50 Offensive Jokes
1. What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a **** when my computer crashes.
2. My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!"
I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
3. What do you call a five year old with no friends?
A sandy hook survivor.
4. Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish,
but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.
5. What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
6. What's got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
7. What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
8. How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday?
By putting flowers on the grave.
9. How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
10. How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
11. Why do Mexicans never have Sex Ed. and Driver's Ed. on the same day?
They have to give the donkey a break at some point.
12. Feminism
13. So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back…
Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
14. What’s black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
15. How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
16. What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween?
Free delivery.
17. So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster…
Now it doesn't work.
18. How do you kill a redneck?
Wait 'till he ***** his sister then cut the brakes on his house.
19. What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
20. What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you already done told her twice.
21. How do you fit 4 queers on a barstool?
Flip it upside-down.
22. Why do Jews have big noses?
Because air is free.
23. What happened when the Jew walked into the wall with a hard-on?
He broke his nose.
24. How long does it take for a black woman to take a **** ?
Nine months.
25. How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
26. What do you call 40 Mexicans buried up to their neck in sand?
A spicket fence.
27. How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
28. Did you hear about the two car pile-up in Mexico?
200 Mexicans died.
29. What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile.
30. What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the First Period.
31. How do you swat 200 flies at one time?
Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
32. What is a redneck virgin?
A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers.
33. How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.
34. Girls are like blackjack…
I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.
35. What does it taste like when you go down on an old lady?
Depends…
36. Did you hear the Score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game?
Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.
37. How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?
They don't. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
38. What's 9 inches long, pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
39. A Jew, a black, and a Muslim are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other,
so I thought I would go over there and break the ice.
40. What's difference between dollars and Jews?
I'd give a **** if I lost 6 million dollars.
41. How does a black woman know she is pregnant?
When she pulls her tampon out the cotton is already picked.
42. What’s the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin?
Zimmerman knew how to dodge a bullet.
43. How do you get a fat girl into bed?
Piece of cake.
44. I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass.
I mean, I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.
45. What's the difference between a Jew and harry potter?
Harry can escape the chamber.
46. What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do?
Wrong.
47. Why do all black people have nightmares?
Because we shot the only one who had a dream.
48. What's the difference between cancer and Black people?
Cancer got Jobs.
49. What does Sarah Palin and Iron Man have in common?
They both had a downey jr inside of them.
50. Have you heard about the new car designed by the Jews?
It stops on a dime and then picks it up.
I give a **** when my computer crashes.
2. My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!"
I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
3. What do you call a five year old with no friends?
A sandy hook survivor.
4. Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish,
but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.
5. What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
6. What's got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
7. What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
8. How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday?
By putting flowers on the grave.
9. How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
10. How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
11. Why do Mexicans never have Sex Ed. and Driver's Ed. on the same day?
They have to give the donkey a break at some point.
12. Feminism
13. So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back…
Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
14. What’s black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
15. How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
16. What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween?
Free delivery.
17. So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster…
Now it doesn't work.
18. How do you kill a redneck?
Wait 'till he ***** his sister then cut the brakes on his house.
19. What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
20. What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you already done told her twice.
21. How do you fit 4 queers on a barstool?
Flip it upside-down.
22. Why do Jews have big noses?
Because air is free.
23. What happened when the Jew walked into the wall with a hard-on?
He broke his nose.
24. How long does it take for a black woman to take a **** ?
Nine months.
25. How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
26. What do you call 40 Mexicans buried up to their neck in sand?
A spicket fence.
27. How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
28. Did you hear about the two car pile-up in Mexico?
200 Mexicans died.
29. What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile.
30. What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the First Period.
31. How do you swat 200 flies at one time?
Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
32. What is a redneck virgin?
A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers.
33. How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.
34. Girls are like blackjack…
I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.
35. What does it taste like when you go down on an old lady?
Depends…
36. Did you hear the Score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game?
Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.
37. How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?
They don't. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
38. What's 9 inches long, pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
39. A Jew, a black, and a Muslim are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other,
so I thought I would go over there and break the ice.
40. What's difference between dollars and Jews?
I'd give a **** if I lost 6 million dollars.
41. How does a black woman know she is pregnant?
When she pulls her tampon out the cotton is already picked.
42. What’s the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin?
Zimmerman knew how to dodge a bullet.
43. How do you get a fat girl into bed?
Piece of cake.
44. I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass.
I mean, I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.
45. What's the difference between a Jew and harry potter?
Harry can escape the chamber.
46. What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do?
Wrong.
47. Why do all black people have nightmares?
Because we shot the only one who had a dream.
48. What's the difference between cancer and Black people?
Cancer got Jobs.
49. What does Sarah Palin and Iron Man have in common?
They both had a downey jr inside of them.
50. Have you heard about the new car designed by the Jews?
It stops on a dime and then picks it up.
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