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Adventures in Retail 1: The Feminazi

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Views: 60140 Favorited: 133 Submitted: 05/16/2014
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[ 233 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#7 - retrochris (05/16/2014) [+] (13 replies)
stickied by godgem
Put this on a shirt and wear it
User avatar #27 - godgem (05/16/2014) [+] (7 replies)
stickied by godgem
User avatar #33 - vetis (05/16/2014) [-]
How the **** is spiderpig offensive and 'pushing forward the male agenda'? I don't even have an agenda. I barely use a ******* calender.
#214 to #33 - harrytheheadcrab (05/17/2014) [-]
It could have this on it, and you know, women can't wear tuxes sooo.
User avatar #159 to #33 - ugottanked (05/17/2014) [-]
******* lol'd
#47 to #33 - zarallyn (05/16/2014) [-]
Good one Sir Panda
Good one Sir Panda
#34 to #33 - godgem (05/16/2014) [-]
>I barely use a calendar   
That was fantastic. thank you.
>I barely use a calendar
That was fantastic. thank you.
#35 to #34 - vetis (05/16/2014) [-]
****		, your laughter is making me laugh now. You're a good man.
**** , your laughter is making me laugh now. You're a good man.
User avatar #52 - ishallsmiteyou (05/16/2014) [-]
mine is a bit short, but still pretty ****** up
>sitting in school hallway eating burger
>this burger is the ******* epitome of deliciousness
>get two bites out of it before I hear "WHAT THE **** DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING YOU CHAUVINISTIC MEAT-EATING ******** !!!"
>look up, feeling rather shocked and confused
>it's the school's only 3 feminists (they're all vegans too) that take it to nazi level
>I say "trying to eat my burg-"
>sentence interrupted by said burger being punted out of my hands by the fattest one of them all
>before I can react all three are on top of me attempting to bash my skull in
>security finally shows up, when they ask what happened all three feminazis say I tried to rape them
> ******* hell
>turns out there was a security camera just down the hall that recorded the whole thing
>feminazis all get booted from not just the school, but the school board as a whole
>security guard hands me 5 bucks to get a burger
>it was a ******* awesome burger
0
#53 to #52 - felixjarl has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #54 to #53 - ishallsmiteyou (05/16/2014) [-]
If you're talking about the cameras, the school is ******* coated with them. There's two in every hallway and one covering every entrance. That's what you get when your school is in the worst part of one of the worst cities in Ontario.
#57 to #54 - felixjarl ONLINE (05/16/2014) [-]
You win this time.

Pic somewhat related, it was a burger.
User avatar #108 to #54 - chezburgadominator (05/17/2014) [-]
Imagine if the cameras weren't there.
User avatar #143 to #52 - landartheconqueror (05/17/2014) [-]
what happened to the demons?
#109 to #52 - viralkamina (05/17/2014) [-]
i've seriously been concerned until i read that you got your Burger replaced
on another note i think i should seriously start to eat more healthy...
#67 - thelastelephant (05/17/2014) [-]
>Be me   
>Working in a clothing outlet store   
>First job ever   
>Working in the women's section, see a customer browsing sweaters   
>"Can I help you find anything today, ma'am?"   
>Customer: "I want you to explain to me how our justice system can put innocent young men in prison but let convicted terrorists walk free."   
>Customer then leaves   
>MFW
>Be me
>Working in a clothing outlet store
>First job ever
>Working in the women's section, see a customer browsing sweaters
>"Can I help you find anything today, ma'am?"
>Customer: "I want you to explain to me how our justice system can put innocent young men in prison but let convicted terrorists walk free."
>Customer then leaves
>MFW
User avatar #40 - ninjaroo (05/16/2014) [-]
I had a door to door sales job for a while, I wouldn't exactly call this woman a feminazi but she was a landwhale with a short fuse for sure.
>Knock on door, casually wait for it to open
>Overweight woman opens, Australia so I don't think twice
>G'day, how are you? My names anon and I'm just walking up and down your street lovely street having a chat to some of the homeowners, would that be yourself? Company lines, had to say some variation on that.
>10 minute conversation about product follows, woman is interested
>Start to close
>Right, so here's what I can do for you today is get my manager to come out and have a chat with you and your husband, he'll -
>Woman interrupts me, begins to turn red and enter rage mode
>"Why does my husband have to be here?"
>Uh, it's the law ma'am, when organizing changes to your home all homeowners must be present.
>90% rage mode, begins yelling at me
>"I AM IN CHARGE OF THIS HOUSE AND I MAKE THE DECISIONS AROUND HERE, I SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE A DECISION WITHOUT YOU DICTATING WHO HAS TO BE INVOLVED"
>I'm very sorry ma'am, there's nothing me or the company I work for can do about that, these are the regulations we have to work under to keep the consumers safe and informed.
>100% rage mode, woman is now incomprehensibly screaming, slams door in my face

First person I talked to on my second day of work.
User avatar #41 to #40 - godgem (05/16/2014) [-]
I may have some of my door to door ones later. Not gonna lie, I read that my name's anon line and cringed remembering that job. Those ******** lines really worked though...Made some good money at that company lol
User avatar #42 to #41 - ninjaroo (05/16/2014) [-]
I didn't, I don't like forcing people to buy things they don't want, so that job made me honestly feel guilty. Not to mention the company made a habit of hiring teenagers who didn't know what proper pay was so that they could pay them terrible commission - Most people there were making less than $8 an hour.
User avatar #43 to #42 - godgem (05/16/2014) [-]
That's horrible. I got turned down a lot. Mostly, when I made a sale it was because people were sick of the company they were with and our company seemed better. Operative word: Seemed. I felt like **** about some of the sales I made, but some of them they really were getting a better deal. Our commissions were pretty freakin good though if you were good at it. Some weeks though, I'd go without a sale and essentially make 5 an hour, others I'd be making more like 30. It just depended on neighborhood. I got tired of lying to people to get them to spend money though.
User avatar #48 to #43 - ninjaroo (05/16/2014) [-]
The day I decided to quit I got fed up with the ******** our company pulled. I knocked on a door to talk to someone and a kindly looking elderly gentleman opened the door and immediately proclaimed "Ah **** , not you cunts again"
At that point I figured he'd dealt with us before and had a bad experience, so I didn't bother with the lines we were meant to say and I just asked if he had any problems with our service. He spent the next twenty minutes walking me around the house and showing me the holes in his bricks where our shutters were. We'd installed them, they didn't open or close. We took six months to repair them, they didn't have the benefits we'd guaranteed Specifically, it wasn't blocking the sound. He was retired and liked to sleep in and wanted shutters so that lawnmowers wouldn't wake him up, and there was no change in sound. He asked us to remove them, as per our guarantee, and we didn't for another six months until we didn't have to do it for free, then charged him for it. We basically charged him to put holes in his house next to every window.
The worst part was that after I went to explain to my manager why I got no sales on the street I had to say that this guy was a dick who bad mouthed the company, when he had nothing but legitimate complaints and was overall very kind to me.
#39 - totallynotme (05/16/2014) [-]
I still fail to see how Spider Pig is sexist.
#49 to #39 - ellojello (05/16/2014) [-]
That's because you're a chauvinistic pig, of course.   
Pic related:  Your cis-white male oppression
That's because you're a chauvinistic pig, of course.
Pic related: Your cis-white male oppression
#50 to #49 - totallynotme (05/16/2014) [-]
That's... That's a guy stacking biscuits on a dog.
I am failing to see the gender issue.
#51 to #50 - ellojello (05/16/2014) [-]
Just like you can't see how spider pig is sexist. Tisk, tisk, tisk.
#69 - ButtonFly ONLINE (05/17/2014) [-]
I've had a similar run in a few years back.   
>Walk around town when suddenly   
>Slut Walk.   
>Tons of Feminazi's running around wearing little else thatn lingerie with the word "slut" painted on their faces or stomachs.   
>One slut walker notices me   
>"Hey slut!"   
>Ignore   
>"Slut"   
>Continue ignoring   
>"Hey! Slut! Hey!"   
>More irritating than Navi.   
>Turn around "I'm not a slut!"   
>Slut Walker seems perturbed but keeps talking "There's no shame in being a slut. It's our word. We're owning it. We're taking it back."   
>Wraps arm around me like we're part of the Slut-hood of the Traveling Pants.   
>"You don't need to wear big, ugly clothing like that. You should be free to walk around in whatever you want without fear of being raped by men."   
>High insulted at this point.    
>In less than five minutes of meeting this loathsome person I was called a slut multiple times and told that my clothes were ugly.   
>"I am wearing the clothes I want. I like my clothes. I don't want to be called a slut. Go away."   
>Feminazi grabs my shirt.   
>"EMBRACE YOUR INNER SLUT!"   
>Begins to try to forcibly remove my shirt from my body.   
>Scream for help.   
>Cops come.   
>MFW Feminazi was arrested for sexual assault.
I've had a similar run in a few years back.
>Walk around town when suddenly
>Slut Walk.
>Tons of Feminazi's running around wearing little else thatn lingerie with the word "slut" painted on their faces or stomachs.
>One slut walker notices me
>"Hey slut!"
>Ignore
>"Slut"
>Continue ignoring
>"Hey! Slut! Hey!"
>More irritating than Navi.
>Turn around "I'm not a slut!"
>Slut Walker seems perturbed but keeps talking "There's no shame in being a slut. It's our word. We're owning it. We're taking it back."
>Wraps arm around me like we're part of the Slut-hood of the Traveling Pants.
>"You don't need to wear big, ugly clothing like that. You should be free to walk around in whatever you want without fear of being raped by men."
>High insulted at this point.
>In less than five minutes of meeting this loathsome person I was called a slut multiple times and told that my clothes were ugly.
>"I am wearing the clothes I want. I like my clothes. I don't want to be called a slut. Go away."
>Feminazi grabs my shirt.
>"EMBRACE YOUR INNER SLUT!"
>Begins to try to forcibly remove my shirt from my body.
>Scream for help.
>Cops come.
>MFW Feminazi was arrested for sexual assault.
#74 to #69 - Rascal (05/17/2014) [-]
You sound like a fugly dumbass. Don't fret though, you can always kill yourself.
User avatar #76 to #74 - ButtonFly ONLINE (05/17/2014) [-]
Sounds like a good plan, thanks.
User avatar #87 to #74 - sonicthefast (05/17/2014) [-]
You just mad cause no nudes.
#166 to #74 - ciacheczko ONLINE (05/17/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#90 to #69 - Rascal (05/17/2014) [-]
You should have decked her in the schnozz
#100 to #90 - nonanonnon (05/17/2014) [-]
Then she would have been the one arrested though. Always better to let the crazies get themselves in trouble.
User avatar #107 to #100 - dagreatmax (05/17/2014) [-]
Self defense.
#55 - hypex ONLINE (05/16/2014) [-]
not sure what to label this one chick i met, probably some diseased offspring off feminazi and hamplanets
>sit at a bar waiting for my date (miscalculated how long it would take to walk there, arrived 5 minutes too early)
>i see a hamplanet and her 2 moons sitting at the bardesk glancing over at me like im a burger or something
>the lust in her eyes is scaring the **** out of me and i start to consider calling my date and ask for another bar/place to go to
>after flapping the 5kg gums of hers up and down and producing "speech" with her moons she waddles over to my table
>without any warning she sits in the chair which creaks in despair of her colossal weight
>"hey their handsome" she says with the look of a starving hyena in her eyes
>"oh hi" i reply rather scared for my life
>"wanna buy me a drink big boy?" she sputters between her oversized underlip and what i assume was her over lip as it had stains of lipstick smeared all over it
>at this point im trying really hard not to laugh over the term "big boy" as im about 90 kiloes and she was weighing in at probably around 250
>"uhhmmm noo... sorry, im waiting for my date to arrive you see"
>"OH REALLY NOW?!?" she yells in a incoherent and sudden rage
>"THATS JUST AN EXQUISE (thats how she pronounced it) FOR YOU NOT BEING ABLE TO HANDLE A REAL WOMAN WITH CURVES"
>"but-"
>"YOU SHOULD CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE STRAIGHT CIS SCUM"
>"wha-"
>"YOU DISGUSTING CHAUVINISTIC PIGS SHOULD ALL DI-" she gets cut off as one of the biker guys that frequent the bar had grabbed her by the fatrolls and dragged her out of the bar (how the man had enough strenght to drag that thing is beyond me)
>"DISGUSTING STRAIGHT WHITE MALE PRIVILEGE" i hear yelling from outside
>my date strolls in looking more puzzled than forrest gump over a rubicks cube
>what the **** was all that about? he asks
>as he sits down across from me i see the hamplanet outside in a state of shock, confusion and rage
>mfw
#220 to #55 - Rascal (05/17/2014) [-]
Sorry if this is a stupid question but what does cis mean guys?
User avatar #226 to #220 - thesnarfalarker (05/17/2014) [-]
Opposite of transgender
User avatar #56 to #55 - hypex ONLINE (05/16/2014) [-]
and sorry for the quality of writing, english isnt my first language
User avatar #59 to #56 - epicalania (05/16/2014) [-]
I don't care, it's great.
I've got a similar one.
First I should mention, I am straight.
>Be at shopping center, going to meet some friends.
>Second one to arrive, see friend sitting at a table in the food court.
>Girl talking to friend, probably 6/10, we shall call her V
>friend is awkward around new people (Not like neckbeard awkward, just gets flustered)
>friend has girlfriend
>hear V flirting (badly) with friend
>friend denies all advances better than than a hamplanet denies a salad.
>V gets angry, starts screaming about straight cis scum
>wut, she flirt with him and get angry that he straight.
>walk up to friend, put my arm around his waist and say to him.
>"whats up honey?"
>you can see the thought process filtering through her brain
> two... men? that... is... not... straight
>acquire new thing to shout about
>'racist conformists'
>see girlfriend walking up behind V, testament to her that can adjust to any situation
>V shouting about how we should check our white privilege and whatnot
>Girlfriend walks up, kisses me and puts her hand around friends waist as well
>"Hi boys, who's your friend?"
>Never see V again.
#83 to #59 - Rascal (05/17/2014) [-]
I love you, that is the best reaction to have
User avatar #132 to #59 - soupkittenagain (05/17/2014) [-]
racist conformists....
User avatar #136 to #132 - epicalania (05/17/2014) [-]
Not those exact words but that was what she was calling us.
It took her about 5 sentences to say it and i don't what to, nor do I think I can, write what she said word for word.
User avatar #60 to #56 - bendingtimeisgood ONLINE (05/17/2014) [-]
If she didn't get kicked out, in that situation, I'd chew her out for assuming you're straight.
User avatar #61 to #60 - hypex ONLINE (05/17/2014) [-]
the biker guy came up to me another night quite recently and told me she got taken to the police chambers and had to spend the night there because she was drunk. **** was ******* funny
User avatar #62 to #61 - bendingtimeisgood ONLINE (05/17/2014) [-]
I love feminazis almost as much as I hate them.
#72 to #55 - hektoroftroy (05/17/2014) [-]
Are you a boy or a girl?
Because although english isn't your first language, you use the pronoun "he" multiple times when talking about your date.
Which means if you're male which I can assume you are from being called "big boy", that she was trying to get a gay man to buy her a drink, and then yelled at this gay man for being straight cis scum.
All her excuses can't save her now from the truth.
User avatar #80 to #72 - hypex ONLINE (05/17/2014) [-]
yes im a guy as i said, sorry for any inconvenience
User avatar #145 to #80 - hektoroftroy (05/17/2014) [-]
Absolutely fantastic. Brilliant story man!
User avatar #149 to #145 - hypex ONLINE (05/17/2014) [-]
thanks!
User avatar #122 to #72 - spceinvdr (05/17/2014) [-]
you sir are very observant
User avatar #79 - landerp (05/17/2014) [-]
>delivery driver at pizza hut
>deliver one medium pizza and a liter of dp to some house in a poor neighborhood
>woman opens the door wearing shirt that says "I hate men"
>becomes greatly offended at seeing a man on her doorstep
>dumps hot tar all over me, covers me in white feathers
>feminazis start pouring out of the house like ants
>start doing the rain dance in a circle around me to summon female warrior spirit
>my penis shrivels and turns inside out
>now i have a vagina
>call cops, all women executed on the spot
>i made up this story
>at least I'm honest about it
#171 to #79 - DahColeTrain ONLINE (05/17/2014) [-]
Delivered some dp, you say?
User avatar #123 to #79 - spceinvdr (05/17/2014) [-]
goddammit I was scared for a minute, I'm deeply considering becoming a pizza delivery boy.
User avatar #137 to #123 - trostell (05/17/2014) [-]
Just pray you don't run into someone who looks like a B-movie monster.
#218 to #123 - Rascal (05/17/2014) [-]
Easiest job ever. Take it
User avatar #227 to #218 - spceinvdr (05/17/2014) [-]
how's the pay because gas is so god damned expensive
#26 - diedede (05/16/2014) [-]
Please
User avatar #28 to #26 - godgem (05/16/2014) [-]
I just posted part 2. It's stickied.
#139 - rambomanthree (05/17/2014) [-]
Someone please explain to me how a spider pig shirt can be considered sexist?
Someone please explain to me how a spider pig shirt can be considered sexist?
User avatar #140 to #139 - joshuagutierrez (05/17/2014) [-]
I'm pretty sure she was just insane and tried to pick something to be angry about.
In short, bitch was cray.
#14 - yuvesh (05/16/2014) [-]
i dont understand what she has against spider pig.   
   
either way it was funny and i thumbed
i dont understand what she has against spider pig.

either way it was funny and i thumbed
User avatar #15 to #14 - godgem (05/16/2014) [-]
This is the best thumb gif I've ever seen. Thank you.
#16 to #15 - yuvesh (05/16/2014) [-]
i just wish i could give you more thumbs   
   
cant wait to see your next story
i just wish i could give you more thumbs

cant wait to see your next story
User avatar #148 - bigdikdave (05/17/2014) [-]
How do you get the shirt on if there are no holes?
#18 - badgerbaiting (05/16/2014) [-]
Why did you not slap the bitch?
User avatar #19 to #18 - godgem (05/16/2014) [-]
Wouldn't have been able to press charges if I did
User avatar #21 to #19 - badgerbaiting (05/16/2014) [-]
Say that you were in fear for your life when she pulled out the scissors. Then again, hindsight is 20/20.
User avatar #22 to #21 - godgem (05/16/2014) [-]
Fear for my life? From nail scissors? Who am I? The TSA?
User avatar #23 to #22 - badgerbaiting (05/16/2014) [-]
My sister stabbed me with nail scissors. Went about an inch into my calf, so I'd definitely say they could be used as a weapon.
#24 to #23 - godgem (05/16/2014) [-]
True, but as you said, hindsight is 20/20. Either way, she's probably trying to rally people in jail to side with her while getting lesbo raped. At least, i hope so.
User avatar #25 to #24 - badgerbaiting (05/16/2014) [-]
Something tells me jail isn't where she belongs. A small padded room would be ideal.
User avatar #94 to #22 - superstephtime (05/17/2014) [-]
I hold a grudge on you
User avatar #2 to #1 - godgem (05/16/2014) [-]
Sadly, this isn't anywhere near the worst of them.
#38 to #2 - chrispoot (05/16/2014) [-]
U w0t?   
Oh boy
U w0t?
Oh boy
User avatar #5 - matakeshi (05/16/2014) [-]
pls do mor
User avatar #6 to #5 - godgem (05/16/2014) [-]
If this does well I will. I've got a myriad of jobs to go through stories for so I'll figure out the best ones for you guys
#228 - tacticalhog (05/17/2014) [-]
Sorry, have not seen the Simpson's movie, but how could his shirt possibly be seen as anti feminist?
Sorry, have not seen the Simpson's movie, but how could his shirt possibly be seen as anti feminist?
#232 to #228 - rebaj (05/20/2014) [-]
From what I can gather Im no ******* expert She see's a man with a pig. Now before you scoff, any woman that is in her kind of mental state will objectify any male presentation just for being male. With a pig added, just adds further rage. Those types honestly don't know the meaning of feminism and bastardize the meaning through their own interpretations. As far as I'm concerned, she needs the D. Cell block D that is.
#152 - canyou (05/17/2014) [-]
Godgem, you know I love you, but the idea of a feminist slamming your head against the counter is ******* hilarious.
User avatar #194 to #152 - godgem (05/17/2014) [-]
I know...It makes me laugh now
#11 - willindor ONLINE (05/16/2014) [-]
OP's FW.
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