2015 get your shit together comp

waffenmia

Keril' teii; GUIDE TO CLEAR
step 1 (The most manly step): Cut out all the junk. Eat NOTHING but meat, seafood, and leafy
green vegetables. drink only water. Most of you useless creeps will fail right here.
dont believe the girlgamer who say diet and acne are unrela ted. tha ts bu fish it
step I (PILL! HERE): Go out and buy Zinc( heaps produce testosterone, helps your hair and nails
grow. the most manly of all metals), vitamin Mthe **** they make accutane with), and Fish oil
this ***** squeezed out of dead fish livers, how can it HIST be manly?)
step 3: (No more agitation): Stop putting harsh chemicals like HP. on your face. Stop scrubbing your
face raw when you shower (even though thats pretty manly.) ‘foo should only wash your face once
a day and afterwards use a quality moisturizer like Neutrogena oil free Moisture for Sensitive Skin or
oil of may Cream ("how is this manly again?)
step 4: (rest): Sleep on your back. Constanty rubbing your face against a pillowcase isn' t good for
your skin. It can be a bitch at first, but you will get used to it. Bonus manly points for sleeping on a
wooden board or stone slab. _ -
step 5: Smoke Weed Every Day. ll
some manly links:
Final Step: if you followed the previous 5 steps for 3
months or more you can relax. your skin is now clear,
your severe acne anyfur cysts are gone. congratulations,
you are now manly. go do I chicks at the same time my bros over at * and I

...

+402

Views:	28694
Favorited:	583
Submitted:	01/02/2015

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+182

#2 - kiaserzerg (01/02/2015) [-]

there is nothing manly about needing to stealth drunk **** a chick. men can woo a women, boys will trick them.

BE THE WOLF AND FIND YOUR PREY, NOT THE JACKAL FEEDING OFF THE SCRAPS.

#109 to #2 - severepwner (01/03/2015) [-]

***** it's the difference between a wolf and a venus fly trap.

And feeding off scraps isn't using cunning methods to get women. Feeding off scraps is getting sloppy seconds of a chick after some other guy ****** her.

-11

#50 to #2 - toosexyforyou (01/02/2015) [-]

Or just do whatever the **** you want and not listen to little bitches telling you how to be a man.

#120 to #50 - accolgate (01/03/2015) [-]

Enjoy prison, tough guy.

#92 to #2 - corps (01/02/2015) [-]

Totally agree with you.

So... Hey, want some gatorade?

#97 to #2 - msypsylon (01/02/2015) [-]

>implying most people on funnyjunk can get laid either way

+60

#32 - moonmeander (01/02/2015) [-]

>Attempt to open a beer with another beer
>Upside down bottle opens first

#69 to #32 - DrDanny (01/02/2015) [-]

This happened to me..

+45

#51 - anon (01/02/2015) [-]

>Get **** together
>Stealth slushie and hotwiring car

+145

#29 - loganmadder (01/02/2015) [-]

So... what the **** ? Don't, uh... Don't do that. I don't even know what to say about you saying "Eh, let's put this in here". At least no one on this site will actually hotwire a car

#40 to #29 - anon (01/02/2015) [-]

i actually have been hotwiring my car for about a year now because the ignition switch isnt working properly

#45 to #40 - kristofe (01/02/2015) [-]

yeah same here my trucks ignition switch went out i eventually got around and put a button start on it

#49 to #29 - aldothenazi (01/02/2015) [-]

Yeah, like Im gonna use that on some bitch when I can just drink it myself.

+50

#37 - cupotruth (01/02/2015) [-]

Yeah, no rape isn't manly.

OP how autistic are you?

Don't rape people, prison is manly for all of five seconds until your butthole is the size of a baseball.

inb4 >Implying it already isn't

#81 to #37 - twentyseconds has deleted their comment [-]

#83 to #81 - cupotruth (01/02/2015) [-]

I know your comment is a joke but it worries me that there is a picture that is basically a 'how to' manual on rape.

#86 to #83 - twentyseconds (01/02/2015) [-]

a drink recipe is not a manual on rape. But yes I agree that the title is in poor taste but is probably just trying to get viewers and catch your eye.

-1

#87 to #86 - cupotruth (01/02/2015) [-]

Well the drink is specifically designed to get someone drunk without noticing that they are drinking.

Even without the title there are very few real world uses for that that are manly because I can only think of two: 1. you hate the taste of alcohol (very unmanly). 2. you want to rape someone.

There is no right for this drink to exist in the presence of any proper manly man and frankly for it to exist in general.

#93 to #87 - skaffanl (01/02/2015) [-]

Maybe I want to draw on a girl's face with a marker like a real man.

#95 to #93 - cupotruth (01/02/2015) [-]

Well then god speed you glorious sharpie wielding bastard you

#90 to #87 - twentyseconds (01/02/2015) [-]

-could be used to make for your girlfriend who hates the taste of alcohol

There's thousands of recipes like this one specifically made and taught in bartending school to mask the unfavorable taste of alcohol.

Is your idea of bartending to make drinks taste MORE like alcohol?

#85 to #83 - twentyseconds has deleted their comment [-]

#110 to #37 - severepwner (01/03/2015) [-]

Stand up for what you think is right!

+34

#54 - christofferse (01/02/2015) [-]

> "2015 Get your **** together"
> "How to rape drunk chicks 101".

yeah no.

#82 to #54 - twentyseconds (01/02/2015) [-]

what I saw was
>how to make your girlfriend, who bitches about the taste of alcohol, a nice strong drink.

what you read
>you can use this for rape.

#99 to #82 - christofferse (01/02/2015) [-]

Do you deny the goal of getting a girl drunk "with a secret slushie" doesn't sound that romantic and/or legal?The generel wording of this makes me think of a "random" girl or atleast a girl you don't share a romantic relation with. If you want to make your girlfriend a strong drink, why call secret?

#104 to #99 - twentyseconds (01/02/2015) [-]

I agree the title is in poor taste, but its just a drink recipe with the same intent as all
others, mask the taste of the alcohol and make the drink taste good.

The article does not say "don't tell her there is alcohol in the drink".

-The way it is worded is common in advertisements, example "this stain remover is so great you wont even know the stain was ever there!"
-their message was "this drink is so great you wont even know the alcohol was there!"

#107 to #104 - christofferse (01/03/2015) [-]

While I get your point, I just find it hard to believe that "getting her passed out drunk on those long summer nigths" can be considered anything less than suspicious. I get that she'll don't want the taste of alcohol, but "she'll get blasted faster than you can imagine. Have fun!" combined with the pictures of girls sleeping doesn't make me think "Oh, people are going to use this to make their girlfriend a strong drink she'll enjoy".

#102 to #99 - twentyseconds has deleted their comment [-]

+17

#35 - anon (01/02/2015) [-]

sweet manly comp until i got to the part about how to drug and rape a teenage girl.... seriously, what the **** ?

+24

#58 - anon (01/02/2015) [-]

"Get your **** together"

>Shadow animals
>Rape

What

#76 to #58 - yourafaggotharry (01/02/2015) [-]

Hey, im wholeheartedly against getting chicks smashed and raping them, thats obviously a colossal no. But shadow animals, hell naw, nothing more manly than sitting with a cold brewski out on the porch, entertaining, and impressing your kids with your shadow puppets, bonus points if your missus is in earshot, little more attractive than someone whos good with kids. in b4 something to do with child molesting

+13

#56 - thenewgizmobox (01/02/2015) [-]

"here's some tips on how to look good in a suit"
"here's some health and fitness tips"
"here's some nice lifestyle tips to get a step ahead of the crowd"
"here's some interesting shadow puppet tricks, and don't forget some nifty shoe lace patterns"
"here's how to rape a girl"
"duct tape wallets are cool!"

#59 - garroshhellscream (01/02/2015) [-]

How to be badass 101
step 1: Don't look up how to be badass guides

#111 - garymuthafuknoak (01/03/2015) [-]

>mfw FJ teaches me how to rape people

#63 - hudis ONLINE (01/02/2015) [-]

Number 5 is a certain way to stress yourself out and wind up depressed within a few months.

#75 to #63 - zekeon (01/02/2015) [-]

I don't understand what you mean.

I think what #5 is saying is don't let other people tell you how you should feel about something.

#78 to #75 - hudis ONLINE (01/02/2015) [-]

That makes sense, but I interpreted it as telling you to suppress emotions that you do not want to feel, thus encouraging the idea of only allowing you and yourself alone to dictate what feelings are going to come to you - which almost always leads to psychological issues, hence why the whole "men shouldn't cry" ideal is so flawed.

#79 to #63 - uniowl ONLINE (01/02/2015) [-]

Is it that stressfull to hotwire a car?

#112 to #63 - severepwner (01/03/2015) [-]

It basically means don't be a ******* teenager that can't keep control.

If you're going to feel a certain way, feel that way because you want to, not because the circumstance is controlling you.

This means you can be happy, angry, or sad if you make that decision.

But you don't kill yourself when you spill your chocolate milk

#3 - jimmynutz (01/02/2015) [-]

>why am I reading this stealth slushie thing
>oh yeah cause I could use this to get myself drunk quickly
>always looking for quicker liquor
>maybe I have a problem

#60 to #3 - Sacrifice (01/02/2015) [-]

I love alcohol which doesn't taste like alcohol. Shame I've never seen Gatorade sold anywhere though.

#108 - seniorawesomesauce (01/03/2015) [-]

Alright, what the **** . That's just wrong. You know what I'm talking about, every other comment is about it. How could you take advantage of something like that? I mean, hollowing out a poor defenseless book? How depraved do you have to be.