "hey, this is 100% times more organic than your phone for an alarm" and I'm all like "well wtf is it?" he goes "it's a rooster, this ****** here will wake you up like you never been woken before
im all like "well shieeeeet" so I take it home, ******* unbox it and set it out in the yard, well he does a **** job at waking me up, he just goes out all night and ***** every hen he can find, doing all manner of drugs, sleeping in till 3 and wont wake me up till after 2 hours hes woken
tl;dr dont buy a rooster
All last year my friends stole the teacher's red pens and she started trying to find out, and get furious.
He stole a grand total of 100-125 pens and returned them all last day, behind the teacher's back. Her face when she got all those pens back.. ******* golden.
#44
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malhaloc ONLINE (06/27/2015) [-] About that hairdresser one. Every time I get a haircut, it doesn't matter where, they always seem to get offended when I don't ask for it by...whatever those numbers are supposed to be.
Example: I went to the barbershop and the barber says "How do you want it cut?" "I guess just leave an inch or so" "You mean a 3,1, and 4? or whatever the hell she said " "Uh...yeah sure" And she roles her eyes at me. I hate getting haircuts >.>
Example: I went to the barbershop and the barber says "How do you want it cut?" "I guess just leave an inch or so" "You mean a 3,1, and 4? or whatever the hell she said " "Uh...yeah sure" And she roles her eyes at me. I hate getting haircuts >.>
Ive simply gone to the same hair stylist for my entire life. once i finish college then **** gets difficult
2. Hope you're not turning it in online.
3. For a microwave full of deadly steam! try brushing a little bit of water on it instead
4. Hope you like greasy onions!
5. and burnt chips!
6. Not sure, but I'm sure that's bull
7. u go gurl
9. Paranoid?
11. Lets face it, you're gonna want to fill some of that awkward silence...
17. Or just google it.
18. That won't help. Take a hot shower, it'll wash the other grease off of you too!
19. Hope you like loud immature kids!
#110
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asmodeu (06/27/2015) [-] Second one: you should also use justified text alignment, 3 cm border to the left, use some big ass hd images (you need to justify their size too) and instead of 12 point text go 12.5 (nobody ever tells the difference, unless you have to give them the editable document).
